Yesterday, my husband threatened to take my son away from me if I divorced him. He is Taiwanese and I am American. I am concerned he will be able to do so because I suffer from depression and as much as I have tried to get along, after my son was born, his mother and I had a huge fight about her lying and lack of safety with my son. After promising not to, she placed him on her bed, covered him in clothes because he was “cold”, and walked out and shut the door when he was two months old. She had specifically promised not to (and while this is just one incident of many, it was my breaking point). Even after I tried to remedy the situation it led to an argument where I called her an idiot and she hung up on me.
My point in sharing all of this, is I’m concerned a court will rule in my husband’s favor and grant him full custody and I would not be able to see my son again. The reason I believe it would be ruled in that way is because I have insulted his linear descendants as well as some people in Taiwan have indicated my depression would be considered a mental illness that could be harmful to my son, fulfilling two of the qualifications for a divorce in Taiwan.
This all being said, for the past few months I have been the sole provider for our family. I have always had steady work and my husband has not. I know in the USA I would be granted full custody. But given my recent experiences in Taiwan, I am very afraid that I would not.
I want to leave my husband because he has no respect for me, constantly lies so that we can’t discuss our problems and his lies have sometimes involved our finances. While he has eventually paid what I have asked him to, he often makes payments late and has even said we shouldn’t pay on our bills and has hidden bills from me. I would say the turning point was when he refused to get me care after I had my son and I couldn’t breathe when I lay down. The hospital really messed up and I spent three days trying to convince them that I wasn’t ok. I went home and got worse and my husband yelled at me that he was too tired take me to the hospital. When we eventually went in we learned that my lungs were half full of water and I was suffering from pulmonary edema and congestive heart failure. While he apologized, he told me I need to act like this event didn’t happen.
My question is: What should I do? I am willing to do joint custody but I am concerned that he will get mad at me and refuse to let me see my son. I am also concerned I won’t be able to do anything about it. Would I be able to win in court if he pushed the issue? Or, given the expense of court fees and how little his family has (the whole family is barely scraping by) do you think I would be able to use that threat against him? Or should I go back to the USA before he knows what’s going on taking my son with me? This last one is my least favorite option because I know it will hurt us all dearly and I really don’t want to do that. What should I do?