I was having an interesting conversation today with a guy about his SO when he suddenly says “Well, I’m training her now to do certain things”. I had to laugh because on one hand I could understand that he was probably well meaning, perhaps just poor choice of words. But on the other hand it kinda got to me. Why be in a relationship where you feel the need to “train” someone?
The most common advice I hear from other people is that you can’t change a man. And quite often that is the case when a breakup happens. The woman laments that she couldn’t change him. So, why would a man change a woman?
Is there something about Taiwanese women in their upbringing that needs to be weeded out of them, aside from their love of all things cute?
Time constrains so no. BUt I did want to know because I find it curious as I don’t have any TW girlfriends. So, there is nothing there for me to relate to his statement or understand where he is coming from.
When I first arrived, I was having dinner with a male friend of mine and another friend of his. We were eating at one of those roadside noodle shops and I was picking at my food. My friend’s friend asked my friend why he didn’t order something else for me. My friend replied, “I’m training her to eat Taiwanese food.”
I’ve been reading up on positive reinforment with training dolphins (and humans.) I believe it is possible to “train” an SO, friend, co-worker, or anyone one else with tools as simple as bucket of fishies.
[quote=“Don’t Shoot the Dog!: The New Art of Teaching and Training”]Behavior that is already occurring, no matter how sporadically, can always be intensified with positive reinforcement. If you call a puppy, and it comes, and you pet it, the pup’s coming when called will become more and more reliable even without any other training.
Suppose you want someone to telephone you–your offspring, your parent, your lover. If he or she doesn’t call, there isn’t much you can do about it. A major point in training with reinforcement is that you can’t reinforce behavior that is not occurring. If, on the other hand, you are always delighted when your loved ones do call, so that the behavior is positively reinforced, the likelihood is that the incidence of their calling will probably increase. (Of course, if you apply negative reinforcement–“Why haven’t you called, why do I have to call you, you never call me,” and so on, remarks likely to annoy–you are setting up a situation in which the caller avoids such annoyance by not calling you; in fact, you are training them not to call.)[/quote]
I think any kind of relationship is going to have a certian amount of “training” that either side will want to/should do. I think just understanding this facet of human behavior will lead a person “train” anyone they interact with.
If positively reinforcing things that someone does is considered training, then everyone should be doing it.
The old adage is -
“A man looks at a woman and falls in love with what he sees. A woman looks at a man and falls in love with what she can create out of what she sees.”
I had a Taiwanese girlfriend for two years and I had to train her in the following areas. I personally wouldn’t use the term “train,” but rather “coach.”
not to chew with her mouth open or shovel so much rice in her mouth that she couldn’t close it.
-not to ignore me for 2 days if i wore the bedroom slippers into the living room then into the kitchen then back into the
bedroom. I actually solved this by cutting all the slippers in half one day.
-not to eat guts in front of me
-to like and appreciate animals (this took the longest but with a little “coaching” she got over her typical taiwanese views towards cats and dogs )
I think the main thing was finding common ground and working through cultural differences regarding expression of feelings, opinions, etc… east meets west… but with patience and more patience a lot of ground can be covered and it benefits both and both come out understanding the other culture’s way of doing things a bit better.
No one can ever “train” a Taiwanese person to think or behave like a westerner… but you can certainly meet eachother half-way.
I had a Taiwanese girlfriend for two years and I had to train her in the following areas. I personally wouldn’t use the term “train,” but rather “coach.”
not to chew with her mouth open or shovel so much rice in her mouth that she couldn’t close it.
-not to ignore me for 2 days if i wore the bedroom slippers into the living room then into the kitchen then back into the
bedroom. I actually solved this by cutting all the slippers in half one day.
-not to eat guts in front of me
-to like and appreciate animals (this took the longest but with a little “coaching” she got over her typical taiwanese views towards cats and dogs )
I think the main thing was finding common ground and working through cultural differences regarding expression of feelings, opinions, etc… east meets west… but with patience and more patience a lot of ground can be covered and it benefits both and both come out understanding the other culture’s way of doing things a bit better.
No one can ever “train” a Taiwanese person to think or behave like a westerner… but you can certainly meet eachother half-way.
[quote=“Don’t Shoot the Dog!: The New Art of Teaching and Training”]Behavior that is already occurring, no matter how sporadically, can always be intensified with positive reinforcement. If you call a puppy, and it comes, and you pet it, the pup’s coming when called will become more and more reliable even without any other training.
Suppose you want someone to telephone you–your offspring, your parent, your lover. If he or she doesn’t call, there isn’t much you can do about it. A major point in training with reinforcement is that you can’t reinforce behavior that is not occurring. If, on the other hand, you are always delighted when your loved ones do call, so that the behavior is positively reinforced, the likelihood is that the incidence of their calling will probably increase. (Of course, if you apply negative reinforcement–“Why haven’t you called, why do I have to call you, you never call me,” and so on, remarks likely to annoy–you are setting up a situation in which the caller avoids such annoyance by not calling you; in fact, you are training them not to call.)[/quote][/quote]
LOL such an intersting quote to use. Because that’s exactly a problem I have with my stepmom. I never can get her or any of my family members to call me. I don’t say anything to them any more. Occationally I’ll lament to my stepmom, that I wish she would call, but I know it’s useless to say.
[quote=“bushibanned”]I had a Taiwanese girlfriend for two years and I had to train her in the following areas. I personally wouldn’t use the term “train,” but rather “coach.”
not to chew with her mouth open or shovel so much rice in her mouth that she couldn’t close it.
-not to ignore me for 2 days if i wore the bedroom slippers into the living room then into the kitchen then back into the
bedroom. I actually solved this by cutting all the slippers in half one day.[/quote] Yea I concur, this would be an area where one may have to ‘train’ the SO. The way of dealing with communication in relationships is difficult, I can’t imagine what it’s like when it’s two cultures.
[quote]
I thought mine how do eat with moth open without using teeth [/quote]
You sicko*
I trained mine to sleep under a rafter despite the perils of bad feng shui. Also to keep her mouth clean after eating. chinese garlic breath = no thanks, i don’t care how stacked she is.
)