Clever retirement plan

We need something like this for Taiwan

[quote]Recently I was checking my 401k account and thinking about retirement, as everyone does when they hit 45.
I saw an article about nursing and retirement homes and the expenses.

Then it hit me. No nursing home for me!

Here is my plan: I’m checking into the Holiday Inn.
With the average cost for a nursing home reaching $188 per day, there is a better way when we get old and feeble. I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn. For a combined long-term stay discount and senior discount, it’s $49.23 per night. That leaves $138.77 a day for breakfast, lunch, dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service. It also will leave enough for laundry, gratuities, and special TV movies.

Plus, I’ll get a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, and washer and dryer. I’ll also get free toothpaste, razors, shampoo and soap. And I’ll be treated like a customer, not a patient.

Five dollars worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling. There is a city bus stop out front, and seniors ride free.

The handicap bus will also pick me up if I fake a decent limp. Ride the church bus free on Sundays. For a change of scenery, take the airport shuttle bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. While you’re at the airport, fly somewhere.

Meanwhile, the cash keeps building up.

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. On the other hand, Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. And you are not stuck in one place forever – you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there, too. TV broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need a mattress replaced? No problem. They fix everything and apologize for the inconvenience.

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. The maid checks if you are OK. If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. They will always be glad to visit you, and probably check in for a mini-vacation. The grand kids can use the pool.
What more can you ask for?

When I discussed my plan with friends, they came up with even more benefits that Holiday Inn provides retirees. Most standard rooms have coffee makers, reclining chairs, and satellite TV – all you need to enjoy a cozy afternoon. After a movie and a good nap, you can check on your children (free local phone calls), then take a stroll to the lounge or restaurant where you meet new and exotic people every day.

Many Holiday Inns even feature live entertainment on the weekends. Often they have special offers, too, like the Kids Eat Free program. You can invite your grand kids over after school to have a free dinner with you. Just tell them not to bring more than three friends.

Pick a Holiday Inn where they allow pets, and your best friend can keep you company as well. If you want to travel, but are a bit skittish about unfamiliar surroundings, you’ll always feel at home because wherever you go, the rooms all look the same. And if you’re getting a little absent-minded in your old days, you never have to worry about not finding your room – your electronic key fits only one door and the helpful bellman or desk clerk is on duty 24/7.

Being natural skeptics, we called a Holiday Inn to check out the feasibility of my plan. I’m happy to report that they were positively giddy at the idea of us checking in for a year or more. They even offered to negotiate the rate. We could have easily knocked them down to $40 a night!

“So, when I reach the golden age I’ll face it with a grin.
Just forward all your emails to the Holiday Inn!”

[/quote]

Cute, but completely ignores the fact that old people are not spry and healthy like when they were in their youth. The whole point of a nursing home is the nursing aspect.

Most old people are not hooked up to a breathing machines 24*7 and what mostly “devastates” them is lack of contact with people. In a hotel, at least, they are not isolated in depressing conditions looking at the same depressive situations day in and day out.

That is the beauty of our little veteran villages, for instance. People get around, have tasks, interact with the world. The hood has everything they need and they rarely leave the hood. But they are still connected to the world. There are very few retirement villages that have such interactions in the West -a few I’ve seen in Europe do- and provide better quality of life than any hospital-like facility.

Of course, at the end of the road, hospice care might be inevitable. And yes, at a certain age we all need a certain amount of pills to keep us going. But before we go back to diapers, a more dynamic lifestyle for retirement can be considered. We are thinking out of the box here, people! Let’s put our thinking caps on! Business! Money!

I understand that a number of retirees have had similar thoughts, except about some Thai whorehouse.

well, whatever fits their budget and need for additional services.

It depends how long ‘the end of the road’ is – you wont be in the Holiday Inn with Alzheimer’s. One in three seniors get some form of dementia or Alzheimer’s and two thirds of them are women.

I could suggest a plan-B in the event of getting Alzheimer.
There is only one problem, you won’t remember your plan-B if you got Alzheimer.

Personally, I hope I can still work one or two hours a day till I drop dead.
Actually I’d be quite happy finding myself doing some real work at 95.

Woo-hoo!

I remember reading a report on nursing homes for foreigners (or they were allowed) in Thailand I think. Was much cheaper and the level of care was much better than your average home in the west it seemed.

(if you know what I mean, wokka wokka!)