Dumped - Seriously!

[butcher_boy]

[quote=“The200Club”]
I ssuppose this must be my fault as she is leaving me. Not the other way around. [/quote]

Forget about the fault thing. Blind alley not worth going up.

[quote=“The200Club”]
I don’t think she is a weirdo. [/quote]

I suspect there are degrees of weirdness. make sure your not just trying to convince yourself that she is ok and you didn’t make a mistake coming here. Maybe you did. If so accept in and move on.

@The200Club

I say “I miss my family” she says, “Go home then.” Thats not right is it?

no it’s not right. (Although some girls here can be a little blunt)

[quote=“The200Club”]Oh blah blah blah. I love her. I gave her my life. [/quote] then now is the time to take it back. Relationships aren’t about one side giving themselves to the other. They are about both people giving themselves to each other. If she can’t do this then you gotta get yourself back.

Good luck!

[Roach]

@The200Club wrote

My criticism of her usually is that she doesnt try to understand my needs. Her reply is that she is trying her best, and that I don’t recognize her efforts.

Perhaps she was right. Perhaps the lack of understanding is the other way round???

EDIT

I had to think about this for a moment…

It seems that you were the one who not only did not understand her but you also did not understand what you were actually like and how you acted towards her and were perceived by her. Maybe you should take the time to think about that…

[almas_john]

Drinking beer: About 4 cans a week.

Sounds like some evil bloody Chinese torture. Restricting yourself to four a day would be hard enough, but she complains about four a week!
I’m lucky - my ball n’ chain likes me drinking.

[bob]

It sounds to me like this relationship has been on the skids for awhile and your girl sounds like a bit of control freak anyway. I’d go looking for somebody more passionate. You’ll have forgotten this first one in a couple of weeks.

[TomHill]

@bob

It sounds to me like this relationship has been on the skids for a while and your girl sounds like a bit of control freak anyway. I’d go looking for somebody more passionate. You’ll have forgotten this first one in a couple of weeks.

Unless you are just trying to cheer him up it sounds to me like your advice is ill thought out. Didn’t he say he loves her still?

200, go find out what you did to make her dump you. Are you 100% innocent in this break-up? Roach wrote some harsh words, but they make sense. How have you dated this girl for 2 years if you blame her for so many things? You wrote “I gave her my life” what does that mean, and is it possible that you blame her for that? If you think she limits your behaviour then you need to do something constructive about that instead of blaming her. Mrs Hill tells me what she wants and I tell her if I agree or not. Then we discuss.

Don’t go whoring, or looking for another g/f yet. Talk to your partner and find out what you did that made her want to leave you!

[bob]

Have you never suffered through a break up because of “love” only to realize later that the break up was exactly what you needed? It just doesn’t sound to me like they are suited for each other. If that’s the case he should move on, find a new one, think positive, smile, be happy… it’s all good.

By the way Tom a few of us are still waiting for the next installment of bushiban the movie (that probably isn’t what it was called but I have never been good with details).

[Chewycorns]

@TomHill

Don’t go whoring, or looking for another g/f yet.

I disagree…sometimes new “[color=red]MOD[/color]” can be an elixir for introspection after a breakup. Go out and spread the seed young man!!!

[TomHill]

By the way Tom a few of us are still waiting for the next installment of buxiban the movie

S#it, I forgot about that!

Have you never suffered through a break up because of “love” only to realize later that the break up was exactly what you needed? It just doesn’t sound to me like they are suited for each other.

One limitation of forumosa is that you rarely get the full picture… He is probably bitter after the break-up. So I have no idea if they are suited to each other. I just know that he is probably angry and confused. My advice is go talk to your woman, 200club.

Tom. Manwhore in thought only.

[Roach]

@bob

Have you never suffered through a break up because of “love” only to realize later that the break up was exactly what you needed?

I’m sure there are many readers here that have… But I’m quite sure that not all break ups are final. They can be what is needed for people to get a perspective on their relationship and work things out - and bring about true understanding and reconciliation…

@bob

It just doesn’t sound to me like they are suited for each other. If that’s the case he should move on, find a new one, think positive, smile, be happy… it’s all good.

We don’t know all the facts so how can you say they are not suited? That’s up to our friend 200 to work out. However, if that is the case you are soooo right.

200, maybe she has just given you a “wake up call”… In which case you really should take a good hard look at yourself and see how you can sort things out. If not then heed bob’s words (and the words of others) - get on with the rest of your life…

But either way, if you really do love her then you gotta give yourself the time to find out…

P.S. Is it ‘upto’ or ‘up to’?

[anon38216271]

Here’s something to do to get “in touch” with yourself, while you are going thru this.

1)go out and get your favorite beer on Sat
2)call a couple of friends over
3)Turn on a sports game, full blast
4)grunt with male friends over game
Then at some point with one good friend, talk about her like a dog, and then call that cutie you have been eyen’
Best of luck man.

[housecat]

Hmmm. I’d like to say I like the advice about talking with her. I’m a very straight forward kind of gal and lots of times my advice can come across as harsh, but I don’t think she ment to be flippant by saying, “go home then.” When you say you’re home sick. I wasn’t there, I know, but maybe she’s sincere that maybe you need a little trip back “home.” Or maybe, she’s got a lot on her mind when you mention it, needs that you aren’t even noticing, and she feels frustraited with you for not noticing and now needing to handle your need for understanding as well as her own concerns. Just my 2 cents, but as a woman I can hear more than flippancy in that reply. And I can tell you that a woman does NOT want to have to hand you a laundry list of her needs and be treated like a to-do list. She needs you to notice all by your self. If you did that, I guarentee you’d have more sex! And come on, other than the OCCASIONAL guy’s night, is beer really so much to give up for the woman you gave your life to anyway?

[Mr_He]

What are you talking about housecat?

If I ever said something good about my native lands to my ex, she would blurt out similar stupidities… “If you don’t like it here, you can leave…”.

It’s toughtlessness and a bit cruelty in my personal view.

[system]

Seriously, girls, ONLY once or twice a month is acceptable? That’s what you actually WANT? I can understand if this were a married couple that had been together for over 10 years, but they’re not even married yet. I’ve heard of low sex drives but this guy’s girlfriend’s is practically non-existent. On a 1 to 10 scale, her frigidness ranks at a -2. If I didn’t know better (and I don’t) I’d suspect this woman was playing him for a green card. If your girlfriend is so disgusted with you that she won’t even touch you or sleep in the same bed with you, that’s a major clue hitting you over the head right there. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! HIT YOU OVER THE HEAD ONE MORE TIME! WHAM! THIS GIRL DOES NOT LIKE YOU. SHE IS ONLY USING YOU FOR SOME OTHER PURPOSE, I DON’T KNOW WHAT, BUT LIKELY YOUR PASSPORT. SHE IS NOT THE RIGHT GIRL FOR YOU. MOVE ON.

You are in Taiwan. There are thousands of cute, available girls all around you. Hook up with one of them and live happily ever after. Forget this bitch.

[Danimal]

Girls only want it once or twice a month if they’re with a guy they don’t like very much. The fact that this girl won’t sleep with him very often says that there’s something wrong with the relationship, not the girl. (By the way, I snore like a buzz saw, but my gf always sleeps right next to me. The day she says, “I want to sleep in another room,” is the day I say, “Let’s talk…”)

I wouldn’t go so far as to say this girl is using you, 2000, but I think Rubicon is right that she clearly doesn’t feel the same anymore. The fact that you

[L-A]

First of all, 200, hang in there.

Secondly, you love her, but I want to ask you, were you happy while you were going out with her? I don’t mean when you first started going out with her, or even the first 6 months (ie, when you’re still in a bonkfest infactuation mode), but the last year or so?

I saw the signs of my last big break-up 6 months in advance, tried to be constructive and save the relationship, convinced myself I loved him, convinced myself this is as good as it gets and is better than being alone.
This was all crap. When it all ended and I had time to take everything in I realized I was not happy at all, had been making myself miserable trying to make sacrifices to be with someone who just wasn’t right for me. Worse, nobody can force you to make these sacrifices, or, as you said, give her everything. You do this to yourself. I’m not trying to say your break-up is similar to mine, just think about how life has been recently. Don’t just think about what she has(n’t) been doing to you, but also what you have been doing to yourself.

Finally, if I only want to bonk my (non-existent, I’m just playing devil’s advocate here) boyfriend once a month and am trying to avoid any intimacy with him, I am either extremely stressed and overworked, or, much more likely, miserable. About us. Not trying to have some powertrip over said non-existent boyfriend in order to get a greencard (!? Do guys actually think girls hold out on nooky as a form of blackmail?! Am I really naieve? Do such girls exist? My head hurts). Some of her retorts (eg, go home) scream the same thing. Big time unhappiness. And resentment at you for either not seeing it, or not understanding why. Or maybe she’s just a cow.

Maybe you can try to talk to her, if she’ll let you. If she’s really the one you want and you two get another shot at it, good luck.
If not, take it on the chin and think about what is best for you and what you want to do for yourself with your new freedom. Life is way too short to pine over someone who thinks 4 beers a week is excessive.

[housecat]

[quote=“Mr He”]What are you talking about housecat?

“If you don’t like it here, you can leave…”

.[/quote]

Ouch! Sorry Mr He, sounds like a nightmare you went though. “If you don’t like it here, you can leave,” is not what I meant, and not what he said. I took it that she said, “well, go home, then,” and that she could have said it with a little less vinegar than maybe you were thinking.

What I’m talking about, in general, is that they obviously had some communication problems, and if he wants to/wanted to try and fix them, he should maybe start with himself first. Sometimes a woman wants to be figured out. She’s likely been dropping hints, giving signals, that were too subtle for him to pick up on while he was trying to live his life in this place. I also took it that he moved here with/for her, and that seems like a very natural state for them to end up in, without a lot of effort.

[housecat]

@L-A

Big time unhappiness. And resentment at you for either not seeing it, or not understanding why. .

That’s what I’m getting at. That’s why I said he’d get a lot more sex if he paid more attention to her.

[Loretta]

Inertia. That was the only thing keeping her in the relationship.

She was studying overseas? Met a guy, had an adventure, and two years later he’s still tagging along. The passion’s gone. There’s no reason to still be together, but you are because there was no reason to part.

But without the passion blinding her eyes to your ‘faults’ they became more and more unacceptable, until one day she decided they constituted a good reason to get rid of you.

You can give up drinking, but it won’t change anything. On her side there’s no reason to get back together.

That might be a bit hard to deal with if you’re still in love. But I doubt it’s ever going to be reciprocated, so why are you wasting your time. I think you’ve been so wrapped up in what you imagine you get out of the relationship that you haven’t noticed that she’s not getting anything. And what do you really get out of it?

Good conversation? Good sex? A companion who shares your innermost secrets, hopes and desires? A partner to work through life’s challenges with? The security of having a girlfriend?

I don’t understand why you persisted in a relationship that appeared to have nothing going for it for so long. If you’re living separate lives in much the same space then you’re not really in a relationship. You’re just co-habitating. Might as well just get a room-mate.

If a relationship isn’t working you should dissolve it, or else recognise that it’s not working and do something about it before it gets down to four cans of beer being grounds for divorce. If your S.O. won’t sleep with you then you’ve got a problem. If you don’t resolve your problems when they appear then you only have yourself to blame if things go horribly wrong some time later.

Learn and move on.

[bob]

I don’t see the big deal about “sleeping” together. Another body in my bed just bugs me if I just want to sleep. My wife and I have seperate bedrooms. She usually comes to my bed for cuddles and stuff till one of us gets sleepy. If it is me I send her packing. If it is her I kick her out before she falls aleep in my bed. She doesn’t care because actually she doesn’t like sleeping with me either. Says it makes her hair stink.

[almas_john]

Housecat wrote [quote]is beer really so much to give up for the woman you gave your life to anyway?[/quote]

YES!