So, I’ve been dating a Taiwanese girl for a little over two years. The first moment we saw each other I knew we would be together: love at first sight. I didn’t know much about the Taiwanese culture before I met her. It was only after we met that I started to learn (and read) about their culture. Bottom line: very different expectations. We had fights over money, disagreements about what we say to each other and how we interpret our conversations. Eventually, we established a confident level such that we know what we are talking about and how we feel. As time went by our relationship got very serious. At first we planned that I finish my college degree in the U.S… She wants to stay in Taiwan because she is the only child and has no one in the U.S. (except me). Being in medicine and not fluent in Chinese, the only possible career for me in Taiwan is teaching. So, in order to be with her I changed my major to teaching from physical therapy. Just recently, we decided that after I teach for a year in Taiwan, I will probably pursue a master degree in teaching English to further expand our possibilities. About two months ago I hired a private Chinese tutor who teaches in ㄅㄆㄇㄈ because that is the method still used in most Chinese language schools in Taiwan. I’ve been diligently studying Chinese and working hard with my tutor to learn as much as I can before I go there to teach and leave everything behind just to be with her. All she does is work. Now that you know the story let me lead on to the issue.
I begin to question her seriousness very recently when we had a small dispute about my Chinese language study. It all begin when I asked her to help me practice. At first I asked her once a week. But then I realized that I need more practice. So I asked her to help me practice at least three times a week. It’s not that she doesn’t have time: she come home from work around 6Pm M-F and is off weekends. The timing works out for me. And guess what her reply was? Here is what she said: “You’re expecting too much” …
When I heard that I seriously asked myself if she A) just doesn’t want to help me or B) is too easy going and just doesn’t care how much I learn?
Having been there and done that, as both the language teacher and the language learner in a relationship, I can say that you are possibly asking too much. And you’re possibly thinking too much, too.
Hire a tutor. Let your girl friend be your girl friend.
[quote=“nfsugtu”]So, I’ve been dating a Taiwanese girl for a little over two years. The first moment we saw each other I knew we would be together: love at first sight. I didn’t know much about the Taiwanese culture before I met her. It was only after we met that I started to learn (and read) about their culture. Bottom line: very different expectations. We had fights over money, disagreements about what we say to each other and how we interpret our conversations. Eventually, we established a confident level such that we know what we are talking about and how we feel. As time went by our relationship got very serious. At first we planned that I finish my college degree in the U.S… She wants to stay in Taiwan because she is the only child and has no one in the U.S. (except me). Being in medicine and not fluent in Chinese, the only possible career for me in Taiwan is teaching. So, in order to be with her I changed my major to teaching from physical therapy. Just recently, we decided that after I teach for a year in Taiwan, I will probably pursue a master degree in teaching English to further expand our possibilities. About two months ago I hired a private Chinese tutor who teaches in ㄅㄆㄇㄈ because that is the method still used in most Chinese language schools in Taiwan. I’ve been diligently studying Chinese and working hard with my tutor to learn as much as I can before I go there to teach and leave everything behind just to be with her. All she does is work. Now that you know the story let me lead on to the issue.
I begin to question her seriousness very recently when we had a small dispute about my Chinese language study. It all begin when I asked her to help me practice. At first I asked her once a week. But then I realized that I need more practice. So I asked her to help me practice at least three times a week. It’s not that she doesn’t have time: she come home from work around 6Pm M-F and is off weekends. The timing works out for me. And guess what her reply was? Here is what she said: “You’re expecting too much” …
When I heard that I seriously asked myself if she A) just doesn’t want to help me or B) is too easy going and just doesn’t care how much I learn?
What do you think?[/quote]
What I’m thinking is why can’t I find a man like this? :fume:
Come on, aint you done anything for LOVE??? Never watched Romeo and Juliet?? Too pragmatic to be a dreamer?
NO belief in destiny?
YOU lawyers are just … lawyers.
(making all that money and living the good life with a good wife, but…not a dreamer ooh no)
p.s. nama dont give up. come to sf, I will help you track down someone.
p.p.s to OP. Relax and chill. It takes a long time to be together with someone body and soul (the body is easy the soul much much much much harder). Dont spend ur time begruding her. Let all small things slide and make big things into small things where you can. And if you cant, take a deep breath and try again.
[quote=“housecat”]Having been there and done that, as both the language teacher and the language learner in a relationship, I can say that you are possibly asking too much. And you’re possibly thinking too much, too.
Hire a tutor. Let your girl friend be your girl friend.[/quote]
I agree. I would not teach my s.o. anything let alone English.
Most long term couples you talk to will tell you that SO make lousy teaching partners. Also, to be perfectly honest, young Taiwanese women can be extremely selfish about being helpful. Doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Just background and culture.
BTW, if I were you I would continue with my medical studies or at least science. Biotech is a promising field here and you won’t need chinese to work for a major company. And lots of foreigners work here in a variety of professional fields without any Chinese.
Teaching is a dead end for most people and there are hundreds of people with masters and PhD’s competign for jobs in unis. Add to that an aging population, and the lowest birth rate in the world, and you have a shrinking field.
I think this is a good test of her character. Your whole relationship with her is an ongoing English lesson. She should be willing to help you. Though you should be eager to find ways that she can help that don’t irritate her too much. My wife and I hassled over precisely this issue for years and in the end I make a little special effort to help with her English, just by using basic teaching techniques as the need arises, and she translates into Chinese anything I want but can’t say in Chinese. Every week I snag a good thirty minutes of material to listen to through the week. Much of it very well structured actually. We do weekdays in English and “try” to do weekends in Chinese. She knows to keep in mind what I know and use that as well as try to introduce stuff slowly either through context or translation, nothing too complicated. We try to keep it light and fun. It is fun. Language teachers are a big part of what we are to each other. I can’t imagine it any other way. Obviously both people need help. Why wouldn’t they give it to each other.
[quote=“nfsugtu”][quote=“Mother Theresa”]No offense intended, but you call that a man?
Changing his major and career plans and busting his butt to learn Chinese for her. . . :loco:[/quote]
what’s your occupation in TW?[/quote]
Lawyer.
If you want to be a doctor, be a doctor. Don’t give it up to teach cram school for a woman. It might make a nice movie (starring Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant), but it would be a crazy mistake in real life. Pursue the career you really want. If the two of you love each other you’ll find a way to work it out, but don’t give up your dreams (and a lucrative career) for love and nookie. My
Hm…when is your latest time to think or to talk about the future of your relationship with your gf?
If you still feel and think you two will still be together whatsoever, then I think it’s A.
If you are still not so sure after you have done so much, then it’s B.
But perhaps you’d think in that way was because you were a bit overthinking and she just felt a bit tired after work or she had a bad day when she said that?!
You are making very big sacrifices. I sincerely hope it all works out for you.
It is true (from my experience) that lovers don’t always make good tutors – you should be focusing on life and the relationship and not teaching each other language.
That being said though, I do feel she is perhaps being a tad selfish here. My partner of seven years has often (unsuccessfully) encouraged me to practice my Chinese with him. You guys have been in a relationship for two years – during the first two years of a relationship people are usually spectacularly encouraging and sweet. So, I’m slightly disturbed by your lady not being that eager to help you learn her language.
Maybe it shouldn’t bother you too much. If you are both young, she may not yet have learnt how to give, and three times a week is a bit much (try two – she has other responsibilities in life and people in Taiwan usually work pretty long hours). Moreover, I am assuming that you made your request by e-mail, messaging or over the phone. These are tremedous mediums but lead to all sorts of complications as you can’t fully gauge people’s states or moods. Misunderstandings over the phone or the Internet intensify when people are from different worlds (I know).
So, I’d suggest possibly speaking to her again about the seriousness of your plans to learn about her world and change your life for hers (unless you have done this ad nauseam already).
I’d also like you to consider these pros and cons:
Pros:
A cross-cultural relationship can be delightful. You can grow so much.
Taiwan works wonderfully for many of us (it works for me).
Teaching works for many people.
The person you are with might be more important than a job for determining your future happiness.
Cons:
Many people get sucked in during their time in Taiwan. If you are not a teacher at heart, you might get stuck in it as your only niche with little chance to go back to your old pursuits.
You do both come from very different worlds.
If you haven’t lived in her world for an extended period of time, you could have some surprises in store. Be prepared.
Love at first sight sometimes ends disastrously.
It’s dangerous to give advice about love and I’m simply doing it now because I believe you are in a difficult spot. Also, I’m quite a big believer in love. And I’m not fond of naysayers (my relationship was doomed – according to my friends – and many years later we are damn content). So nobody can really tell where your life is headed. But please be careful.
My sincere advice – for what it is worth: it’s enriching getting to know another country, so do it; and love should be tested before settling down, so do that as well.
Come over with the thought that you will check this all out for a year, but know that you can go back if life or love doesn’t work for you in Taiwan. Then you can recuperate and get on with your studies.
Hope the Taiwan thing works for you.
I think she means exactly what she says. Maybe she doesn’t like teaching at all. Like freethinker said , maybe she hasn’t learned how to/ or the importance of giving. Maybe three times a week seems overwhelming, you can ask for once a week to start. Maybe anything! In one way or another it probably is too much for her at the present time, and that is why she said that.
Assuming the other much more important aspects of your relationship are going well, don’t read so much into it.
You’ve changed the flow of your entire life over this person. That’s a big deal.
Not only are you putting all your eggs in one basket in doing this, which is wrong on a technical level, you also may be showing her NEEDY behavior and putting a LOT of pressure on this person.
Bottome line? Unless she brought you home to see the parents, she is NOT seriously committing to you.
Shes a woman, which by definition means it could all lead to disaster.
But yes, the TW girls who contemplate you as a mate do let their parents know usually. But there are no rule books in love. Thats why its an adventure. Its uncharted territory. Never can tell what goes on in their little minds, day after day, week after week, year after year (if you get this far).
[quote=“tommy525”]
But yes, the TW girls who contemplate you as a mate do let their parents know usually. But there are no rule books in love. [/quote]
Right… and this poor sap is looking for commitment from her. He’s practically cahnged the entire course of his life.
