Deleted by OP

Would you work on a duck farm? (if a visa didnt matter)

  • Yes…"here ducky ducky…i wont hurt you"
  • No Way! Er, there is this thing called bird flu…

0 voters

deleted by OP

Guess it depends how you feel about ducks and living with a Taiwanese family in the middle of nowhere. From what you have said so far it doesn’t sound like your cup of tea and your future wife doesn’t seem too concerned about that. Should give you pause I reckon.

and more from the Taiwanese wife…

She says that girl will always put her family ahead of you and you will wind up divorced. She also says there are not so many foriegners in Gaoxiang and you will wind up being hit on by the local girls who will see you as something of a novelty. That will be a problem if your wife finds out and turns you over to her gangster cousin who cuts you up and uses you for fish bait. Scary, very scary…

[quote=“derek1978”]My GF wants me to ditch any ideas I had about going to NTNU to study Mandarin in May, leave the US NOW and come ASAP! :s I was puzzled at her haste and asked what was going on. She says she wants to get out of Taipei and back down to Kaohsiung so she can help take care of her ailing grandmother.

She has a great job in Taipei. She

You can’t work on a duck farm. You won’t be able to get a work permit for that. Problem solved.

Is it a free-range duck farm? Could we get a nice Forumosan-network discount on duck for our dogs? If so, I say you’re being selfish and should move down there right away.

It sounds to me like a cool adventure, but, if your girlfriend is unable or unwilling to see that you have every right to be hesitant and majorly worried (not to mentioned shocked by the sudden reversal of fortune) then I would not go. It is noble of her to want to help out her ailing granny but you too are her family, or will be one day, and she needs to consider this. If she is at heart too Chinese to ever put you and her first (which still doesn’t mean she won’t want to go to help) then I would not go.

On the other hand, she may be thinking that this is also a test of your character. She expects you to realize that she has obligations to her granny and that if you want to be with her, you have to acept these. It’s like marrying an artist. You have to accept that they will spend a great deal of time concentrating on something as important, if not more, than you, in their life. They may also need at some point to move to further their chances of making their dream come true. If you are not willing to put her needs ahead of your own sometimes, then don’t go.

So my advice is to make it clear that you will support your love in this but that may be you staying in America for another year. Or it may mean you going. But either way she has to acknowledge and understand your concerns. Explain that you are thinking about their long term future. Surely there are other family members who can help that they don’t need you there. On the other hand, if it is a desperate situation, and this granny is someone your gf really wants to help (as opposed to just being pressured to help) you need to go. You would be a cad not to. A little old lady is in trouble.

Sandman, if he marries her, he can stay and do whatever he likes. Even without marrying he can apply for a multiple entry visa and leave every 2 months. But then the family has to know that they are going to have to help cover this expense.

Sounds like the honeymoon period is over. If you feel iffy about this whole thing, go with your gut instincts.

I can’t imagine doing what she wants you to and you being happy for life about it… :s

Just tell her you don’t want to get bird flu. :astonished:

But he’ll be married and doesn’t need a work permit … pretty smart your girlfriend … cheap labor … :smiley:

[quote=“bob”]
She says that girl will always put her family ahead of you and you will wind up divorced. She also says there are not so many foriegners in Gaoxiang and you will wind up being hit on by the local girls who will see you as something of a novelty. That will be a problem if your wife finds out and turns you over to her gangster cousin who cuts you up and uses you for fish bait. Scary, very scary…[/quote]

Duck feed, fodder … :smiley:

[quote=“bob”]and more from the Taiwanese wife…

She says that girl will always put her family ahead of you and you will wind up divorced. She also says there are not so many foriegners in Gaoxiang and you will wind up being hit on by the local girls who will see you as something of a novelty. That will be a problem if your wife finds out and turns you over to her gangster cousin who cuts you up and uses you for fish bait. Scary, very scary…[/quote]

Thanks bob for the frank input…fish bait? Yikes…dont think her family is too involved in the gangster scene, thank goodness. They run a vegetable stand at a market there and just converted their fish farm to a duck farm…guess there is more profit to be had in ducks? … any who… I think we have some talking to do, thank goodness her english is very good. Tell the wife I said thanks for the advice too.

What’s the time-frame on the help-out thing? If you can exact a specific period of time, you might be able to “pass” this character test and still do the things you want to do. Is there any room for compromise, or is it all or nothing?

derek1978 -
You post is making so many red flags go up that its looking like a NASCAR crash.
Forget it. Don’t do it. This stinks like the holding pond for poultry effluvia (bird-shit).
Re-think the relationship. She has.

An old dogs $.02

The worst thing a person could ever to to him/herself is to piss away their life plan to chase “love”.

Be true to yourself and everything else should fall into place.

Actually the part about the gangsters was a bit of embellishment on my part. We’ve been discussing your situation further though and both agree that you need to give this girl some time and see if she is capable of compromise. Come to Taipei as you’d intended, go to school, heck even check out the duck farm but, if she can’t see this is a big move for you that will require a lot of consideration and sacrifice then she may be a little too young to be getting married just yet.

Cross cultural relationships are all about compromise. If either of you can’t do it you won’t be able to find a happy middle ground and it won’t work.

[quote]A lot of you are married to Taiwanese, or have been

[quote=“bob”] …heck even check out the duck farm but, if she can’t see this is a big move for you that will require a lot of consideration and sacrifice then she may be a little too young to be getting married just yet.

Cross cultural relationships are all about compromise. If either of you can’t do it you won’t be able to find a happy middle ground and it won’t work.[/quote]

Thanks again… :slight_smile:
When I left Taiwan last September, I was full of euphoria and optimism about our future. I was hesitant a bit before about sacraficing 99% of my career goals here in the US, but all that didnt matter much then. I’m looking at the compromises in our relationship and it seems a little heavy on one side. I do have a bit more free agency than she does to make compromises, but it cant be a one way street only. Whenever I even hint of any type of “sacrafice” i have or will be making, she puts up the defensive shield and goes to silent mode (kind of annoys me). I’m the type of guy that wants to talk things out to hopefully make things better. I guess it is something in her personality that I need to accept or reconsider.

She is 24, so not “too” young…but maturity isnt always aparent throgh age. I care about her and I care about her family. I agree with you, sticking with plan A sounds good, with the possibility of helping out in the near future.

Again, thanks for the advice.

derek1978,

God told me that if you take the “duck farm route”, you’re fucked.

[quote=“derek1978”]

OK…can we have fun with this now?

Its friday