Dead beat dads advice urgent!

Nice guilt trip housecat…I think you should keep your opinions to yourself…if this thread is true, this woman does not need this bullshit you are serving up…[/quote]
Actually, housecat’s post was IMHO a lot more constructive than anything else so far. However, since it was fairly clear from the first post that the woman plans to keep the child as a single mom, the guilt-trip part wasn’t necessary.

While child support would probably be ordered by the courts of her home country, collecting it will be another matter, especially in her specific situation, unless they both go back. I don’t know what Taiwan would do about such court orders, and anyway, the guy could always jump to another country if he really wanted. Maybe something to ask Hartzell.

As for whether the guy might ever come back to her, it’s not something to count on. I have met a biased sample (women in personals ads, who obviously would be single) whose ex-boyfriends never even glanced back. There was a study a couple of years ago which said that if the child is a girl, the man is less likely to support or marry the mother; to whatever extent it’s worth, this was borne out by these women, all of whom had had daughters.

Flicka, I’d say they likely do, lots of times. Are you trying to suggest that a woman should not have a baby just in case she might abuse or neglect it? Child abuse and neglect are terrible, but the solution is not for women just to stop having babies.[/quote]

No, but you are suggesting that just because she’ll have the baby that she will automatically love it and cherish it the rest of her life. This is not the case with every mother.

Having a child out of wedlock IS a strain on the mother, especially when she sees her friends getting a higher education, having a great time, buying a house, and other things in ones life that having a baby might not allow. Having a baby should be a joy. Babies deserve the best care they can get, and that doesn’t include a life without a father and a mother who can barely pay the rent and becomes spiteful and hates herself because she couldn’t keep her legs crossed one night.

And your post would suggest that you think the woman involved here would likely abuse or neglect her child, due to what? Do you know her? Do you feel that having a child out of wedlock is such a strain on the mother that she will automatically resent, abuse, or neglect the child?

I just can’t understand where this kind of thinking comes from. But it has led me to another idea. I think that this woman should find some women who’ve been in a similar situation. Someone who had an abortion, someone who chose adoption, someone who raised her child. And ask them all if they regret their decision. There’s likely to be some real insight gained.[/quote]

No, of course I don’t know her. Again, having a child out of wedlock IS a strain on the mother. I would question this women’s intelligence and her ability to be a parent because she couldn’t even think enough to use a condom, or just keep her legs crossed. Condoms are cheap. I agree with your conclusion to weigh all options and gain some insight.

Come now, Flicka. Have you always thought enough in advance to always use a condom? That’s a tired argument.

Please keep in mind that if you have the kid you’re willing to commit to raising and educating a human being for the rest of your life. Don’t have (bear or raise) the kid if you’re even the tiniest bit worried that you can’t , or won’t be able to, do that. Full stop.
Don’t try to get someone to a) marry you because you’re pregnant, or b) take responsibility against their will if you decide to keep the child. It’s your body and your life and you must especially think about the life of yet another person who may come into the world unwanted, unloved and uncared for. That’s the tragedy of it.

I got few question for your friend, Does she really want to have her own baby? Does she still want him back? Does she got enough support from her family for being a single mom? Does her finance good enough for her to have a child for life time? Is she ready to be a mom?
Think about it, if she just wants him back that I would say loose baby and him, he’s not good for her and don’t waste more time on him, move on. If she does not have enough family supporting her or she’s not making enough income to give the baby the best than please forget about to be a single mother, she would make this child have a miserable life, too.
On your post, all I see is she just want him back, I think she’s not in the positive thought of the whole thing. Don’t make the baby to become the weapon of this relationship, it’s most of girl’s game/revenge after got dumped.
Loose the baby, and move on, life is not just on a man or a baby.

[quote=“rjtw0320”]she would make this child have a miserable life, too.

Abortion!! I’m counseling for children :cry:

assuming this is not a troll and assuming mother has decided that abortion is not an option for her, she should try to find out what laws, if any apply to parental rights, she may be better off as a single parent than run the risk of Dad either ignoring the kid,running off with the child, or denying parental responsibility- or she may determine that keeping dad in the loop, regardless of his current attitude is the best thing, so that he can see his child if he wants…

BUT both the father and the mother need to grow up! Trying to get him to acknowledge the child by hacking his computer… sounds like a thread for Psycho Xiaojie!

If however, Jennifer007’s pal is unable to raise the child, does not want to have an abortion, please look into a good adoption agency. A lot of very wonderful parents in the US, Canada and Europe want children and would be willing to adopt this one (possible to even have an open adoption).

[quote=“Alien”]Come now, Flicka. Have you always thought enough in advance to always use a condom? That’s a tired argument.


Yes I have, and I’ll never get tired of that argument.

Toe Save,

Bit harsh on house cat. Not bad advice

[quote=“Boss Hogg”]Toe Save,

Bit harsh on house cat. Not bad advice[/quote]

Yes Boss…a little harsh…but I do get weary of anti-abortionists…

There are enough disadvantaged children in the world. I don’t believe that abortion should be used as a form of birth control, but if a woman is unable to care for a child in a manner that befits a happy and prosperous life and that a birth would ruin not only her life, but the child’s as well, then she has the right to consider it.

And given this situation, she must be able to consider it an option without these right to lifers infecting the process.

Maybe I am jumping the gun getting down housecat’s throat on this, but nothing pisses me off more than an anti-abortionist. If I am mistaken about her views, then I apologize…but like she said…I have a right to my opinion as much as she does…and I will avail myself of it.


Yes, I am anti-abortion. This is my personal conviction and I make no excuses for it. I am not trying to tell anyone else what they should or shouldn’t do. And I did not say that abortion is not an option, I said it’s not a soultion.

On this thread, before I posted, there were numerous people giving advice to abort, even detailed info on how the abortion pill works. There wasn’t advice about other options (other than braxtgonhicks post for adoption agancy numbers), or even advice about what happenes after the abortion.

There is no simple solution to this situation. Abortion doesn’t just get rid of a problem the same as taking an antibiotic clears up an infection. I’ve known may friends who’ve had abortions and not one of them has ever been able to just forget it entirely and just get on with their lives. There are still things to deal with. You make a choice with abortion, basically, to live with what could have been, not to live like nothing ever happened. That is not something many people every talk about, and it wasn’t discussed here.

Adoption has some of the same results. You may not know your child as it grows up. You still look at other children in a park or wherever and think of your own. But you MAY know him/her. You may know him/her when they’re an adult. You may not. But you don’t have to try and convince youself that your child was better off dead than in you care. That is not a sentament that’s very conductive to getting on with the rest of your life.

And let me just say this about raising your child. No one is ever ready. Yes, there are couples who try for years before they have a child. Yes, there are women who chose to be single mothers when they find themselves still single at 35. But finding out that you really are pregnant is and enormous thing, no matter where you’re at in your life at the time. You can’t help but think of all that’s ahead and wonder if your up to it. I know single mothers. My mother was a single mother. Yes, I’d say it’s much harder than being married with children. But it’s a challenge either way.

Also, I did not say that having or raising the baby would cause her to automatically love and cherrish it. I said it gave her a CHANCE to. And kids with 2 parents get abused and neglected, too, so I can’t see that the fact that she might feel overwhelmed and resentful toward her child(especially with no obvious indecators like being very young, drug or alcohol abuse) should be a factor in deciding weather or not to have her child. She may feel those things and NOT abuse her child, after all.

Definitely, I’d say that the fact that she accidentally became pregnant is not an indicaton that she wouldn’t be a good parent. Lotts of stable married couples also become pregnant accidentally. Birth controle becomes routine, like jotting an expense in the checkbook, and how many times have you ever forgotten to do that?

So my taxes won’t go to pay for her abortion? Thanks. :smiley:

You also seem to be missing the fact that the woman whom this thread is about has apparently already made the decision to keep the baby. If you want to fight about it, I’d suggest starting your own thread.

You also seem to be missing the fact that the woman whom this thread is about has apparently already made the decision to keep the baby. If you want to fight about it, I’d suggest starting your own thread.[/quote]

Right you are MaPo…sorry…back to the issue at hand…

Sounds like these two are on the highway to hell anyway…playing stupid games with each other…I care not…I am out…

I agree that it’s important to use a condom… And, you have to be aware that it’s not the cure all for everyone,
But, if you’re not using a condom, you’re playing Russian Roulette with 5 bullets in the 6-shooter… basically, you’re gonna get pregnant that way.