Dear Gentlemen of Taiwan / Letting one off in people's faces

Dear Gentlemen of Taiwan,

or let me be more specific, of NeiHu,

I am now a guest in your country for over 1 year and saidly my time seems to come to an end. I do not need to mention it was a pleasurable experience in a city with broad sidewalks, well-mannered traffic participants and I experienced an air, filled with the exotic flavour and delicious scents only an air as clean as Taipei’s can deliver.

But as I am probably in my last two weeks here, let me submissively pass one request to you, acompanied with my entreaty to kindly take it into consideration.

Please, restrain yourself from spitting at my doorstep in those last two weeks. I know, we men in NeiHu Wen Deh Road have established the respectable custom to spit on the staircase in the morning and all those month here in Taipei it was utterly interesting for me to compare spit stains in their different stages of transformation over time.

But, could you be so nice to take my request into consideration and make this gentlemen’s agreement with me? Believe me, dear gentlemen of NeiHu, I know ho much I request from you, literally rocking the cultural fundament of your civilization. But, again, it would be a generous gesture of you, dear gentlemen of NeiHu.

Where ever you may be.

Your guest,

Bob.

[quote=“bob_honest”]Please, restrain yourself from spitting at my doorstep in those last two weeks … But, could you be so nice to take my request into consideration and make this gentlemen’s agreement with me? Believe me, dear gentlemen of Neihu, I know ho much I request from you, literally rocking the cultural fundament of your civilization. But, again, it would be a generous gesture of you, dear gentlemen of Neihu.

Where ever you may be.

Your guest,

Bob.[/quote]

:laughing:

methinks you’re asking too much, kind sir …

You might as well ask them not to belch and fart openly during your going-away party.

Okay, first I am going for some weeks, but it could be I stay away longer afterwards, could be … very long for job. But wife is still here with my nice furniture, I will miss both but that is another story.

I had an interesting experience with farting in NeiHu. There is this little jewelry shop which has quite a step upwards. So I walked passed there, in my mind already smelling the food from home (7/11), when the door opened and a lady stucked out her not unattractive rear, very tightly clad in a trouser and farted loud and long. Never had a female behind stuck out to me so close […wait, of course I had … you must read on…] AND farting. Amazing. First I thought this is kinda asking for … (spanking/anything else?) but when the noise came I was rather dissapointed :blush: :s

Belching! Tiny girls here belching like a 120 kg German who drank 3 liters of beer, amazing amazing…

Apparently angels do have orifices after all.

lol, are those in order of preference?

Once in Beijing, in the dead of winter, a middle-aged lady let one out right into the face of a friend of mine who hadn’t had the sense to get up and give her his bus seat. After the second bai-cai fart directly into his nasal passages, he relented and gave the old bat what she wanted. Ah, the mysteries of the orient…

Now you did it again. Another spit stain. OK, that’s it. I will achieve Weltherrschaft now and force you to learn Italian, you deserve it.

And slippers will be illegal, spitting will get you a 1 year imprisonment in a Lama park (those spitting animals from Peru). Scooters can be only obtained by medical prescription in the future, you will suffer the consequences.

Farting and belching in public will result in forceful transplantation of a tube leading from your mouth to your rear. Thus all 3 problems will be solved.

… okay … I will try to relax now …

I recommended that the friend get out of the way of the old lady before she dropped a steamer on his lap. The windows in the bus were nearly fogging up.