There once was a gaucho named Bruno
Who said, "Love is the one thing I do know!
"Goats are just frightful,
"But sheep are delightful,
“And llamas are numero uno!”
Mods rename this silly limericks please. 
The sexual life of the camel
Is stranger than everyone thinks
When he’s all alone in the desert
He’s been known to straddle the Sphinx
But the Sphinx’s celestial passage
Is clogged with sand from the Nile
Which explains the hump on the camel
And the Sphinx’s mysterious smile
Or maybe just silly poetry then
My friend asked if I wanted to join his religious sect where they worship a probiotic drink.
I said, ‘I’m not interested in Yakult.’
Edgar is a nut,
He has a rubber butt,
But every time he turns around,
It goes putt putt.
What cheese can you hide a horse in?
Mascarpone.
What does a Taiwanese call their pet lion?
Ryan.
Damn; and I thought I have had too much to be posting. But good on ya. Cheers and Happy CNY. I need to go visit the “Going to bed” thread
I once had an Aunt named Louise
Whose nether parts smelled quite like cheese
Her butt reeked of cheddar
That’d been through a shredder
And was known to attract swarms of bees
(I just made that up all by myself!)
There was a girl from Darjeeling
Who danced with most exquisite feeling
Not a sound was heard, not a murmur, not a word
Just fly buttons hitting the ceiling
[quote=“Nuit”]My friend asked if I wanted to join his religious sect where they worship a probiotic drink.
I said, ‘I’m not interested in Yakult.’[/quote]
I love this one, for some reason. 
[quote=“twonavels”][quote=“Nuit”]My friend asked if I wanted to join his religious sect where they worship a probiotic drink.
I said, ‘I’m not interested in Yakult.’[/quote]
I love this one, for some reason. [/quote]
Indeed, for some reason!
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.”
I put it here because I don’t think it needs a new thread.
Each of us receive daily “Forwards” from friends and family. I usually just delete with further ado. Yet this one struck my humor bone. I thought you might enjoy it also. Here it is:
John is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, ‘If I were any better, I would be twins!’
He was a natural motivator
If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, ‘I don’t get it!’
‘You can’t be a positive person all of the time.
How do you do it?’
He replied, ‘Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or…you can choose to be in a bad mood
I choose to be in a good mood.’
Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or…I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.
Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or…I can point out the positive side of life I choose the positive side of life.
‘Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,’ I protested.
Yes, it is,’ he said. ‘Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood.
You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live your life.’
I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business… We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.
Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower.
After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.
I saw him about six months after the accident.
When I asked him how he was, he replied, ‘If I were any better, I’d be twins…Wanna see my scars?’
I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place.
The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,’ he replied. ‘Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or…I could choose to die. I chose to live.’
‘Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?’ I asked…
He continued, ‘…the paramedics were great.
They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man’. I knew I needed to take action.’
‘What did you do?’ I asked.
‘Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,’ said John. ‘She asked if I was allergic to anything ‘Yes, I replied.’ The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Gravity’’
Over their laughter, I told them, ‘I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.’
OK! Now a silly (read stupid joke that my ex used to love) (wonder why I divorced her)
I termite walks into a a bar and asks, “Is the bartender here”.
OK! Now you know the rest of the story.