Dead beat dads advice urgent!

Hey! I need advice for a friend of mine…basically she was recently dumped by her boyfriend…and than 2 weeks later she basically found out that she was pregnant. She even asked him repeatedly to come with her to the clinic to look at the blood test results wiht her…But he refused…He just continues to ignore her…She is just very upset and distraught over this situation that she hacked into his email accounts and made up a damaging friendster account…but all out of anger but he has been ignoring her. He in turn has told all his friends all her personal business such as how she had an eating disorder and everying and now all of his friends think that she is crazy.

After ignoring her for awhile he finally did talk to her only because he wanted his passowrds back…after he got them back he continued to ignore her and say to her leave me alone i want nothing to do with you…a baby… never…etc…a lot of ppl have told her that apparently he has made his choice that he wants to be a dead beat dad…but i can understand for her…that it’s not an easy thing to do…to have this child and support this child on her own…she jsut feels very desparate, alone and distraught…so she emailed his parents informing them of the situatoin…because they might have the right to know?

I mean i know he has chosen to be a dead beat dad…but don’t yhou think he should take repsonsability? What should she do? Should she just move on and raise this child on her own ?

A lot of her friends have been saying…that he might wise up later on…but…she 's been saying …that it’s liek a now or never situation…that if he choses to ignore her and treat her like a piece of shit…and not support her from the beginning…she doenst feel she will ever forgive him or give him another chance later on…

so What do you guys think? Urgent adive needed! thanks

OPTIONS: (1) Arrange to give the child up for adoption. Problem solved.
(2) Abortion.
(3) Give birth to the baby in a hospital under an assumed name. After the baby is born, walk out the door.
(4) Find a new boyfriend who is pleasant and attractive. Have sex with him on the first date. Tell him about the pregnancy and say it is his child.
(5) Go speeding on the highway in a high performance car. When pulled over by the police, offer to have sex with them in the back seat if they will forget about the ticket. After having sex, call up the policeman a few weeks later, tell him about the pregnancy and say it is his child . . . . . . (similar to scenario 4 above) . . . . . . . .

Grow Up!

Don’t you think it should be up to HER to divulge this sort of thing? Unless of course you’re really her under a second ID. As far as the rest, it’s all a rather personal decision, don’t you think?

BTW, I vaguely recall that there is some sort of “no pregnancy” clause in the visa rules, at least for the foreign factory workers (came up in another thread a while back). So if she’s pregnant, she might have to leave Taiwan.

Jennifer007, what a tough situation to be in for your friend. Raising a child as a single mom is tough. BTDT, but I had a great family and support system, and my ex has always been willing to support our son and be involved (when I let him). If she’s not confident that she can do it on her own, there’s always adoption. There’s Cathwell at 2371-0338 and Christian Salvation Services at 2729-0265.

There’s also some support at www.parentpages.net/phpbb2/index.php
There are some local moms who post there; maybe they could direct your friend to some Chinese boards with more support.

good luck!

Good point. Maybe her friend is asking for some advice?

I didn’t see anything in the original post about the friend being a foreign factory worker, but maybe I missed somethign in another post/topic?

My god!! This isn’t another troll is it. Two posts, both here on this thread. Aren’t there advice lines for this kind of thing?

I suggest that she take a drug called RU 486 or “Mifepristone”, taken in combination with prostaglandin. RU 486 causes a spontaneous abortion and it is very effective all the way up to the 9th week of pregnancy (which really means 9 weeks after the start of the last menstrual cycle, since that’s how the length of a pregnancy is counted).

The way RU 486 works is that it binds to the progesterone receptors in the woman’s uterus, thereby blocking the action of progesterone. Without progesterone, the lining of the woman’s uterus breaks down and sheds as it does in a normal menstrual cycle. In addition, RU 486 causes the cervix to open up and it causes contractions that help dislodge and expel the embryo. Most women begin menstrual bleeding the very next day after taking 600 mg of RU 486. Then the prostaglandin is taken 48 hours after taking the RU 486 in order to complete the abortion.

Okay, for a little less judgment and a little more compassionate advice.

Firstly, unless you friend IS a foreign factory worker, pregnancy is not a cause for deportation.

Abortion is not a solution. Yes, it ends a pregnancy and prevents any chance your friend has of knowing and loving her child. She won’t be inconvienced by a miracle. But she will spend the rest of her life looking at babies on the street, in a park, at her other future children, and remembering the baby she could have had. Wondering what it looked like, was it a boy or girl, what would it’s laugh have sounded like? The birth of future children will be joyous, but there will also be sadness.

Adoption provides an opportunity for her to give birth to her child. To show her love for her child (and I assure you this takes tremendous love) by giving her to a stable couple who will also shower her with love. She may have a relationship with the child as it grows, or in the future. She may have photographs and birthday cards.

Or she can raise the child herself. I can tell you that as the baby grows inside her, her feelings will change. As a matter of fact, due to pregnancy hormones a woman’s feelings can change every 5 minutes, but over all there is usually an increased feeling of joy about the pregnancy, wonder at how your body is capable of doing this wonderous thing. Feelings of love for the little one inside you who learns your voice, learns to respond to your touch and can even play games with you (if you touch your tummy, you baby can learn to touch back, or to follow a light shinned at your tummy). That baby will know your every emotion as closly as you, because it shares in all your hormones. There will never be anyone closer to you than your baby while you’re pregnant. And it only gets even more wonderous after the birth. My baby recognized my voice the moment he was born. He amazes me every day.

She may need to build a support system here, or at home if one isn’t reddily available, but this is usually not hard. There are usually plenty of people thrilled to help out with tiny babies. And where is home? The U.S. has every kind of assistance program immaginable for unwed mothers.

If there is anything else I can say or do to help, please p.m. me.

[quote=“housecat”]Okay, for a little less judgment and a little more compassionate advice.

Firstly, unless you friend IS a foreign factory worker, pregnancy is not a cause for deportation.

Abortion is not a solution. Yes, it ends a pregnancy and prevents any chance your friend has of knowing and loving her child. She won’t be inconvienced by a miracle. But she will spend the rest of her life looking at babies on the street, in a park, at her other future children, and remembering the baby she could have had. Wondering what it looked like, was it a boy or girl, what would it’s laugh have sounded like? The birth of future children will be joyous, but there will also be sadness.

Adoption provides an opportunity for her to give birth to her child. To show her love for her child (and I assure you this takes tremendous love) by giving her to a stable couple who will also shower her with love. She may have a relationship with the child as it grows, or in the future. She may have photographs and birthday cards.

Or she can raise the child herself. I can tell you that as the baby grows inside her, her feelings will change. As a matter of fact, due to pregnancy hormones a woman’s feelings can change every 5 minutes, but over all there is usually an increased feeling of joy about the pregnancy, wonder at how your body is capable of doing this wonderous thing. Feelings of love for the little one inside you who learns your voice, learns to respond to your touch and can even play games with you (if you touch your tummy, you baby can learn to touch back, or to follow a light shinned at your tummy). That baby will know your every emotion as closly as you, because it shares in all your hormones. There will never be anyone closer to you than your baby while you’re pregnant. And it only gets even more wonderous after the birth. My baby recognized my voice the moment he was born. He amazes me every day.

She may need to build a support system here, or at home if one isn’t reddily available, but this is usually not hard. There are usually plenty of people thrilled to help out with tiny babies. And where is home? The U.S. has every kind of assistance program immaginable for unwed mothers.

If there is anything else I can say or do to help, please p.m. me.[/quote]

Nice guilt trip housecat…I think you should keep your opinions to yourself…if this thread is true, this woman does not need this bullshit you are serving up…

[quote=“Mark Nagel”]I suggest that she take a drug called RU 486 or “Mifepristone”, taken in combination with prostaglandin. RU 486 causes a spontaneous abortion and it is very effective all the way up to the 9th week of pregnancy (which really means 9 weeks after the start of the last menstrual cycle, since that’s how the length of a pregnancy is counted).

The way RU 486 works is that it binds to the progesterone receptors in the woman’s uterus, thereby blocking the action of progesterone. Without progesterone, the lining of the woman’s uterus breaks down and sheds as it does in a normal menstrual cycle. In addition, RU 486 causes the cervix to open up and it causes contractions that help dislodge and expel the embryo. Most women begin menstrual bleeding the very next day after taking 600 mg of RU 486. Then the prostaglandin is taken 48 hours after taking the RU 486 in order to complete the abortion.[/quote]

Are you a Dr.? This is pretty serious advice to give out on a BBS, don’t you think?

[quote] BTW, I vaguely recall that there is some sort of “no pregnancy” clause in the visa rules, at least for the foreign factory workers (came up in another thread a while back). So if she’s pregnant, she might have to leave Taiwan.[/quote]The person in question is a regular poster on Forumosa, and is not in Taiwan I believe.

The post that told me this has been deleted, so shouldn’t I have said it ?

Toe Save,

It is only your opinion that my opinion is a guilt trip or bull shit, and I have as much right to post my opinion as you have to post your opinion and call my opinion bull shit.

BBS??? :laughing:

[quote=“housecat”]
Or she can raise the child herself. I can tell you that as the baby grows inside her, her feelings will change. [/quote]

What about the thousands of women who abuse and neglect their children? Do their feelings ever change?

No, I’m not a doctor. Actually, I copied most of that information from this website. But I summarized it and paraphrased it so that it wouldn’t be plagiarism.

And by the way, this is not a BBS. It’s a forum.

Mark

God, what an awful situation. I think a support system is important when facing any sort of personal crisis. If your friend has kind parents, or an aunt or uncle, send her that direction for some help. It seems like too personal a thing to share here online, and certainly none of us is sufficiently familiar with the people involved to dispense advice of much value. I say keep in the family, and seek help there.

No, I’m not a doctor. Actually, I copied most of that information from this website. But I summarized it and paraphrased it so that it wouldn’t be plagiarism.

And by the way, this is not a BBS. It’s a forum.

Mark[/quote]
Yeah, figured I had it wrong when Blueface :laughing: 'd at me…

I stand corrected…

And thank you for clearing that up…

If youre unmarried, can the man be obligated legallly to provide financial support if he is proved the father? Just a thought

[quote=“Flicka”][quote=“housecat”]
Or she can raise the child herself. I can tell you that as the baby grows inside her, her feelings will change. [/quote]

What about the thousands of women who abuse and neglect their children? Do their feelings ever change?[/quote]

Flicka, I’d say they likely do, lots of times. Are you trying to suggest that a woman should not have a baby just in case she might abuse or neglect it? Child abuse and neglect are terrible, but the solution is not for women just to stop having babies.

And your post would suggest that you think the woman involved here would likely abuse or neglect her child, due to what? Do you know her? Do you feel that having a child out of wedlock is such a strain on the mother that she will automatically resent, abuse, or neglect the child?

I just can’t understand where this kind of thinking comes from. But it has led me to another idea. I think that this woman should find some women who’ve been in a similar situation. Someone who had an abortion, someone who chose adoption, someone who raised her child. And ask them all if they regret their decision. There’s likely to be some real insight gained.