In bigger cities in America, the question “What do you do?” is almost considered impolite. Here, it’s usually the first topic after meeting someone.
Since my work is not easy to explain, there are inevitably questions, which is fine, but they all tend to pry into how much money I am earning. This can be amusing, or annoying. The amusing thing is people here equate inflated job titles and big company names with success. These same job titles in the US are basically meaningless – Research Head, Business Development Manager, Business Analyst, Account Manager, Director…
The thing that I find slightly off-putting is the length of our conversation is typically determined by my initial job description. Since I happen to be the janitor and the CEO, I can explain what I do in many ways. Though, I am afraid I must only mention the janitor position as a way to filter out disingenuous people.
It’s a good filter question. Slightly crass, slightly boring, and not considered polite to ask in times of unemployment and redundancy. Those glib yet deeply personal questions about work, family, housing, etc, don’t always have glib, impersonal answers. It’s not rude, as such, but it’s not really polite to put people on the spot in front of strangers - they are then forced to say something to make you feel comfortable to maintain the glib social chitchat thing.
But then, it’s not necessarily deliberately rude - some people are just shy and don’t know what to talk about so simply interrogate people about private or boring stuff because that’s what they pick up from society - ‘People love to talk about themselves - ask questions!’ It’s something easy to hook onto and people seem to ‘prepare’ a repertoire of ‘new person’ questions, almost, instead of just talking about the actual situation and and living in the present.
It’s daft but understandable. I guess we just all think we are precious individuals who would rather be defined by something other than work, whereas that’s how a lot of people file you in their brain. The post 20s reality, I guess. What’s the alternative? Hobby one-up-manship I guess, which is what you get in Oxford - ‘I learn Spanish, make jewellery and do creative writing workshops?’ ‘Reeeeaaaallly? That’s so interesting! I go kayaking, do aikido and am attending lectures on Zen Buddhism. Nice ciabatta, no?’
True. Reminds me of a novel I read many years ago, I forget by whom but I think it may have been Philip Roth or John Updike, in which the protagonist is seated on an airplane when his seatmate asks, “what do you do?” He then realizes the guy next to him knows not a damned thing about him, so he can say anything – he’s a brain surgeon, a porn producer, a hedge fund manager, etc. – and he proceeds to do so, entertaining people with various entertaining but completely bogus tales. I liked that but haven’t yet had the courage to follow suit.
[quote=“Loretta”]My gf in the US used to ask everyone she met the same questions.“What do you do, and why do you do it? Do you like it? What’s the best bit?”
Nobody ever minded that at all.[/quote]
No, it’s not about ‘mind’. It’s just pointless. You have a certain amount of time, why waste it? She’d have simply got ‘get rid of the kid’ answers, not engagement from a lot of people. But that’s not necessarily bad from her point of view, I suppose - she filters someone she’s not going to connect with.
What I’m saying is, when we meet a new person, we project our deepest self, no matter what we think we’re doing. Why cover that with glib head flapping about nothing? Of course, it’s also not polite to ask a stranger their deepest thoughts, so why not simply focus on the present and gauge a person on their responses to that?
Because many folks love to be sucked into the vapid void of appearances over the real nitty gritty. Which, let’s face it, is more than it’s cracked up to be.
Hence the Weight.
[quote=“Loretta”]My gf in the US used to ask everyone she met the same questions.“What do you do, and why do you do it? Do you like it? What’s the best bit?”
Nobody ever minded that at all.[/quote]
If someone did ask “Why do you do it?” that to me would be more interesting. My problem is that in many conversations the answer to that question is taken for granted – it’s done for the money.
True. Reminds me of a novel I read many years ago, I forget by whom but I think it may have been Philip Roth or John Updike, in which the protagonist is seated on an airplane when his seatmate asks, “what do you do?” He then realizes the guy next to him knows not a damned thing about him, so he can say anything – he’s a brain surgeon, a porn producer, a hedge fund manager, etc. – and he proceeds to do so, entertaining people with various entertaining but completely bogus tales. I liked that but haven’t yet had the courage to follow suit.[/quote]
Sometimes I’m a language consultant.
Surely it is just an opener, an ice-breaker, and no harm is intended; you can say more or less what you like in answer. The implication is that the questioner wishes place you in their social/financial hierarchy, but the motive might not be so coarse. It could be that one’s hosts are just curious, mean no harm and do not appreciate that it can be seen as socially gauche by many Westerners to ask this kind of question. Often, I find that the persons asking are not especially interested in your answer, and sometimes do not wait for one, instead launching into an unsolicited presentation of what they do, or even what one of their friends does. At least they do not say “who are you?”, mostly.
In some places, not too far away, people have ‘business’ cards printed that say “I am Nobody/Somebody/The Walrus”. One rotter, who particularly disliked being asked personal questions, possibly because he wore an ill-fitting toupee, was notorious for dispensing rudely worded “business” cards at the Hash. They were worded something like this “I am here to enjoy myself. If you can help, great. If not, f off and stop bothering me.” The distasteful logo was a pair of hairy coconuts. Maybe this is going a bit too far, but it was effective, because I cannot remember what he did.
