Classroom Crack-ups

I’ve had some interesting things on essays but I don’t remember most of them. One amusing answer I remember though was from one of my highschoolers. The question on a test I gave them was “What do you think is most famous place in Taipei? Why?” Pretty much everyone in the class wrote something about 101. But one student, who is usually confused, wrote “7-11 is the most famous place in Taipei. It is everywhere and everyone who visit Taipei go there.” Funny to me, because it’s sooo true.

hahahahahaahahaah it is also the land mark near my house , and yours, and his and hers and theirs and ours…LOLOLOLO good one.

Ah, you mean ‘amusing things students have done’. Don’t have any of those but I have a fair few of teachers that cracked up in the classroom. The guy who started shooting milk tea zhenzhu (?) at his adult students through a straw, the guy who walked out and went to sleep on the park bench in the park opposite the school, the guy who has a screaming fit after the kindy boss told him they were cutting his hours after 9/11 because he looked middle eastern and the parents were ‘scared’, the guy who punched a Thai high court judge in the face, in class, a guy who had to leave class every 13.24 mins to pop benzos ‘undetected’, the Filipino guy who drove his 4x4 over a market stall with some kids sleeping under tit, then through a furniture shop window, the guy who just started weeping uncontrollably in front of an IELTS class. ETC, ad almost infinitum. :laughing:

Well, this didn’t exactly crack me up at the time, but since we’re all going here . . . in my first business class, one of the guys (they were all guys) came in talking about a movie he’d seen the week before. I don’t remember the movie, but I remember trying to find an elegant way to explain the answer to his question. He wanted to know what some language use in the movie meant. There were no kinds of priests in this movie, he said, but the men in the movie kept talking about “flogging the Bishop.” I was sooo embarrassed.

Must be North American slang. The bishop usually gets bashed in the UK.

I would place money that he knew full well what it meant and he was deliberately unsettling you.

Was it an expat myth about the teacher who got caught shagging his co-teacher during his kindy class nap time? One of the kids woke up and screamed or something.

Probably, but I was new, I was young, and I was blond. But I had a very high attendance rate!

Probably, but I was new, I was young, and I was blond. But I had a very high attendance rate![/quote]

Heh heh, that must have been where I went wrong.

[quote=“spitzig”]The best one I’ve got is all the students wanting to know why they shouldn’t say “She is easy.” The students saying “whore” instead of “horse” is good.

Unless you count my discussion before class, in Chinese, where I answered a student “No, I don’t have a wee-wee.” I was unaware of the slang meaning of “little brother”.[/quote]

That would be didi.

Personal favourite was when a student wrote “My cat pleasures me every day after I come home from work.”

I didn’t hear this, but it was in a friend’s class: “He did a really good job, so we all gave him the clap.”

One of my high school composition students once wrote that when she went on vacation with her family that she liked, “to lay in the hot bath and play with herself.”

Another student in the same class wrote that he ate too many snakes. Now, I know that in Taiwan eating snake is not uncommon, so I wasn’t surprised by the first two mentions. But, when he started writing about taking snakes to school in his book bag to eat between classes, It dawned on me that he was talking about snacks and not snakes.

Let’s see. The ten-year-old son of a lady doctor once mentioned that his grandmother like to drink her own urine. He said pee.

Then, there was the little girl arguing with another student (they both being about 7 or 8) and she ripped out, “Ahhh! you are piss me off!”

After I scolded one little boy, he informed me very sternly: “My father is a policeman.”

The last one that comes to mind right now happened in a junior high class. Actually, it wasn’t one of those jr classes from hell. It was a good class with a good co-teacher and everybody knew what was expected of them.

One day we were doing some reading dialogs and the theme was, “I’m sorry, but I won’t me able to.” “I have to do XX on XX” (whatever day it was). The answering student had to create his own answer.

So, everybody has their book and I picked out two boys named Mike and Jason to do the dialog.

It went something like this:

Mike: Jason, can you help me fix my computer on Sunday?

Jason: I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to. I have to help Sandra take a shower and wash her butt."

Poor Sandra. She was the girl in many classes who thinks that she is above everyone else. You know, super rich, cute, nice clothes and all that.

The class fell apart laughing, even Sandra.

I was trying to teach a grade 6 boy to say ‘worker’ but he kept saying it as ‘wanker’ with a very serious face.

Me: (pointing to picture on the page) Worker
Him: Wanker
Me: No, have a closer look, there’s an ‘or’ sound in it, there’s no ‘an’. Say ‘wor-ker’
Him: Wanker
Me: No, it’s worker.
Him: Wanker
Me: Try again, say ‘worker’.
Him: Wanker
Me: :s (think to self: the little wanker…

[quote=“AntsyAmy”]I was trying to teach a grade 6 boy to say ‘worker’ but he kept saying it as ‘wanker’ with a very serious face.

Me: (pointing to picture on the page) Worker
Him: Wanker
Me: No, have a closer look, there’s an ‘or’ sound in it, there’s no ‘an’. Say ‘wor-ker’
Him: Wanker
Me: No, it’s worker.
Him: Wanker
Me: Try again, say ‘worker’.
Him: Wanker
Me: :s (think to self: the little wanker…[/quote]

Johny’s a real stand-up guy and a very hard wanker! (hehehe)

I can just imagine the teacher getting flustered himself after a conversation like that.

“Right everybody, stop wanking, put your things away, and let’s sing a song!”

My fav would have to be correcting some of the test books and finding this little jem.
“What do you do when you see the teacher coming in the classmate?” [classroom] :roflmao: …hand him a tissue I guess. :discodance:

Teenage angst from a test written a week ago; please note that these are grade eight students and although I can’t fault his grammar too much, it’s mostly because he’s using grade two sentences. Most of the students wrote standard penpal letters. Tim was honest, forthright, and determined not to waste ink:

[quote=“Tim”] March 9th, 2010 (who cares)
Dear Joe,

My name is Tim. I am a boy from Taiwan. I am thirteen years old and I am in Kuan Yu Junior High School. My favorite sport is soccer. I hate English, math and Chinese. I also hate geography, history, biology, civics and science. My favorite band is May Day. My favorite online game is Warcraft. I like comic [sic]. I hate books. I have a sister. Her name is Alice. She is a fool. I hate her. I have a dog, which name is Vivian [sic]. I hate it because it is stupid like my sister. I like to swear. How about you? I like to sleep and eat. Let’s be pen pals!

Your new friend,

Not sure why, but I laughed for five minutes straight! Names changed to protect the (not so) innocent.

I had a class of advanced kids give a skit the other day and one group did one that made me laugh and freaked me out. They just had to have a conversation where one asked the other to do something, then discussed what to do, and when to do it.

Here’s pretty much how it went:
Student 1: Hey, do you want to go kill the teacher tomorrow?
Student 2: No, I don’t want to kill the teacher. I want to kill her boyfriend or husband.
Student 1: That sounds good. Do you want to go over to her house tomorrow and stab him?
Student 2: I’d rather kill him in a motel. And I think we should strangle him. Stabbing is messy.
Student 1: Ok. Is tomorrow morning ok?
Student 2: Yeah, I will see you then!

:ponder: Yeah, not sure how freaked out I should be about this. They were really funny though, but still…

Somewhere in the Look series there is a story about Professor Boffin. He wants to make a cake so he looks in the storeroom for some flour. When his cake is done, Mrs. Boffin checks it out. Professor Boffin has used cement mix to make a cake.

My student reads the dialogue: “It looks like semen.” Then she touches it. “I feels like semen.” Then she tastes it. “It tastes like semen.” She holds up the bag. “It is semen!”