Dear Mystery White Man on Roosevelt Road, Section Two whom I spotted moments ago:
What are you doing wandering around the Guting area obviously drunk at 22:45 at night? The kids waiting outside Club Wax sure were amused by your weaving and stumbling. I was amused, too, because you seemed to be trying to catch up to a group of 台客 (Tai ke) up in front of you, until you stopped in front of the Hi Life. I stopped to watch, wondering if you were going to puke on some poor bloke’s scooter, but instead, you shocked me by taking out some keys and getting ready to ride one.
I sure hope you got home okay, but what the hell are you doing riding a scooter while drunk? You’re in your 40s (or had some bad times in your 30s), wearing a blue parka and sporting short blond hair. You should know better.
I wanted to stop and talk to you and ask if you were okay, but who am I to assume that you speak English (especially while drunk)? And besides, when I thought about it, if you’re on your scooter, you’re probably going to injure yourself more than others. In retrospect, I should have forced you into a taxi or the 捷運 (jieyun - MRT) which you were directly outside of. Shame on me.
To all else - is taking care of drunk and dumb foreigners my business? Since this guy probably spoke English, I may have been the best equipped person around to help him. He wasn’t some tourist. He was some guy dumb enough to drive drunk on a scooter! Grr. Many Taiwanese people would assume he’s my friend just because we’re both 外國人.
Any ideas on this?