Can’t expect our loved ones to be that patient,kind or loving when it comes to teaching us something but the stress I get when I ask her for help is not helping me ! Anyone else feel the strain?
Part of the strain is that if you have somebody help you with homework, inevitably 50% of it is marked wrong by the teacher, because what’s in the textbook isn’t what’s used in Taiwan. It’s not that the GF or helpful friend is wrong, just that their answers aren’t what’s expected by the narrowly-focused textbook… 
Hi Ironlady,how are you doing?
I wish it was as simple as helping with homework! My GF hates repeating herself even once. When I ask her which tone for something she has no patience whatsoever. I could find a lang.exchange partner but there’d be hassles regarding GF getting jealous(she’s possesive).She knows I want to speak to her in Chinese but v.rarely we do.
My GF is not that bad. While she hates repeating herself, too, she still tells me which tone something is when I ask her. 
She’s very honest, though, when somebody says that I must have learned my (very limited) Chinese from her, she immediately clarifies that I learned it all by myself or at language school but certainly not from her.
We almost never speak Chinese which each other as well. Funnily, the only time we spoke a lot of Chinese was when we were in some remote resort hotel in Brazil and it turned out the place was full of expat Germans, whom I didn’t want to find out my identity. So, you never know in which improbable situation your knowledge of Chinese might come in handy. 
BTW: Wouldn’t a male language exchange partner solve the jealousy issue?
My BF is pretty good about it. I’ve never specifically asked him to correct my Chinese, but he will occasionally if I miss a tone or can’t think of a word. He’s pretty patient about it. I’ve found having a live-in boyfriend who speaks no English is a great way to improve one’s Chinese, and I’ve learned tons of slang … now my main goal is improving my advanced vocabulary and use of idioms rapidly … I’m just lazy. On the down side, my BF prefers trying to teach me Taiwanese rather than correcting my Mandarin (he’s a “tai ke”, so he prefers speaking Taiwanese), but at this point I don’t really feeling like delving too deeply into Taiwanese.
I had a GF before who loathed teaching me any Chinese. In the end I wouldn’t bother asking her what a word was or how do you say whatever in Chinese. It was indicative of her general attitude; she began to get annoyed with pretty much anything. Not a good sign.
If your GF is getting pissed off at something small like that, then things are not looking good for your relationship.
Having said that your GF may feel as though you’re treating her like a walking Chinese dictionary, demanding to know the tone of a word every five minutes when she is reading a magazine for example. Have a think about how you are asking her for help.
Best to sit down and have a frank chat about the whole thing.
My gf simply told me that she’s not my Chinese teacher. We had a lot of fights because of this. I kept asking her simple words, and if she couldn’t answer, it’s a letdown for me. She saw it in my face as if telling her how come she’s so “****”, even simple Chinese character she couldn’t give a good answer.
Else, my gf doesn’t know how to pronounce radicals and how to breakdown characters. Everytime I want to communicate to her about a character, she need a piece of paper to write it down. She can’t write it in her mind as I told her to write radical by radical.
In the end, to avoid fights, I rarely ask her Chinese questions. We speak Chinese to eachother everyday though, coz she doesn’t speak English nor Bahasa Indonesia. She’s just not into languages. I thought that was the opposite attract. She’s good in Math and Logic, which is something I do not possess 
sadly.
ax
I almost never ask my wife about Chinese. I find the answer for myself, on the net, or at work. There are better things to argue about than Chinese 
It’s funny how such people expect help with their English though
It could be that her Chinese isn’t so hot, and asking her for correct tones could be making her feel a little defensive. Same as English teachers here - just because you can speak, doesn’t mean that you can teach. Sometimes my sense of tones, or consonants commonly mispronounced in Taiwan has been more correct than my significant other’s, just because I reinforce my learning with dictionaries, etc. and she approaches it from the perspective of how it is commonly spoken.
I met my wife in 1985 when I was her student. She spoke nearly no English and I spoke no Chinese… I started with bo po mo fo here in Taiwan.
Chinese (Mandarin) became our language… but I only studied for 9 months at the place I met her, and I never was a particularly good student. Most of my Chinese was learned just by listening to her speak and out and about in Taiwan.
I have never worried much about tones, as they are simply too difficult for me to learn… yes, it means that I’ll never be a really fluent Mandarin speaker… however, I rarely have difficulty in cnversations in Chinese… even if my vocabulary is somewhat limited and my tones are poor.
After 15 years of marriage, my Chinese has improved very little due to any assistance from my wife. I learn best by doing, and thus my Chinese “legal” vocabulary is pretty good, as is my vocabulary related to making sandwiches…
My wife and I don’t correct each other often (regarding language)… as we understand each other pretty well.
I think it might be best not to use your significant other as your teacher or even tutor. He/she can help occasionally… but if its a strain… find other sources of help.
Absolutely. Not everyone is a language genius. People who ask me sticky English grammar questions just get a dumb look. I am embarrased by my inability to answer and they are no closer to finding out.
Why not practice with the other students? There is no expectation that they would know everything so they can answer “I don’t know” without embarrasment. If they do know then telling you reinforces it in their own minds and everyone wins. If no-one knows you can all go back and ask your teachers then compare notes the next day.
[quote=“Spack”] It was indicative of her general attitude; she began to get annoyed with pretty much anything. Not a good sign.
If your GF is getting pissed off at something small like that, then things are not looking good for your relationship. Have a think about how you are asking her for help.Best to sit down and have a frank chat about the whole thing.[/quote]
Hi Spack,excellent advice about the matter! Thank you! I see you have been around the block already.
I couldn’t agree more! Only think of the time you could save if she just gave you the answer you were looking for on a silver plate! Of the fights we have, teaching me Chinese ignites trouble almost within SECONDS!I’m not exaggerating.She says herself that she’s got a short temper.
I guess it depends on the individual. I was able to help my ex-husband with his English (somewhat…within the limits of what he was willing to improve!) but hardly at all with his Chinese. He scarcely ever corrected my Spanish (which was the language we usually spoke together). Not that it didn’t need it; I guess he just figured that the point was we knew what we were talking about so why bother with the details. Or maybe he just didn’t know – I sometimes heard some weird grammar coming out of that guy in Spanish.
I actually get the most Chinese help from a flatmate of mine who is a foreigner but speaks excellent Chinese…he’s not afraid to correct my tones or usage, yet he’s not so arrogant as to pretend that he is the final authority. All in all, it’s easier for me to pick up new stuff from a foreigner or from a situation where there’s English being used (i.e., listening to good interpreting work) than through pure Chinese. For some reason it doesn’t stick as easily for me if I’m just hearing the Chinese, although I can understand new things on the fly sometimes.
It must depend on the individual – how you learn and how you teach, and how you feel about both of those things.
Hairy Knuckles:
She resents answering questions about Chinese, and she has a short temper. These are less than ideal traits in a gf (or future wife!).
You know, there is another solution to make these problems go away. Think about it.
It’s common for partners to argue about some subjects. If someone is your gf/bf doesn’t mean they have to be your teacher.
I’m always more suspicous of couples who don’t argue-----that’s weird to me.
All couples argue. Some just prefer to do it in private.
Some girlfriends thrive on confrontation. Avoid them at all costs.
Well my non-English speaking girlfriend certainly transformed my Chinese from bumbling to confident in about one year. Now she is studying, and wants me to speak to her in English. I guess her English is about at the same level my Chinese was 2 years ago - so we will see which language wins. Since she speaks almost no English, I never get to ask what some English word is in Chinese. Just now I know most of what she asks me in Chinese for English words.
I seem to have few troubles with tones - I rarely get corrected. However putongwha in Fujian (her original home) is a little diffent to Shanghai - I keep getting corrected to Fujian sounds:)
My Chinese wife has one constant answer - you are paying a teacher