Here’s one for the Single Moms out there ! Cheers:
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My mom was a single mom. She had a few relationships with some genuinely decent guys. However even I was young I knew clearly these guys were “outsiders” to our little family.
Ultimately Mom (quite sensibly I reckon!!) always put me and my brother first and that eventually caused problems. Hence I feel these relationships were always doomed from the start. I would say most single mothers will do this.
Bear this in mind. It is your life - go and meet her in Taiwan by all means. But adding in the the being aloof and the “too busy” thing would have my alarm bells ringing.
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have you met yet? long distance, communication problems and suspicions she is not on the same page as you would worry me more than her having a kid. the whole thing sounds a bit unrealistic but hey i am quite skeptical of long distance things.
Is she a single mom of 40-year-old or of 4-month-old?
Please kindly provide the piece of critical information before I can chip in 2 cents.
Beware of jealous and violent ex-husbands of Taiwan nationality. Men in your situation got bruised.
If you were dating a load of women where you are, I would be surprised if you would even bother with this woman.
She ‘wasn’t ready’ last time, but is now? Usually that means she was not interested last time, but seeing as there are no other men around, she will accept you now (single Taiwanese mothers do not have many men chasing them).
If and when someone more suitable comes along she will call it off.
It may sound harsh, but be pragmatic.
Fyi I did dated several single girls while in Taiwan but not so much here in NY. Everyone has a different mindset and approach. I was really drawn to her personality and also find her quite attractive. Yes I prefer her to be childless but life is life and it is what it is.
She wasn’t ready due to her bad experience with her ex husband and the last bf who cheated on her so yes I think she is entitled to be very cautious in that respect. Another reason that she bailed that time was due to her new sales job with demanding hours and barely had time to be in a relationship.
To sum it up, she is what I consider a wife material and I have the tenacity to make our relationship work despite of current and upcoming issues.
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Single mom’s rock!
They almost always have their act together because they care about their children so much. If she’s giving you a chance, then she thinks you’re somewhat special to balance with the priorities of her own children.
She may even make you a better man.
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It’s not a perfect world. If you’re looking at a single mom, you’re looking at the flotsam of a family already gone wrong.
Basic human compassion means you help fix it if you can. Basic self preservation means you first ask yourself if you’re capable of fixing it.
A single mom may or may not have her shit together now, but it’s a good bet she didn’t have it together in the past. She made a bad choice of baby daddy. You could be her savior - or her next mistake.
The only reason gay marriage is even a thing is that the traditional family fails often enough to undermine its credibility. Otherwise the idea of gay marriage would never pass the horselaugh test. There is no silver bullet, and unrealistic expectations lead to disillusionment, which in turn leads to an anything goes mentality.
Both Confucianism and the western church-culture complex set us up for unrealistic expectations of what a family - any kind of family - can do for us. Gay marriage isn’t the problem. It’s a symptom.
There’s a platitude: love conquers all. But ‘love’ is a vague word, and ‘all’ is an over-generalization. Closer to the truth: rational compassion can fix a lot of what goes wrong with human relationships.
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I agree with the posters who expressed concern due to the language / communication barrier. Beyond that, your “relationship” seems to have been mainly via Skype. You won’t really know each other until you’ve been together in person for a substantial amount of time. So talk of marriage etc. is hasty and premature IMHO. Date her first, and thoroughly get to know her character.
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I know an amazing couple that met and slept together on the first date and been happily married over 40 years.
I know many more couples that knew each other for years and then got married and didn’t last much longer.
Anything is possible.
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I’ll add to the language barrier issue and say that it’s not just a language barrier, there’s a cultural barrier too. This woman’s English is not good and your Mandarin is not good. What about the kid’s English? Communication between the two of you has to be good, but in order for the kid to trust you, he has to understand you too!
Through Skype, you have Google translate to help, but what happens when you are sitting in front of each other? Are you going to talk through Google translate?
I bring this up because I am also from the states, but fluent in mandarin. When I started seeing my local gf who didn’t have very good English, I then found out that there’s still some miscommunication between the two of us because of she didn’t quite understand my grammar and vice versa. It took us awhile to adjust.
There are a lot of reasons for a mom to be single. Good reasons, bad reasons, some beyond their control reasons. I’m a mother of 2 married for over 35 years, and I understand how a mom could be single. I’m not sure how I survived 35 years with the old guy. (just kidding, dear) I support people who value life and don’t take the easy way out because a child isn’t “convenient”. Kids are gifts and give us a chance to be a better person whether they are related or not. Not everyone should be around kids…
So many assholes in this thread.
I say this as a product of a traditional Catholic nuclear family too.
You know who you are. Judgemental arrogant fucks.
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There are some really mean ideas in this thread. My religion doesn’t condone hatred or intolerance.
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Oh and this?
Comes across as skeevy AF.
Just saying
Do you wish you had been raised by a single mother? How many strange, foreign men would you have liked to have in your family home as a child?
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The modern attitude is to consider the emotional and romantic ‘needs’ of the woman first. I’m a throwback that has the childs best interests at heart - even if it hurts the feelings of grown adults to hear the truth.
Regressive as charged.
brutal
Given how incoherent and utterly insensitive your argument is, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that people aren’t giving you coherent responses.
Single parents have it rough precisely because of people like you.
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