(I originally posted this in the women’s forum, and it was suggested I add it here too. here goes…)
It feels like foreign men and women are treated very differently here in Taiwan. The men seem to be celebrated and welcomed and the women seem to induce a kind of confusion and questioning. Fear of the unknown? Confusion over gender roles? I have no idea WHY this vibe happens. I am just stating that it DOES.
Does anyone else get these vibes? Sure, sure, there are plenty of really nice locals that I meet. But there are also plenty of times when I walk into a place full of locals and I get this “get the f*** out” vibe.
Would love to hear your feedback. My male foreigner friends think I am nuts with this. hmmmmmmm.
I don’t agree. I think it has to do with the way women are looked upon in general.
Passivity in women is highly valued by a lot of men here. Most women who make the decision to move alone to a foreign country to live and work would probably not be considered passive, ergo …
BTW, the “get the fuck out” vibe is more likely to be the result of confusion and maybe even fear on the part of the men in question.
I can also think of a good number of pubs in Scotland, that bastion of tolerance and sophistication, where you would get the exact same vibe. Again, fear and confusion.
But it seems to me that a high proportion of Taiwanese females, and even some males, are much more receptive to foreign women than they are to foreign men. I presume that’s because, in the case of the local females at least, they’ve taken on board the negative stereotypes about foreign men being sex-mad beasts who will interpret friendly approaches from a woman as an invitation to ravish her, whereas they don’t have any such fears when approaching, responding to, or in any way interacting with foreign women.
Hmm. So every time a local female is being friendly to me, she’s inviting me to ravish her. Thank you for this piece of advice, I’ll put it into action soon.
What’s up with all this casual touching Taiwanese women lay on me at the office? I think they’re trying to send some sort of message, if I can just figure it out.
Do you foreign women get the same kind of thing happening to you, that lots of foreign guys get from their co-workers?
[quote]What’s up with all this casual touching Taiwanese women lay on me at the office? I think they’re trying to send some sort of message, if I can just figure it out.
[/quote]
Yes, it happens. And i agree with Sandman that it’s probably due to confusion over a lone woman coming overseas by herself. But whatever, I just laugh it off, and if I do feel any hostility from supermachos, i just bail wherever i happen to be. sigh, you can’t change a place-that’s for sure.
i do think attitudes towards foreign women are getting better, but that’s coming from a gal up in taipei, i’m sure in tainan it’s much, much different…
It’s amazing how people can live in the same place and have such different impressions of things. I feel I’m treated like a queen here, while the foreign guys often get looked down upon for whatever reasons.
People are nice to me almost everywhere I go. If someone gives me substandard service or I think I’m receiving unfair treatment because I’m a foreigner, I’ll verbalize a complaint in Chinese. I’ve found that’s all it usually takes to get a change.
I do see a lot of Westerners running about town in old birkenstocks, shorts and scruffy looking t-shirts. In general I dress pretty nicely whenever I leave my apartment. I think that makes a difference. Maybe it’s only internal, but I feel like people don’t treat me as well when I look all scruffed out. But hey, I think that happens everywhere.
Learning some Chinese will also help tremendously! In Taiwan, even knowing a little Chinese will go a long way. Learn some funny Chinese expressions and start throwing them out. It’s surprisingly easy to get people to laugh.
I’ve also found that Taiwanese men are very intrigued by Western women and don’t really have a problem with women being assertive. The stereotype that Taiwanese women are passive is a total lie anyway. I have some great Taiwanese girlfriends and they are anything but passive.
Of course I sometimes complain about the lack of men in Taiwan, but in reality it has more to do with excessive pickiness on my part, rather than a lack of interest on theirs. The truth is if I really wanted a boyfriend I would have one.
I have no idea what it’s like to be a foreign man in Taiwan, but I think being a foreign woman in Taiwan can be pretty great, provided you have the right attitude.
[quote]The stereotype that Taiwanese women are passive is a total lie anyway. I have some great Taiwanese girlfriends and they are anything but passive.
[/quote]
I didn’t say Taiwanese women are passive. I said a lot of men here prefer passive women and I haven’t seen anything in more than 15 years here to make me change my mind on that score.
The only thing that gets on my nerves is the persistent question (as Au mentioned): “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” And concern: “Aren’t you lonely?” “Aren’t you scared?” Back home, only my elderly aunts would bother me with questions like that, but in Taiwan, almost everyone young and old, male and female, can’t seem to understand why I’m not dying of fear and lonliness because I came here without a man or a group of girlfriends. It’s the kind of thing I’d expect from a small town, but I’m living in Taipei. You’d think people in a capital city would be a bit more worldly, but…oh well.
[quote=“Owl”]Yes, it happens. And I agree with Sandman that it’s probably due to confusion over a lone woman coming overseas by herself.[/quote]I used to live Taichung. My wife (then girlfriend) used to come over to Taiwan from Hong Kong once or twice every month to see me. She would always come over alone. Bus and taxi drivers always ask her the same questions. Why are travelling alone? Because I feel like it. Why are you here? To see my boyfriend. Really? Why didn’t he go up to the airport to pick you up? Because he has a life and he doesn’t have the time to take 4+ hours out of his day to fetch me at the airport. You really shouldn’t travel alone. It’s dangerous. She even got this attitude from the immigration folks. They stopped her (then a 25 year old, mature looking woman) at the immigration counter for about twenty minutes once because they just couldn’t believe that a “young woman” would travel alone like that.
She grew tired of it quickly and started to make up stories to get people of her back. On one visit, she was a visiting investigator from Hong Kong’s ICAC, another time she was an Interpol agent, another time she was a 747 co-pilot, another time she was a retired USAF F-16 pilot who had come to Taiwan to act as a consultant for the airforce. Every time I picked her up at the bus stop, I’d ask her what her occupation was that time.
But it is, actually, quite dangerous for women to live alone, to wander alone in secluded places, to take taxis alone late at night, and so on, in this country. Isn’t that so?
I’ve always worried about girlfriends in such situations, and done my best to avoid their being exposed to such dangers. Although most men here would not pose a threat to unprotected women, there is a very dangerous minority who would seize any opportunity to sexually assault, rape, rob or murder a lone woman without the slightest compunction. And because the law here affords such appallingly weak (generally, almost non-existent) recourse to the victims of such crimes (especially sex crimes), a lot of these verminous scum feel they can target vulnerable prey almost with impunity, and the chances are that the victim will not even report the crime to the police.
So it is quite understandable that Taiwanese colleagues, friends and acquaintances are concerned about your well-being as a single young woman ill-equipped to protect yourself in such a threatening environment.
You are most likely mistaking fear for dislike. If you care to, give the people who are afraid of you a winning smile and a polite word or two. Sometimes you have to utilize your charm more than you would back home to get things done.
No one complains about arm hair on foreign men in comparison with Taiwanese men, even if they look like they recently acquired the ability to walk upright.
[quote=“ImaniOU”]No one complains about arm hair on foreign men in comparison with Taiwanese men, even if they look like they recently acquired the ability to walk upright.
