I’ve just arrived in Taichung and I’m living with my boyfriend and his best friend. I’m wondering whether this looks bad to a local who knows we are not married. For example, I met a school director informally yesterday, and my boyfriend was with me. This director assumed we were a couple, but pretended not to understand that we were not engaged. He gave me the impression that it is not acceptable to be living together, and not “state” that we are engaged or married.
Is this a common perspective here in Taichung, or is this just a traditional minded director?[/code]
I live with my boyfriend. Of course his parents keep nagging that we should get married, but not because they think we shouldn’t live together without being engaged, but because they want to have grandchildren soon…grrrrrrr
Yeah, some older people are still very traditional-minded about relatioships, engagement and marriage. But, really, it should be none of their business. The only thing that guy should have been concerned about was either your ability to teach or your capacity to do well in a study program (you didn’t specify the reason you went to see this school director).
Well Aprimo, I’m older and am still very traditional in my thinking about relationships, engagement and marriage. Why do you say SuperCurl’s situation shouldn’t be any of my business?
Why would you think my relationship should affect whether I get a job? This school director thinks I should pretend I’m married or something because he thinks its a better impression for his paying customers (this is regarding a teaching job). I won’t say my relationship is any of his business, but surely I sense a lack of respect because I don’t share his traditional views (or business choices).
Hawgwarsh, it is very common for people to live together (two of our teachers lived with their boyfriends before they went into the army)…not as common as in the U.S., but still common. You are a foreigner and expected to be 1/2 crazed and 3/4 looney, so son’t worry about it.
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Why would you think my relationship should affect whether I get a job? This school director thinks I should pretend I’m married or something because he thinks its a better impression for his paying customers (this is regarding a teaching job). I won’t say my relationship is any of his business, but surely I sense a lack of respect because I don’t share his traditional views (or business choices).[/quote]
Ignore him. Completely. Don’t lie, your relationship status is not any of the customer’s business. If they want a traditional Chinese teacher, tell 'em to go out and hire one. They probably DO lack respect, but that is more of an inability to respect anything outside of the owner’s experience than a personal reflection on you.
(by the way, I’ve recently told my wife that if OUR customers want a foreign teacher then they want a foreigner, the whole enchelada…most recent complaints: He teaches too much; he teaches too LITTLE; he won’t speak Chinese in class; he understands too much Chinese; he reads National Geographic during exams instead of sitting there and staring at the cobwebs on the ceiling; he has EARRINGS!!; I heard he has OTHER piercings too!!! HE’S DIFFERENT! RUN AWAY)…
I have perfected this look that says “Oh, you want a CHINESE person in this position? Fine, I have better uses for my time anyway.”
After 10 years here, I have come to the conclusion that:
1.) A business owner is not happy unless he/she is finding fault with an employee
2.) Correcting one incorrectly percieved fault will simply result in the person manufacturing another to take its place.
3.) Person A will want you to do X and person B will NOT want you to do X. No matter what you do, SOMEONE is going to complain, so just be yourself and let other people deal with their own issues.
Well Aprimo, I’m older and am still very traditional in my thinking about relationships, engagement and marriage. Why do you say SuperCurl’s situation shouldn’t be any of my business?
OOC[/quote]
Why should it be anyone elses business what a couple does behind closed doors? Do her actions directly effect you? The only thing her employer should be concerned with is how well she can perform the job, not her personal life. She’s a grown woman. Who she lives with or does on her own time is none of anyone elses concern but hers.
That is, in fact, the formal moral role of the boss, to correct the employee. Here a boss is presumed not to be bossing unless an employee is corrected – that is the veribtable definition of bossing. If a boss recieves something and passes it on without correction, he hasn’t done his job. Robert Silin wrote a great book on this in the 1970s that is still valid today, as I recall it is called leadership and values.