just had a dinner with a friend who is forty something… she cried like a baby on the phone before we met. we talked a lot tonight. she had a bad time recently. sick and her dad got cancer. life is bad for her… even her sisters gave her negative thoughts and made her down. she never gets teh postive thoughts from her family. This is the tradtional Chinese education…Please give the children more encourage and postive thoughts… it really helps them a lot… it is what i thought tonight…
Why is this the traditional method of raising children? Help us understand why encouragement and love are not openly expressed in many Taiwanese families (if that is indeed your point here).
My sympathies to your friend.
Um, ok, well, she’s an adult–she can choose not to listen and/or hang around her sisters. You dont need positive thoughts from your family in order to lead a happy and fulfilling life–you are your own rainbow. 
The thing with families is they take it for granted that they will always be there. Having a chat with your parents becomes a chore, small talk become grunts and one word answers, you lose patience, you do the “tsk” whenever the other person takes a second too long to do something, etc…
We should all stop and listen more instead of talking more. There’s so much you miss out on when you’re the only one talking.
May guo, I hope you gave your friend a lot of encouragement and made her see that there is a better life for her, she just has to choose it. Good luck to your friend. 40 something is just the beginning!
i don’t know if you know most of parents in Taiwan, they all wish their children can get 100 score… if their children get 98, parents won’t satisfy with that. they will ask them to get 100… most of children learn how to deduct well. most of them don’t know how to add well… you can see how children give change… you will see…
[quote=“914”]We should all stop and listen more instead of talking more. There’s so much you miss out on when you’re the only one talking.
![/quote]it is what i talked to my friend. i can only be with her if she needs me and listen… she needs to make her choice and lives for herself…
A sad story, but I am thinking many of the replies missed the OP’s original point.
I am thinking this was a request for wai guo ren teachers to be generous with the love to the little ones, not a request to start a debate on the validity of Taiwanese child rearing techniques.
Maybe I am wrong but I really think that is what she intended.
So, if I am correct I think it is an easy request.
For many of us it is our pleasure
Uh, which posts are written in the spirit of opening a debate on Taiwanese childrearing practices? If you’re referring to my post, I don’t think I made myself very clear, because that isn’t what I’m interested in.
I’m interested in learning more about how Taiwanese kids are raised. I’ve lived in Taiwan for nearly six years, and I still don’t know much about it. The insight that May offered in her follow up post was helpful–I’ve observed fathers who are upset when a child brings home a grade that is less than perfect, but am not sure how widespread that is. More to the point, I’m interested in how child rearing practices have changed over time, between generations.
Perhaps a little more understanding on the issue will help foreign teachers who work with children. I don’t work with children, but I’d like to know for my own reasons.
If a mod would like me to start a thread on this issue, I’m happy to comply.
Cheers.
[quote=“shifty”]
A sad story, but I am thinking many of the replies missed the OP’s original point.
I am thinking this was a request for wai guo ren teachers to be generous with the love to the little ones, not a request to start a debate on the validity of Taiwanese child rearing techniques.
Maybe I am wrong but I really think that is what she intended.
So, if I am correct I think it is an easy request.
For many of us it is our pleasure
[/quote]
That would be nice, and I think any teacher anywhere in the world is in that position to do such a thing. But in Asia, I offer encouragement, but 90% of the time, I believe it goes in one ear and out the other, because of traditional beliefs that parents are to be honored and revered, so their beliefs supercede what impact I may try to make. Also, you have to confront the stereotypes/beliefs held about waiguoren. I’ve noticed a lot of times when I’ve encouraged a student after they have done ‘poorly’ on something, only to see a blank glaze when I tell them. I think that here parents are very concerned with results as a measurement of success, and sometimes the best ways to get it is via domination and control.
Also, as I get older, I just realize that it’s not my place to ‘add’ to the parental guidence. It’s not my child, and I wouldn’t want to do anything that cause level of conflict within the parent-child relationship. How someone raises their child is subjective, and besides I’m not there 24/7 to see the full picture anyway.