Pretty girl just came 'round our floor, poking her head in each cubicle and handing out manila envelopes containing a small vial that we’re supposed to deposit our fecal matter into and directions for delivering such work product to the hospital for analysis. :eh:
True, I had to shit in a cup when I first started my job (maybe that was for my marriage visa), but I didn’t realize it would be a regular thing. Now the guy in the next cubicle told me they collect our shit every six months.
What’s with this fecal fixation? What the heck do they want it for? I never had to do this in any other country on earth, prior to Taiwan.
Are you sure that you have to, or is it just a service to you, like a free health exam? We have annual health exams at my institute and the first one was for free, so I did this, but I won’t do it next year. They might be all free of charge, but I would have to pay for some additional examinations. Something like that. So double-check with your co-workers and make sure it is mandatory, or just a voluntary thing. If mandatory, I think it is another sad loss of virtually non-existing privacy in this country.
It could be one of those “special offers.” Maybe they regard it as a job perk or something. My company periodically tells us to go downstairs and get a free physical of some sort from a hospital or clinic they contract. It’s not compulsory, but they kind of make it sound as if it is.
You could simply ask someone what they want to test for and politely point out that you don’t have whatever it is they’re looking for. Or you could simply refuse on the grounds that you’ve already had a poop test and that the whole concept is disgusting and a gross invasion of your privacy. If they continue to insist, I’d suggest that you visit their restroom, take a dump, don’t flush, hand the empty vial to your boss or a secretary or something and tell them “there’s one of my fresh turds in the lavatory. Knock yourself out.”
Send me a pm and we can make arrangements to do a poop-swap.
Could be. I just asked the guy in the next cubicle if it was mandatory or voluntary and he was startled – startled that one wouldn’t want to participate. He hadn’t read through the several pages of instructions (in Chinese), but he suggested it’s both mandatory and voluntary: not technically required but only a fool would pass up the chance to have one’s poop examined.
I’ll bring the directions home tonight and have my wife translate for me.
And as the dawn appears on a new way of undertsanding one is left elated and yet somehow vaguely disapointed. As though that darn horse was right all along…
[quote=“Mother Theresa”] Send me a pm and we can make arrangements to do a poop-swap.
[/quote]
Erp, I missed this bit…
Anyway, thanks MT, that really is a kind offer but I think I’ll spare both of us the indignity. I mean I’ve been looking forward to meeting you in person some day but yipes I think I’d rather do it at happy hour over a beer or two!
[quote=“bob”][quote=“Mother Theresa”] Send me a pm and we can make arrangements to do a poop-swap.
[/quote]
Erp, I missed this bit…
Anyway, thanks MT, that really is a kind offer but I think I’ll spare both of us the indignity. I mean I’ve been looking forward to meeting you in person some day but yipes I think I’d rather do it at happy hour over a beer or two![/quote]
Please don’t ruin the Happy Hour for all of us by swapping your poo.
Exactly. They’re the same in my office. You DON’T want a physical? But… but… it’s FREE!
Like in the 7-11 where the girl thinks you’re a little strange because you don’t want those little pink packets they try to foist on you (what ARE those things, anyway?). Passing up something as expensive as a poop test when it’s FREE CHARGE!!! makes you freaking INSANE! “I’ll never understand these crazy waiguoren, I swear!”
And no, they won’t post the results on the bulletin board, but it will nevertheless be a stimulating conversation topic for the entire morning when the results come out.
[quote=“sandman”]
Like in the 7-11 where the girl thinks you’re a little strange because you don’t want those little pink packets they try to foist on you (what ARE those things, anyway?)[/quote]
They are free ‘Hello Kitty’ condoms. But only for those with pencil-thin plonkers. Useless for those who shovel duck-crap.
Or just go on the street and collect some dog shit. That would be a funny test result. [/quote]
Several years ago the medical required for an ARC also required a stool sample. At that time I knew that the sample was no longer required but was still being collected becuase of tradition or “policy” or whatever. I happened to have a Snicker bar in my bag and chunked off a bit and dropped it in the vial. ARC - No problem!
I think it’s nice that your company takes back some of the shit it gives you over the years.
“No” is the answer to your question. If I want my shit examined I’d have a hospital do it, not my employer. They’ve got enough shit on me to fire me as it is without me giving them more. Ha.
Several decades ago it was common household procedure to use the family poop to fertilize the carrots and what have you. If, by chance, one happened to poop while away from home no problem! just pop the poop in a plastic bag and carry it home. On any given day, on any given bus, train etc. there would be several people carrying home their contributions to next months vegetable supply. Did a lot for the ambiance I’m sure.
I think I’d rather do it at happy hour over a beer or two!