Classroom Crack-ups

Each day I read to my students. They have to answer comprehension questions as we go. The next day, I ask questions about what happened in the story on the day before, before I read the next selection. Yesterday, the bit I read included a geriatric birthday party (I know it sounds wierd, but this is out of context and I’m not going to write the storey out here to explain.). At one point the younger party atendees clapped and, “Some of the old sailors banged their canes on the floor.”

When I asked the class today about what had happened in the story yesterday, one girl said, “People clapped and the old people banged their canes on the floor.” I wanted her to tell me, of course, about the party, which was the main event in yesterday’s reading. I said, “Yes, but why were they doing this?” My student said, “'Cause old people can’t clap?” That just cracked me up.

In Taiwan, of course, I almost died laughing when a class of students sang to me about an itchy, bitchy spider.

In Korea, I almost fell over the first time a nine year old asked me if I was a virgin. (She meant to ask if I was single.)

Got any classroom zingers to share?

Plural nouns, clothing. A nice flashcard of two socks. Teacher asks, “What are they?” Six year old girl raises her hand and replies, “They are cocks!”

:slight_smile: So close and yet so far!

A student - in a class of adults/senior high school students - asked me about the phrase, ‘turn into’. For example, the witch turned the prince into a frog. Tadpoles turn into . . . . ? Etc etc. All is crystal clear so I give them one more example: After I married him he turned into . . . . . . . ?

One student - a teenage girl - said, ‘My husband?’


Writing exercise. The teacher asks a question and the students must write the answer on a piece of paper.

Teacher: “Can you play the piano?”
Eight year old wrote: “No, I cun’t!”

Not grammatically correct, but extremely funny.

More flashcard speaking exercise. A flash card of a cruise liner.

Teacher: “What is it?”
Student: “It is a shit!” (ship)

After an extremely long day of oral placement tests with a precocious four year old girl.

Teacher: “What color are my eyes?”
Student: Leaning very close in order to see my beautiful icy blue color eyes, thoughtfully considering, tilting her head to the side, replies, “Red!” :roflmao:

Listening test. I say, they write the spelling word.

#9 “welcome”
9. wankme

I gave a class of 11/12 year olds a news story about weather in Europe, and the story references Europeans. Some boys started giggling every time I mentioned them…took a couple weeks before I realized they thought I was saying Europenis. Well I guess it’s not so innocent and funny, but it’s all I got, besides kids writing shit instead of shirt. That one always makes me laugh though.

That new shit looks great on you!

He’s a great guy; he’d give you the shit off his back.

Hey, pick your shit up off the floor and hang it up in the closet.

This shit was a Christmas present from my grandmother.

Oh! The baby just threw-up on my shit!

Sorry, I’m getting carried away with this shirt.

Let’s go and play on the bitch!

Adult IT class: We need to update the new virgin.

The best one I’ve got is all the students wanting to know why they shouldn’t say “She is easy.” The students saying “whore” instead of “horse” is good.

Unless you count my discussion before class, in Chinese, where I answered a student “No, I don’t have a wee-wee.” I was unaware of the slang meaning of “little brother”.

“Teacher, you have LP!”

“Ah, no, I don’t but my Dad’s got about 30.”

“… huh?”

I just corrected an article that read ‘Do you know the Global Worming?’

It was an article promoting vegetarianism and apparently eating meat would increase global worming so it does actually make some kind of sense. The grammar sucks though.

Years ago talking to a business woman who told me her boss lived in another city, I asked if she saw him often. She replied cheerfully 'Oh yes, he fucks me every morning" . After a little further inquiry, I found out this happened on the fucks machine. I politely suggested she might want to be more careful in pronouncing the word “fax” .

A few weeks ago a fourth grader stood up in the middle of class and said, “My mom say she want to fuck you.” Very awkward moment but in my head I was thinking, “Hmm I wonder what she looks like?”

[quote=“Surfer”]A few weeks ago a fourth grader stood up in the middle of class and said, “My mom say she want to fuck you.” Very awkward moment but in my head I was thinking, “Hmm I wonder what she looks like?”[/quote]And you didn’t even ask to meet your student’s mother? :loco: What was the fourth grader actually trying to say? My mom wants to “thank you”? It it were fuck, that would be thanks enough! :discodance:

Haha she definitely meant “fuck”. I was so shocked at first that I had her repeat it. At that point all the kids were laughing so I just wanted to continue ASAP.


Lots of stories from the last time I asked about funny classroom happenings

Surfer’s one is definitely a contender for shockingest ever though :discodance:

I once had a student stand up and say, “Kiwis are a bunch of ladyboys and they can’t hold their beer.” Still makes me smile.

A few years ago, I was teaching a class on “Public Speaking”. I had a class of nine very high managment types in Taipei. There were 8 men and one very beutiful female who happened to be the International Marketing Manager for a famous women’s underwear company. The class lasted nine weeks and the last two classes were designed where each manager had to give an oral presentaiton of their company’s product(s).
All during the previous classes, these eight guys would tell rude jokes and basically cause the only female some grief. These guys were totally uncontrollable.
She was the last to give here presentation on the last day, and since it was a cold winter day, she had worn a long elegant coat. She approached the front of the class and casually shed her coat to reveal ONE awesome body clothed only in a see through bra and thong. She gave a presentation on the company’s new line of “barely there”, my words, not hers. I, to this day don’t know what she said but I gave glowing comments while all other 8 guys sat there with mouths agape.
One of my most memorable teaching moments in Taiwan.

Enigma, that sounds like an GREAT class you had! :bravo:

So I was teaching my adult class one day a month or two ago the meaning behind the phrase: “go away”. One got it right away, and burst out “Is that kind of like saying ‘Fuck off’?”