Since I’ve come to Taiwan I’ve made quite a few friends. And a lot of friends I make seem to be married women who are very bored. They work all day, they have very little free time, and it seems like all they do is complain about their husbands. I’m not worried about these women trying to get it on with me, but it seems like they’re all bored and trying to make their life interesting by hooking me up.
But the problem is, every girl they’re trying to hook me up with so far has seemed like the kind of girl that nobody would be interested in, anyways. I mean, I’ve been losing weight but I’m still a pretty heavy guy. So the first few girls they introduced me to? All fat girls. I have nothing against fat girls, but it seems kinda like an insult to me. “Oh, you’re fat, I have a fat girlfriend, let’s hook you up.” I know that if a fat girl were introduced to me, she’d feel the same way, ‘are you trying to hook me up because we’re both fat?’
Then comes the pre-game talk. It’s always the same; she’s very rich, her parents are wealthy… It’s not like I went into teaching to get money.
Next comes the admittance; “Oh, she’s very shy” and “She doesn’t really speak any English”, but the pep back up, “but as soon as you’re friends you’ll be talking more with body language”. The last thing I want, after teaching English to kids, is to come to a girl and have to pantomime the same basic actions.
When we finally do meet up, the girl doesn’t even walk over to me and smile. It’s obvious she, just as much as me, doesn’t want to be put in this situation.
Anyways, my friends keep trying to hook me up with their friends, but so far it’s been like this, with variations, three times now. I’ve tried explaining that I can find girls on my own, that I’d rather lose more weight before I look around for girls, or to at least try to choose girls who are approachable and friendly and speak English.
Meh, while these ladies were fun to hang around the first few times (we’ve had great dinners, they taught me a lot about Chinese culture, and so much fun to hang around and talk with them), how to tell them, in a friendly way, “don’t hook me up anymore”.
Try “Don’t hook me up with anybody anymore. I’d prefer to be single for a while longer.”
OMG the once or twice I allowed myself to be hooked up with someone because someone thought it was a good idea. GADS, im sure the feeling was mutual is all i can (want) to say.
But I can tell you, they are generally worse then Blind Dates. You know? The ones that you know would work only if you were say … .blind??
Ha! A few years ago one of my kindie kid’s parents tried to hook me up with one of their family members. I got the whole shpil: “Oh, Jimi, you’re getting on and it’s time to settle down and raise a family, etc.”
Anyway, I was invited to a family wedding, and the prospective spouse was there. Really, she looked like a horse (not Arabian). The matchmakers kept throwing us together to dance or sing KTV duets. I was mortified, and the poor lass looked a little uncomfortable herself.
Eventually, I sat down with her and said “Yeah, you’re a nice girl and all, but I think we’re not really suited for each other”. To my relief, she replied “Yep, Jimi, I agree. I think you look too much like a horse.”
:roflmao:
[quote=“jimipresley”]Ha! A few years ago one of my kindie kid’s parents tried to hook me up with one of their family members. I got the whole shpil: “Oh, Jimi, you’re getting on and it’s time to settle down and raise a family, etc.”
Anyway, I was invited to a family wedding, and the prospective spouse was there. Really, she looked like a horse (not Arabian). The matchmakers kept throwing us together to dance or sing KTV duets. I was mortified, and the poor lass looked a little uncomfortable herself.
Eventually, I sat down with her and said “Yeah, you’re a nice girl and all, but I think we’re not really suited for each other”. To my relief, she replied “Yep, Jimi, I agree. I think you look too much like a horse.”
:roflmao:[/quote]
OMG!! You totally cracked me up!!
Yeah I kinda feel the same way as the OP. I just recently put up a thread on meeting older women, and someone suggested I tell my co-workers and even some of my adult students that I would like to meet someone. At first this sounded like a great idea.
However…
As the OP stated, what if you are set up with someone clearly not your type, but the well-meaning person who did it had good intentions, etc. How do you say thanks but no thanks? And what of the fall-out from a bad date, where something strange but awful happened (such as she has her first drink at age 35 and puked)? I would certainly come off looking like a cad because of her misadventures.
Then of course the whole class/office would be fixated on setting me up and the aftermath of every set-up. That could go in indefinetly. 
Although it does sound tempting to tell people I am available (and I will tell some friends), I am not prepared to open myself up to all sorts of social disasters that may affect my work. I would rather be single and have none of my students/co-workers keep a running score on my dating life.
Yikes. 
Hey, I still say you and HC should give it a whirl. (I’m really just mentioning it for fun, though I think it would be cool if you went on a date.)
I think going out on dates through people through work is fine, as long as with each one it’s just ONE date. And you tell your story first the next day.
makes me think of the movie, “life as wee know it,” but reality seems way more different. sometimes, it does feel quite awkward.
Sure I’ll go out with HC. 
:ponder:
Any follow ups have to be secret until you’ve been dating for a few months.
I don’t know if it was your intention, but your post had me cracking up at certain points. That being said, you can just fib and tell them you’re attached (with a girlfriend back home), or you can just be honest and tell them you’re not interested.
This is easy. Follow this simple rule (if you are male):
Don’t accept any Hook-Ups, ever*
*One exception: a close male friend who is already in a good relationship
Hook-ups work for women. Girls are always trying to set each other up, I see it all the time. They have no qualms about introducing their girl friends to cute guys that they know. Some actually get a big kick out of playing matchmaker.
Men, on the other hand, are selfish bastards. I’ve never, ever had another guy try to set me up with an attractive woman, or even heard of any guy trying to do this favor for another guy, ever. If a guy friend tries to hook you up with a girl, you can be assured that this is a girl that your friend does not want to fuck. If she’s attractive, he’s going to pursue her himself, even if he’s already in a relationship. The only exceptions are when a guy has a date with two women and needs an extra to make it a double date. I mean, when a guy meets a hot girl, he doesn’t think, “She’s nice, she’d make a great match for my best friend.” :ROFL : That is simply not the way men’s “thought” processes work.
[quote=“Quentin”]Hook-ups work for women. Girls are always trying to set each other up, I see it all the time. They have no qualms about introducing their girl friends to cute guys that they know. Some actually get a big kick out of playing matchmaker.
Men, on the other hand, are selfish bastards. I’ve never, ever had another guy try to set me up with an attractive woman, or even heard of any guy trying to do this favor for another guy, ever. If a guy friend tries to hook you up with a girl, you can be assured that this is a girl that your friend does not want to fuck. If she’s attractive, he’s going to pursue her himself, even if he’s already in a relationship. The only exceptions are when a guy has a date with two women and needs an extra to make it a double date. I mean, when a guy meets a hot girl, he doesn’t think, “She’s nice, she’d make a great match for my best friend.” :ROFL : That is simply not the way men’s “thought” processes work.[/quote]
While I agree with the vibe of your post, there really is an exception. To quote myself:
I am happily married, and considered hooking up a male friend with a attractive/social/etc girl friend of my wife’s. First time in my life I have ever considered such a deed.
But for the most part… Play it safe. Avoid hook-ups like the plague.
[quote=“Quentin”]Hook-ups work for women. Girls are always trying to set each other up, I see it all the time. They have no qualms about introducing their girl friends to cute guys that they know. Some actually get a big kick out of playing matchmaker.
Men, on the other hand, are selfish bastards. I’ve never, ever had another guy try to set me up with an attractive woman, or even heard of any guy trying to do this favor for another guy, ever. If a guy friend tries to hook you up with a girl, you can be assured that this is a girl that your friend does not want to fuck. If she’s attractive, he’s going to pursue her himself, even if he’s already in a relationship. The only exceptions are when a guy has a date with two women and needs an extra to make it a double date. I mean, when a guy meets a hot girl, he doesn’t think, “She’s nice, she’d make a great match for my best friend.” :ROFL : That is simply not the way men’s “thought” processes work.[/quote]I can understand your rationale.
But I will always help a friend.
A few years ago I met a friend in Bangkok for a holiday. He flew in from Europe. I arrived two days before. I pulled a cracker on the first night.
I told her a friend was arriving in two days. The next day, I met her friend who was stunning.
I was happy for my friend. As it worked out quite well.
There is so much life in that city…
I did one blind date thing in Taipei and I got off after an hour to watch the footy at home.
I’m not going to waste my time with someone I know I won’t want to see ever again.
I ignore any potential hook ups now and just laugh and make excuses.
Don’t hook me up bro.
[quote=“dnwolfgang”]This is easy. Follow this simple rule (if you are male):
Don’t accept any Hook-Ups, ever*
*One exception: a close male friend who is already in a good relationship[/quote]
Dunno. Depends.
I’ve mostly avoided it, due to fear of embarrassment, but at the end of last semester the ladies of a couple of my evening-class groups wanted to set me up, and I thought I should stop being so chicken and give it a go.
The first was a meeting with a group of mature students for a film and a meal. The hookup was an ambush, (perhaps to stop me chickening-out) in that I was aware of it as a general intention but hadn’t been given specific warning, so I hadn’t shaved and was dressed quite scruffy.
The lady was attractive enough, (maybe a bit too much makeup), but it was pretty clear she didn’t think I was what the doctor ordered, unless the doctor had ordered a hearse, painful rectal examination, stool sample…etc. Her English was OK, but I was quite awkward in conversation, and the group relapsed into Mandarin (OK, that’s not unreasonable) leaving us isolated. She baled after the film, before the meal, which I could’nt blame her for, though it dented my silver-tongued cavalier rep a bit.
After that I was keen to bail out of the second meet, but the married ladies who had appointed themselves my “handlers” squashed that quite firmly. Turned out to be a very pleasant afternoon in a restaurant. Conversation was general, the lady was an elegant, slim (though that’s not particularly one of my personal desirata) articulate, funny, music professor, probably of an “appropriate” age, though young-looking, and generally a cut above me. I didn’t follow-up on the contact because by this time I was becoming involved with an unrealistically young woman, who I didn’t find resistable. Doubtless that’ll end in tears, but its been very nice up to now.
So like I say, it depends.
I hesitate to say this, but I think one of the things it might depend on is who is setting you up. If you fancy them, (I’m assuming they’re women, as is usually the case) you might be more likely to fancy whoever they pick out for you to meet.
The main “handler” in the second group was an especially smart, classy, articulate in English, married uberbabe, and it seems at least possible that her standards might be proportionate. Only a theory, though, and I don’t have enough experience of this to say how generally valid it might be.
just tell them you dont need it and you love to being single for a while
That sounds like a pretty intense first date. Do you rent the hearse, or is that what you drive every day? I’m not going ask about the other stuff.