Dumb & Dumber

What are some of the dumbest things you have heard about, seen, or read about?

The Human Catapult - Splat!

Aren’t Americans usually the ones to pull really dumb stunts? Isn’t Jackass from the states? Yes, but there is some real competition in England where some university students created a medieval-themed jackass-like stunt.

Oxford University has an unofficial club called the Oxford Stunt Factory. Last year they used a replica medieval catapult to sling stupid people through the air. This being Oxford and all, they weighed each idiot first and then calibrated the catapult so that it would fire people through the air in a 30-yard arc into a safety net. That was the theory anyway.

It worked great for the first five volunteer missiles. Number six was not so lucky. Something went wrong and a 19 y/o biochemistry student missed the net and died.

Oxford Stunt Factory says they did not know what had gone wrong. Two of the organizers have been charged by police for manslaughter. They should be charged with criminal idiocy.

Way to go Oxford!

Are you really, really, really sure you can handle drugs? Strange things sometimes happen when people use drugs. So think about this story the next time you want to get high.

Druggie severs, cooks and eats own penis

A 30-something guy in Kuala Lumpur got stoned out of his gourd, heard some voices telling him to do stuff, and whacked off his weenie. If that is not bad enough, he then cooked it. And then he ate it!

He didn’t realize anything was slightly wrong until he saw blood gushing from his crotch. So what did he do? Like a kid in trouble, he got his mother to take him to the hospital. Doctors say he will survive but will have problems urinating. Well, duh.

And I thought the bureaucrats in Taiwan were bad!

[quote=“The Guardian”]
Hell is Belgian bureaucrats

In Brussels, you can end up in court for taking your rubbish out a day early. Andrew Osborn reports

Friday July 18, 2003

It may be small in size, but Belgium is frighteningly big on bureaucracy.

The days when Congo’s vast territory was administered from Brussels have long since passed into the mists of time, but nobody seems to have told the country’s small army of “fonctionnaires”.

Armed with a battery of Dickensian stamps, a rulebook as obtuse as it is thick and the mindset of Cruella De Vil, they do their best to make the life of the ordinary citizen a special Belgian form of hell.

Switzerland is often accused of having more rules than cows but Belgium is not far behind, and for its bureaucrats no detail is too small. The mentality of officialdom here is not for the faint-hearted.

And while they appear merciless in prosecuting minor legal transgressions, when it comes to the really big things - like bringing convicted child paedophile Marc Dutroux to court seven years after he was first arrested on charges of child killing and kidnapping - well, you may as well whistle in the cold north wind.

Nor do they seem to give a fig about drink driving.

Hoegaarden-bloated Belgians pour out of the capital’s bars in the small hours almost every night of the week, only to jump behind the wheel and zigzag home - indeed, it is almost considered rude not to. On the rare occasions when they are stopped most are let off or escape with a small fine.

No, the Belgian system pours its energy into combating other perceived sins.

Everyone has their own story to tell, usually with their brow furrowed, their head shaking in disbelief, and their mouth spewing a stream of unprintable expletives.

I was reminded of this when I sold my car recently. Sticking a neat “for sale” sign in the back window of my car as I have seen many Belgians do, I thought I would be ok.

I was wrong. A phone call from the local policeman swiftly followed with a stern warning to remove the offending sign or face the consequences. It is illegal to sell goods on the public highway, I was told, and a nameless neighbour, bless them, had had the good sense to report my misdemeanour to the authorities.

Then there is the issue of rubbish.

Put it out on the wrong day or in the wrong type of bag and you are likely to bring down the entire weight of the Belgian establishment on you. A friend recently received a letter saying she had been fined 80 euros (

Drunk German comes up with sex addiction cure

Are you addicted to sex? If so, would you even want to be cured?

Most people wouldn’t. But this 41 year old German guy living in Berlin felt an overwhelming compulsion to come up with his own irreversible cure.

And the treatment?

Drink a lot of vodka, pluck up some courage, get a sharp knife, drop the pants, and then do a little amateur surgery.

Yep, another idiot whacked off his own weeny.

Afterwards he called up a friend to he’d done something stupid. The friend called the polizei and they arrived found the man in his apartment and his severed weeny under the kitchen table. EMS rushed both man and penis to a hospital. However, the man did not want his penis to be reattached.

Way to go dude!

What is it with guys that compels them to do that? That has got to be the dumbest thing in the world for a man to ever do to himself.

You can’t be serious.

[quote=“Reuters”]Lawyer to Sue Jews for Biblical ‘Plunder’

CAIRO (Reuters) - An Egyptian lawyer said Wednesday he was planning to sue the world’s Jews for “plundering” gold during the Exodus from Pharaonic Egypt thousands of years ago, based on information in the Bible.

Nabil Hilmi, dean of the law faculty at Egypt’s al-Zaqaziq University, said the legal basis for the case was under study by a group of lawyers in Egypt and Europe.

“This is serious, and should not be misread as being political against any race. We are just investigating if a debt is owed,” Hilmi told Reuters in a telephone interview.

The relevant passage from the Bible, Exodus 12 verses 35 to 36 reads: “The Israelites had done as Moses told them; they had asked the Egyptians for jewelry of silver and gold, and for clothing. … And so they plundered the Egyptians.” This translation is in the New Revised Standard Version of the Bible.

Some Jewish commentators say that while the Biblical passage may be fact, the Hebrews were enslaved by the Egyptians and therefore had a right to claim compensation for wages.

“Hilmi’s assertion that the Hebrew Bible is fact has given Israel and Jews the world over a reason to rejoice. He has opened the door for all Jews to sue Egypt for over 400 years of slavery,” writer Beth Goodman told Reuters.

Tareq Zaghoul, a lawyer at the Egyptian Organization for Human Rights in Cairo, said it would be difficult to prove historical fact in the passage that would stand up in court.

“This needs historical documents and evidence to back it up. It is rather far-fetched,” he said.

Hilmi said Egyptian and European historical and religious experts were trying to establish if the biblical passage could be taken as fact, and hence form the basis for a lawsuit.

He said the argument that Jews could sue Egypt for enslaving them was also being studied by experts.

Hilmi gave no details of which court he planned to file the case in or whether he thought such a case would be exempt from the sort of statute of limitations that in many countries rules out legal cases after a certain period of time.

He also declined to put a value on the goods “plundered.”[/quote]

The Darwin Awards are a good source for some of the dumbest things you’ll ever hear about.

Here’s one funny example:[quote](Late 1989s, Australia) A rather impressionable student of kung fu listened with rapt attention when his instructor dramatically informed the class, “Now that you have reached this level in your training, you can kill wild animals with your bare hands!”

The martial arts trainee took the statement as gospel, and headed to the Melbourne zoo to test his mettle with the wildest animal of all: the lion. In the dead of night, he slipped into the zoo, leapt into the lion enclosure, and engaged a suitable king of the jungle in combat.

He would probably have lost a one-on-one fight, but he never got to try. His naive fight plan didn’t account for the enthusiasm of the lion’s pride for a tender intruder; nor did it give sufficient weight to the possibility that his instructor didn’t know what the hell he was talking about.

Zoo employees found his remains – two arms and hands – the following morning, with shreds of red fur grasped tightly in his fingers.

Darwin asks, "Can you confirm this? It’s nearly confirmed, but I’m not entirely convinced. Thus far, two readers remember the newspaper report, and a third reader saw autopsy photographs of an identical mishap while training for law enforcement in Australia in the early 1990’s. If you have solid information, please Contact Darwin.[/quote]

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid ride again:[quote]Early one morning, police received a call warning that three robbers had invaded the bar of a Madrid brothel. The police dispatched several units, and confirmed that the call was true. Officers surrounded the building, and used a bullhorn to coax the offenders from the premises.

The robbers, understandably frightened, found themselves in an untenable situation inside a building surrounded by dozens of policemen.

Their subsequent actions may have been influenced by the ready availability of alcohol. Instead of surrendering, they decided to go out in a blaze of glory, and tried to escape while shooting at everything in sight.

The policemen ducked, covered, and proceeded to shoot back at the running robbers. Two were fatally injured, and the third was wounded in his right leg.

Why was the gunfight over so quickly? The three robbers were carrying REAL guns loaded with FAKE ammunition. They were firing blanks, making enough sound and light to fool the police into shooting back, but not enough to actually help them escape.[/quote]

I’m sorry, but these are just too funny:[quote]Men seem to have an affinity for large trucks. What else can explain the actions of a 34-year-old thief who decided to take possession of the engine of an old Bedford tip-truck?

The truck was parked outside a glass recycling company in Alexandria. It generally takes three men to lift an engine block of this size, but our enterprising pilferer decided that the best way to remove the engine was from below, rather than the conventional out-the-top-with-a-crane technique.

He crawled under the cab and began to loosen the bolts.

Suddenly the engine block broke loose and landed on his face, killing him instantly. Police ascertained that he had at least one accomplice, judging by the pool of vomit found under a nearby bush.

An employee discovered his body early the next morning. The manager said that the truck was about to be scrapped. “If he had come and asked me for it, I would have given it to him.”[/quote] :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Dumb and Greedy

Harvard University professor and cancer institute researcher Xu Weldong fell for the Nigerian 419 scam in hopes of making tens of millions in quick profit.

After the the usual “unforseen expenses” problem popped up he started hitting up students, colleagues and friends for cash, supposedly for SARS research in China. He collected $600,000, which he sent to Lagos.

Boston police said that Xu would not admit that he had himself been scammed and told them the was investing the money in a Nigerian business venture in which he expected a $50 million return.

news.bostonherald.com/localRegio … cleid=3118

thebostonchannel.com/news/29 … etail.html


The penis-cutoff-ers strike again:
story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=s … odia_penis

Cambodian cuts off penis to feed spirits
Mon Mar 29, 3:01 AM ET

PHNOM PENH (Reuters) - A Cambodian man cut off his penis when he said he was visited by four hungry spirits in a dream and he had no chicken or duck to offer them.

According to police, 33-year-old Soun Ney told the spirits to go away when they first appeared to ask for food, and waved his penis at them in defiance.

“Devils, I don’t have any chicken or duck for you,” he was quoted as saying by local police chief Phoeung Vat. “If you want to eat anything, you can eat my penis.”

Soun Ney said the spirits agreed to eat his penis. He was rushed to a hospital near the capital Phnom Penh after he castrated himself with a butcher’s knife.

“He is lucky to be alive,” Phoeung Vat told Reuters.

Villagers in the deeply impoverished southeast Asian traditionally offer chicken, duck or cake to the spirits of the dead to ward off bad luck. [/quote]

Here’s for instance a “Lab” assignment from the “college” I unfortunately enrolled with:

“Change the shape of the box below from green background to orange and decrease the border radius by 50%”.

And below, they show a square with green background on the left, and a circle with orange background on the right.

So according to them, by decreasing the radius of a square you end up with a circle.

The most alarming thing is that almost no one in my “class” is bothered by this intergalactic idiocy. They are almost all millennials…

I really hope Satan is coming soon, so I can get out of here. I’m so fed up with all the retards.