Discarded Dutch wife causes bomb scare

Mods, please merge other gobbledegook china post stories with this one, or the other way around, seems to be a few of them.

“Discarded Dutch wife causes bomb scare”
No link I’m afraid so here are some highlights:
“A discarded Dutch wife touched off a bomb scare in Touliu near Taichung yesterday”
“A passer-by found a dubious paper bag on a roadside current converter in downtown Touliu shortly after 3 p.m. and alerted police on a possible carton bomb”
“Police cordoned off the place and was about to tear off the packet, when a lady of the house nearby came out…”
“It was the Dutch wife some prankster had sent the high teenager”
“Red-faced, Ting told the police he kept the Dutch wife for a couple of days but swore he never blew it to life size”
“He was told to give the uninflated Dutch wife to a Touliu garbage collector”

Reminds me of a Frank Zappa song, I forgot which one, in which he goes on about dutch porno mags, and how they can’t get the flesh colors right, and inflatable love dolls or something like that. I’ll have to dig out the CD tonight and refresh my memory. But I don’t think that song mentioned Taiwan.

More trouble with foreign brides…

little rubber girl?

You know, me and my rubber girl
We get along really swell,
we never argue.
Three holes, no waiting

no, that’s not it…

Yea that might be it. Here’s the complete lyrics from “Rubber Girl”:

seeklyrics.com/lyrics/Frank- … -Girl.html

What a nut Zappa was. But then again, maybe I was thinking of “Ms. Pinky” which goes like this:

I got a girl with a little rubber head.
Rinse her out ever night just before I go to bed.
She never talk back, like a lady might do,
and she looks like she loves it every time I get through. . .

Seems Zappa had a thing for rubber dolls. But I thought I remembered something about the Dutch. . . hmm. . . why else would the China Post refer to her as a Dutch Wife? Is she wearing nothing but clogs?

Yeah, it doesn’t say much for Dutch chicks. :laughing:

They are used for bachelors in Denmark, once the poor fellow(s) turn 30 without getting married. Then the companionship of a Dutch wife might the only stable lay the poor sod’s gonna get.

Best NT$15 I ever spent.

I did not know that you could get them that cheap?

Must have blown apart after the first use?

Zappa was not the only one with a facination for blow ups… doesn’t anyone remember the Police song.“Won’t you be my girl… (Sally)”?

[quote]I was blue and lonely, I couldn’t sleep a wink
And I could only get unconscious if I’d had to much to drink.
There was somehow, something wrong somewhere, and each day seemed grey and dead
The seeds of desperation were growing in my head.
I needed inspiration, a brand new start in life,
Somewhere to place affection, but I didn’t want a wife.
And then by lucky chance I saw [in] a special magazine
An ad. that was unusual, the like I’d never seen,
“Experience something different with our new imported toy,
She’s loving, warm, inflatible and a guarantee of joy.”
She came all wrapped in cardboard, all pink and shrivelled down
A breath of air was all she needed to make her lose that frown.
I took her to the bedroom and pumped her with some life,
And later in a moment that girl became my wife.
And so I sit her in the corner and sometimes stroke her hair
And when I’m feeling naughty I blow her up with air
She’s cuddly and she’s bouncy, she’s like a rubber ball,
I bounce her in the kitchen and I bounce her in the hall.
[And now my life is different since Sally came my way]
I wake up [in the] morning and have her on a tray
She’s everything they say she was and I wear a permanent grin,
And I only have to worry in case my girl wears pins.

============= I’m not Dutch (Hollandaise) but if I was, I would be angry at the C Post.

  ===========                   Dutch wife? Why did they use this term?

You got dutch uncle, dutch oven, go dutch, dutch door, dutch window, and this …dutch wife?

         =========              Why are Dutchmen's wives called this? If it was any other ethnic group, it would be unPC. But the Dutch get it from all sides. Maybe they can take it.

          =====            But really, why call an inflatable sex doll a Dutch wife? Does this imply that the doll can sort of serve as a wife? Who invented that term? Ugly as sin.

They consulted their dictionary of outdated and long-forgotten English phrases, and this is what they came up with…

It never meant “blow-up rubber dolly” (which is what I have to guess the China Post was referring to).

Definitely from an outdated dictionary of the obscure. But apparently the China Post was not the first to use the term in that way. A google search revealed this.

Dutch wife: In at least Japan, but probably also elsewhere, a sex doll.

I certainly never heard that before.

[quote=“Mother Theresa”]Definitely from an outdated dictionary of the obscure. But apparently the China Post was not the first to use the term in that way. A google search revealed this.

Dutch wife: In at least Japan, but probably also elsewhere, a sex doll.

I certainly never heard that before.[/quote]

================ Yes, Mother Teresa, and if you never knew this, then most readers here probably didn’t get it either. I wonder if the China Post writer got it even.

================= “In at least Japan, but probably also elsewhere, a sex doll.”

===================== Oh. I thought everybody knew that.

===========Yes, I read on the Net that in Japan DUTCHU WAIFU means “inflatable sex doll”. But the Japs must have gotten the term from the Brits or someone in an English speaking country, right?

==============So who first came up with this term? Is it another swipe at our Dutch cousins for being thrifty and not wanting to spend money on a real wife, so just buy the doll and get your rocks off?

=================Some dolls even have holes for inseration, I am told. That’s the point, I guess.

============Is that what the high school kid in Tounan was doing with it? Dutch wife! What a horrible term! The Dutch Trade Office here in Taipei should sue the Post for defamation!

A dutch wife will have several holes, and a sharp knife will help you to get more - however she might deflate a bit by that treatment.

It’s good as a present for bachelors when turning 30, as getting married is harder at that age - a dutch wife will then be their best bet of a regular lay. (If screwing an inflatable rubber doll counts as a lay - after all the only thing you have to do is to blow into a valve).

An inflatable sheep might be better.

More news about Japan’s uses for Dutch wives:

A Jewel in Japan’s hi-tech crown: sex dolls, says the Japan Times

japantimes.co.jp/cgi-bin/get … 0425tc.htm

…Whenever Tsuchiya reads of a teacher or policeman nabbed for molesting a woman, or perverts who hold girls in extended confinement, he sighs to himself, “If only they had owned one of our gals, they wouldn’t have committed such a crime!”