Psalmanazar, good points, however, I wish you had typed inspire rather than influence in your second to last sentence. All students are influenced by their teachers and other external and internal influences both positively and negatively.
[quote=“psalmanazar”]Some of you imply that it not the business of a teacher.
It
I give you a standing ovation, except for the ‘Battery9’ part.
Woops. Read too far above before posting. 
Definitely time for an edit. Sorry, Battery9.
psalmanazar,
Do you know any Taiwanese T girls? I doubt that they do this to get back at men…these girls don’t even allow themselves to be touched by their lovers! They just give give give, no receiving.
PLUS they end up dating girls that have the characteristics that you assume they hate. (I’m scared of cockroaches, I can’t think for myself, I need a man to support and take care of me, I need to twirl my hair, turn my feet inward and pout to get what I want) What is the fun in that? I really don’t think it’s much of a choice!
Sure, I am generalizing here…but the majority of the ones I know are like this.
bob, pardon me for being a bit slow on the uptake here - but what exactly is the problem?
You have a student who is sometimes a bit rude, a 14-yr old having difficulties with social niceties. I can’t see anything unusual there. I have plenty.
Or is it the fact that you happen to teach a student who is different enough, or unlucky enough, to get teased? That’s hardly a world-shatteringly unusual event either. (Come and meet Junior 1a some time.)
And, incidentally, she may be experimenting with gender roles. Or not, you don’t really know. So what? I can introduce you to a couple more if you really want me to. What’s the big deal?
Kids are often cruel, learning to deal with it is good practise for later life. I guess a teacher’s job - any teacher’s job - is to prepare your students for real life so I don’t agree with those saying it’s not your business. But what can you do beyond being supportive and giving them the opportunity to discuss problems if they want your input?
I’ve met you a few times and I think you’re the sort of guy that people with issues will confide in. You might let them know that it’s OK by telling a few stories (sorry, introducing a few discussion topics) that start with “This friend wanted to ask his ‘Uncle bob’ for advice about something. People are always talking to me about my problems because I’ve lived such a weird life…”
Then see what comes, but don’t expect to be able to offer any real solutions beyond keeping your chin up and nose clean.
If you think someone really wants to discuss gender issues perhaps you could just set the scene a little with, for instance, the episode of Blackadder where his new manservant (also Bob!) turns out to be a girl in disguise. Or something similar that allows for the conversation to be steered round that way if the student wants to, or not if they don’t want to. I’m sure you can find the opportunity to express your opinion that you don’t care in the slightest, and leave it at that.
I wouldn’t dig for ‘problems’, just be your normal caring non-judgemental self.
Thanks loretta. That’s about the attitude that I had hoped to develop anyway but it is nice that somebody with more experience would come to pretty much the same conclusion. Basically my intention is to assume absolutely nothing about this girl. It seems she wants to talk to me and I would like to make that easier for her to do if it really is what she wants. If anything I may encourage her to remain patient and open minded about what the future may hold. A fourteeen year old is very much a work in progress.
[quote=“Battery9”]I’m sure that her hormones are freaking her out right now. A lot of times when girls realise that they are lesbian, they get all ‘manly’. And in the gay community it gets rewarded. Girls need to choose between being ‘T’ or ‘P’. She sounds like a ‘T’, the husband. They act more masculine, dress in mens clothing,bind their breasts, get the haircut etc. It is a tough world!
Do you ask any of the other students about their sexual preferences? I wouldn’t go there if I were you![/quote]
Dude, I really think this could be a gender thing and not a sexuality thing.
[/quote] Dude, I really think this could be a gender thing and not a sexuality thing. [/quote]
Exactly. That is the kind of thing I meant when I said that I would assume “nothing”. Fourteen is not a good age to be coming to major conclusions about yourself. I wouldn’t be suprised if she thinks she is gay because she looks boyish and everybody else assumed she must be gay and so treated her like she was. There is most likely a tangled mess of influences at work here that have litte to do with who she really is.
Oh, silly me. I thought gender means sexual identity. What a nutsack I am.
OK so maybe I’m getting my ass kicked all over the place today but I thought gender referred to, well, gender but that sexual identity referred to other qualities usually associated with the word sex: sexual preference, self concept as male or female, secondary characteristics, that sort of stuff.
Believe me I have known a lot of people who struggled with these kinds of issues and the one thing that seems certain is that just about anything is possible. Boyish women who are completely heterosexual. Macho guys that are gay. Straight transvestites… The other thing I know is that people get a lot of their self concept from the way people treat them. People who in a lot of cases are not particularly wise.
Gender is a social construct. Sexual identity is how one identifies him/herself in terms of sexual preferences (gay, lesbian, bisexual, etc.).
I have some…well…some news. A lot of people transition (aka get sex changes) and are gay-identified afterwards. There are quite a few men out there who are attracted to the ‘opposite’ sex (women) who then get sex changes and become lesbians. I know it’s easy to joke about this stuff but it demonstrates the disconnect between gender and sexuality.
Side note This reminds me of an all-women’s weekend I attended in the Poconos in 1993 called Camp Sisterspace. It was basically a lesbian playground, except one of the sisters wasn’t getting any action. She was an engineer, owned her own company, and sat off to the side playing folk songs under her long tresses all day long. She also had the shoulders of a linebacker and was 6 foot 3. She was born male…but is now lesbian-identified…I hope she is partnered now, but she was kind of feeling left out back there. True Story.
Anyway…a LOT and I mean a lot of American ftms (female to male transsexuals) are gay identified after transition and tend to go for men. Whole websites are dedicated to getting these 2 groups together…who KNOWS who this youth will end up with in the future…who knows what role he/she will fulfill. We really don’t know. Maybe she’ll just turn into one of those really tough-looking dragonladies who own a bushiban.