Droopy in Taipei: please help

When I laid off on the razor, and luxuriant bristles sprouted from my face :taz: , I thought I’d go the whole hog and grow a handlebar moustache.

But drop handlebars was not what I had in mind.
How can I give my tache the horizontal rigidness of a mountain bike?

Any tips from the facially hirsute, past or present?

If you’re thinking of something a la Salvadore Dali, wax is the way to go. Common variety hair wax by the like of Vidal Sassoon would do the trick; available at Watson’s.