Expat Marriage Issues

Is Taiwanese and Chinese tradition girls marrying into man family. They do control husband cash but usually women move in, to live with husband and in-laws. Women adjust to man & his primary family dynamics. Suddenly cause she married to Laowei this doesn’t count? He didn’t made her daughter Catholic, but she was born into Catholic family. And he doesn’t drag family to America, but rather running away from dangeours authoritarian regime to home. We talk about child safety and well being on the line here!

He already trying to understand her for whole marriage. Here is a key of problem, he adjusted too much in a marriage, lost his identity and therefore respect&love of wife. I have met
many Taiwanese girls with experience in China and most of them hate it. A mother leaving small daughter in bed alone going party and come back 4 am? It tells me this person is insane. Her feelings? She is nuts.

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You’re basing this 100% on the husband’s description of the marriage, their history, and their problems. Get the wife’s side and see how much things match up.

There’s a story you say, but we can also deduce another interpretation somewhere there : Your wife thought you were worth leaving her home country (i.e career, family, friend, culture), worth having her kids be educated a la German rather than how she got raised, worth learning a whole new language (german at that, props to you and her !), and worth staying at your side even when you confronted her parents. Now maybe you were charismatic enough to convince her to do all of that, but in no way is it expected nor should one feel entitled to that amount of effort towards one person, married or not, the same way you were not okay with living in Taiwan any further should you two marry each other. I mean i’m sure you both have sacrificed much but it’s pretty obvious who got the better end of the deal. Making it look like you just finessed your way into convincing her to stay with you when it’s probably just that she loved you enough to put up with all that isn’t very helpful IMO.

It honestly feels like OP is actually on the unluckier scenario where his wife just doesn’t want to give away her entire lifestyle (aside from the occasional hotpot and flying back to taiwan every other year) because it simply isn’t an easy thing to do. At the very least I give him credit for trying to convince her and taking at least this year to consider his options.

Let’s not kid ourselves here, OP has quoted many reasons besides the obvious political context going on. China was a “dangerous authoritarian regime” for a long time now, and Xi was a nutcase long before 2022. If that was the only argument, then i’m guessing moving to Taiwan would’ve been a compromise, but it seems like it isn’t on the table either.

As for your weird sociological analysis of how traditional Chinese/Taiwanese relationships work, the man’s dynamic still has that big common denominator of being of the same culture. So yeah, it’s reasonable for the woman to behave differently when it comes to preserving her culture and transferring it to her child. The catholic thing was probably mentioned as a hyperbole because OP hasn’t said anything about it, but even if it were the case, the family isn’t only the man.

Here is a key of your problem : you think that because your wife put up with your stuff that every sino/taiwanese woman should put up with their husband’s antics because “traditional chinese roles” demand it is so. Maybe she isn’t so much as nuts as someone who is clearly in distress because she knows OP will go on with his plan no matter what, that shit will go down with a non zero chance of her not having custody of her kid the majority of the year if she doesn’t go to Frogballs, Arkansas (or if she’s lucky, Vegas) with her only consolation being that she can sometimes go to Chinatown (provided it’s there), meet up some with some cousins every other 6 months and going to Taiwan every other year.

I’m not saying OP should cave in at all (with all honesty, I actually think every post OP has written is pretty level headed), but i’m just saying that maybe you guys shouldn’t just tell people to leave their wives or call them crazy just because they’re scared of major change. Everyone telling OP “you should get a divorce” are basically throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It is obvious and the default scenario that, should everything fail, a divorce will be in order. But I’m sure there are better solutions we can come up with than “leave her”, or “show her who’s boss”.

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Is not my wife put up with my stuff, is not about I am charestestic and get better deal out of marriage. I forced no one into marriage,said I will live in Germany. Wife wants marriage, cause she is happy, comfortable around me. I am always very transparent and upfront. is about we both understand traditional role of marriage and do accordingly. Is the way in-laws are, is the way my parents are. Is the way wife wants and it makes her feel happy & safe.
If my partner struggled with local language, we would move to Taiwan. Insist to live in einvoroment where one partner is so unhappy makes no sense to me. Opposite had happened, is wife who doesn’t want to go back to Taiwan now. Her parents are very possesive and I quess she loves freedom here. Her parents confronted me and not another way around. I don’t go around to other people faces to tell them how they should supposed to live their lifes. This is my life, and my partner said she wants to be part of it. Actually wife booked Portugal for whole summer long. We can work remotely. Totally her idea and I love it, who wants to spend days in boiling hot summer of Taiwan?

To round this up. This are typical problems many guys facing like OP, when they make wife center of life. They become increasingly unhappy and so does a women, who lost their natural feminine desires to be lead and support family. Life and marriage should not be so hard and OP and his family earn a bit more happiness in their lifes. Good luck