this link is to another msgboard…cybersex gone awry…
this link is to another msgboard…cybersex gone awry…
Who’s been hacking into my computer and stealing my logs ?
That is fucking classic shit that is. You gotta read all the way to page 3. I like the J-Dogg ones best. Some G-dollars for your trouble Mungy.
That was so good, I think it counts for my daily exercise.
for those of u who saw it…blessed are thee…
the mods deleted the post…claiming it was slowing down their bandwidth…
heres what they say…
ps…thanks for the guanxi bossman
damn, sounds like i missed out. where can I get it?
hope its okay with the mods…
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 **** of
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don’t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty ***** of the beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don’t ***** with me bitch, I’m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don’t ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik’s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it’s getting hard now.
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don’t know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i’m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it’s just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don’t play games. They *****ing charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn’t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now
BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I’m ready.
BritneySpears14: I like your music Em… Tee hee.
eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular physique.
eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: What the *****, I told you not to message me again.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I’m gonna report your ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you ***** up.
eminemBNJA: Oh ****
eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
Katie_007: Sure, you into vegetables?
bloodninja: What like gardening an ****?
Katie_007: Yeah, something like that.
bloodninja: Nothing turns me on more, check this out:
bloodninja: You bend over to harvest your radishes.
Katie_007: is that it?
bloodninja: You water your tomato patch.
bloodninja: Are you ready for my fresh produce?
Katie_007: I was thinking of like, sexual acts INVOLVING vegetables… Can you make it a little more sexy for me?
bloodninja: I touch you on your lettuce, you massage my spinach… sexily.
bloodninja: I ride your buttocks like they were amber waves of grains.
Katie_007: Grain doesn’t really turn me on… I was thinking more along the lines of carrots and zucchinis.
bloodninja: my zucchinis carresses your carrots.
bloodninja: Damn baby you’re right, this **** is HOTT.
bloodninja: My turnips listen for the soft cry of your love. My insides turn to celery as I unleash my warm and sticky cauliflower of love.
Katie_007: What the ***** is this madlibs? I’m outta here.
bloodninja: Yeah, well I already unleashed my cauliflower, all over your olives, and up in your eyes. Now you can’t see. Bitch.
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Girl: nevermind your an *******
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Boy: look I’m sorry. I’m just a little paranoid
Girl: of what?
Boy: No. I’m in hiding.
Boy: Don’t ******* laugh at me!
Boy: This **** is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a ******* break
Boy: I’m serious.
Girl: I don’t get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I’m wanted in three states
Boy: It’s kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Girl: You are ******* sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Boy: so I know you aren’t one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I’m not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: **** you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren’t you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don’t want to send you the picture cause I’m not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren’t
Girl: IM NOT A ******* COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What’s your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright PIC
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I’m looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I’ve lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I’m not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Boy: Okay here it is. PIC
Girl: this isn’t you.
Boy: I’ll be damned if it ain’t!
Girl: You don’t look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy…
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go **** yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won’t get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn’t have sent you that picture.
Girl: You’ve done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn’t hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bull****ting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can’t believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can’t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap…
Girl: *** YOU!!!
Boy: You’d break both of his legs.
Girl: You’re a ******* *******.
Girl: I’ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don’t even know me
Boy: Ok. I’m sorry.
Girl: No you aren’t
Boy: You’re right. I’m not.
Girl: I’m done with you
Boy: Aww. I’m sorry.
Girl: I’m putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Boy: I’ll eat your *****
Girl: You’ll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I’d eat your *****.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn’t get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your *****?
Girl: I’d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I’m not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don’t know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I’m afraid to
Boy: cause why?
Girl: well lets see
Girl: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna eat me out
Girl: doesn’t that seem strange to you?
Girl: well its strange to me
Boy: Fine. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to
Girl: I didn’t say that
Boy: So is that a yes?
Girl: I guess so.
Boy: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
Boy: Are you willing?
Girl: What do you need me to do?
Boy: I need you talk like a pirate.
Boy: When I start to go limp… you say “HARRRR!!!”
Girl: You can’t be serious
Boy: Oh yes I am!
Boy: It’s my fantasy.
Girl: this is retarded
Boy: Do you want it or not?
Girl: Yes I want it.
Boy: Then you’ll do it for me?
Boy: Ok. Here we go.
Boy: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
Boy: You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up against them
Boy: I softly begin to tounge your wet *****.
Boy: I run my tounge up and down your smooth slit.
Girl: mmmm yeah
Boy: uh oh …going limp.
Boy: You gotta do better than that!
Boy: Your picture was really bad.
Boy: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your ***** get more moist with every stroke.
Boy: I softly suck on your **** bringing it in and out of my mouth.
Boy: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my nose.
Boy: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
Girl: mmmmmm you are good
Boy: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
Boy: going limp
Boy: Mmmm I grab your swelling buttocks in my hands.
Boy: You begin to sway back and forth.
Boy: going limp
Girl: this is stupid
Boy: …still limp
Boy: Do it!
Boy: I turn you around to lick your *******.
Boy: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
Boy: I see **** nuggets hanging from the hair around your *******.
Boy: They stink really bad.
Girl: OMG STOP!!!
Boy: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
Boy: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
Boy: I ram it up your ass.
Girl: YOURE A ******* PYSCHO!!
Boy: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
Boy: And turn you into a ******* candy apple…
Boy: I kick you in the face!
Girl: **** YOU *******!!
Boy: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin…
Boy: Your parrot flys away.
Boy: …going limp again.
Boy: Say it!
mungacious, thanks so much, haven’t laughed that hard in a long time!!!
There was another one that was quite funny too:
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high
heels. I work out every day, I’m toned and perfect. My measurements
are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I’m 6’3" and about 250 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on
a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I’m also
wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from
dinner…it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Sweetheart: We’re in my bedroom.There’s soft music playing on the
stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I’m looking up into
your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and
begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I’m gulping, I’m beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I’m pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I’m unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I’m moaning softly.
Wellhung: I’m taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I’m throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk
slides off my warm skin.I’m rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a
hole in your blouse.I’m sorry.
Sweetheart: That’s OK, it wasn’t really too expensive.
Wellhung: I’ll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don’t worry about it.I’m wearing a lacy black bra.My soft
breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I’m fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it’s stuck.
Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I’m reaching back
undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my
breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I’m picking up the bra and inspecting
Sweetheart: I’m arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your
tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I’m dropping the bra. Now I’m licking your, you know,
breasts. They’re neat!
Sweetheart: I’m running my fingers through your hair. Now I’m
nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and
Wellhung: I’m so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I’m wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of
Wellhung: I’m taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with
Sweetheart: OK. I’m pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your
Wellhung: I’m screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I’m pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I’m pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over,
in and out nibbling on you…umm… wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What’s the matter?
Wellhung: I’ve got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I’m choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I’m having a coughing fit. I’m turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I’m running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I’m fumbling
through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I’m drinking a cup of water. There, that’s better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I’m washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I’m on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I’m drying the cup. Now I’m putting it back in the cabinet.
And now I’m walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it’s dark, I’m lost.
Where’s the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I’m tuggin’ off your pants. I’m moaning. I want you so
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked
bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don’t you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can’t see very well without them. I place the
glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I’m bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I’m fumbling my way blindly across the room
and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it’s dark. I’m feeling around for
the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I’m waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I’m done going. I’m feeling around for the flush handle,
but I can’t find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What’s the matter now?
Wellhung: I’ve realized that I’ve peed into your laundry hamper.
Sorry again. I’m walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I’m going to put my…you know …thing…in
your…you know…woman’s thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I’m touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss
your neck. Umm, I’m having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I’m moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can’t stand
it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I’m flaccid.
Wellhung: I’m limp. I can’t sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I’m standing up and turning around; an incredulous look
on my face.
Wellhung: I’m shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all
floppy. I’m going to get my glasses and see what’s wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I’m getting dressed. I’m putting on my
underwear. Now I’m putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I’m squinting, trying to find the night table.
I’m feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray,
picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I’m buttoning my blouse. Now I’m putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I’ve found my glasses. I’m putting them on. My God! One of
our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I’m pointing
at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I’m logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
I sure hope Segue won’t break down like the other site because of this.
We might get a new record on visitors online at once, although by now this stuff should be all over the web anyway.
First ones are real but that last one is fake. Still funny though.