I don’t think you have to change anything, Tomas. Treat your stepdaughter as you would your own child and don’t let anything she says at this age get to you.
My mother remarried when I was nine and let me tell you, I was def not used to being disciplined:
“You’re not my real father!”
“I hate his long hair and ponytail!”
“Can you not walk me to school cuz I’m embarrassed by you?”
“Grampa and Gramma never made me do this and that.”
“But all my friends have Esprit clothes.”
“All my friends have housekeepers and drivers. Why don’t we have money like them?”
At least once a day I’d do something wrong in his eyes (of course I never thought I did anything wrong, but he would say I was rude to mom, or I didn’t wipe the table the right way, I slammed the door too hard, I was giving attitude, etc.) and he’d have a chat with me. By a “chat” it was more like he spoke for 30-45 minutes and I listened. He was teaching me to become a proper and righteous person. Of course, at 9, 10, 11 years old etc. I didn’t care. I just hated him. Like really bad. I wanted to run away. I have diaries dating back to grade four saying, “I hate him! Why did mom marry him! He’s mean!”
It wasn’t till after high school when I realized I had the best father in the world. He took out loans for my private schooling and plane tickets to travel to places. He bought me name brand clothes so I could fit in with my peers. He bought me all my cars. He paid for my university. He told my mom to tell me if I needed money to ask him, and not to go to my bio dad. But most importantly, he taught me manners and respect. He grew up in an air force household so he disciplined me like an army guy…no elbows on dinner table, no slurping, sitting on only 1/3 of your chair during meals, etc. He was extremely strict. I was also beaten raw many many times. He broke a few hair brushes, my sister’s toy shovel, etc.
But after every lecture, “chat,” and beating he would always say to me and my mother, “You can hate me all you want now, but I’m doing this for your own good. It hurts me more than you, trust me.”
And he was right. Today we have a fantastic relationship. No other man comes close to him in my eyes. People who don’t know we’re not related have told us we look alike and are so much alike in mannerisms. I take that as the best compliment.
[quote]From the ladies:
-What sorts of things did your father do and say that you loved?[/quote]
He disciplined me. He never got lazy. And he never got tired with the hair brush! He also forced me to play b-ball, take tennis lessons, and swimming lessons. I just wasn’t that into sports and I always felt bad cuz I thought he wanted me to be more into sports and I was disappointing him. Well, he got me off to a great start cuz now I appreciate an athletic physique and he’s very encouraging of my current personal physical achievements. After I went to the movies with my swimming instructor I think he gave up on forcing me to take swimming lessons.
[quote]
-What sorts of things do you wish your father hadn’t done?[/quote]
I wish he hadn’t been such a heavy smoker. I felt disappointed when I tried so hard to get him to quit after reading the “Ramona” books. She tried to get her dad to quit smoking too.
[quote]
-What sorts of things do you wish your father would have done, but never did? [/quote]
Lightened up a bit. He didn’t need to always be the disciplinarian. He could have smiled more when I was in my teens. Now he’s all smiles when we’re together. I guess he’s making up for lost times. And I wished he cut his hair back then. It was very awkward for me to have such a young father when all my friends’ dads rolled up to school in their fancy cars and business suits. But oh well, now I think back, my dad was cool. He would wait a block away from school after school and take me fishing. None of my friends’ dads ever had the time to take them fishing. Their amahs and drivers were their parents.
(Just so people are clear, this post is a serious one and not my usual goofy online posts.)