A few days ago, one of my female friends said to me: “Ohhh! It is so cold outside. Now would be a good time to find a boyfriend. I don’t really need one in the summer, but in the winter, it is nice to have someone warm to sleep with.”
I think Miaka would agree, with all of her whining about not being able to find a handsome, hairy, muscular guy.
Now, this woman was just joking, but it got me thinking about some things I’ve heard over the years here. Read on.
A friend’s ex-girlfriend: “It’s time to get married. I’ve got to go and find some rich guys to choose from. After all, I’m highly qualified.” This woman is totally gorgeous, smart, and successful. My friend is brilliant, but not interested in money. He wished her well and she later found her rich guy, though apparently he too was no good in bed.
Not sure if this is Taiwanese woman stuff (all of these women are Taiwanese), or if this is women of all ages and nationalities stuff. I’m not criticizing. I just find their pragmatism interesting. I’m a big romantic when it comes to relationships, though I’ve learned a few things (and relearned them, and relearned them…) about not letting romance and sex get in the way of a realistic assessement of whether or not a relationship is healthy.
Do you think women are more pragmatic than men about their romantic relationships? What do you think about the way Taiwanese women approach relationships versus the way a woman from the US, the UK, etc., approach relationships?
[quote]A few days ago, one of my female friends said to me: “Ohhh! It is so cold outside. Now would be a good time to find a boyfriend. I don’t really need one in the summer, but in the winter, it is nice to have someone warm to sleep with.”
[/quote]
Wow, I said exactly the same thing to a friend this weekend. This time of year is particularly dangerous for me…I always find a boyfriend in November, and then we break up around March. It’s been like that for the last four years, but this year I decided to play it smart…I just bought an extra blanket at a market for NT$100.
Sounds like Taiwanese women are no different from American women, or probably any other women in the world. Studies and surveys have shown that men, on the whole, go overwhelmingly for the visual aspect as the number one factor when choosing a mate - we’re biologically programmed to chase after beauty. Similar studies have shown the dramatically different reactions when the same man went into a room and chatted with several women, twice. He acted the same both times, but he altered one crucial bit of information: the first time he said he was a doctor, the second time a truck driver. Nearly all the women wanted to go out with him the first time. Nearly all the women rejected him the second time. Women are biologically programmed to look for primarily security in a mate, above all other factors - it can be financial security or brute strength (big, hairy, muscular macho dude), that’s what women want. Makes sense from an evolutionary psychology perspective.
mod lang, btw, who is that gorgeous bombshell in your photo with the no panties look serving drinks? is that bar in Taipei or Tainan. And can i get in?
[quote=“Tomas”]
One of my ex-girlfriends, a few months after we broke up, told me that she was in love again. Her comments: “I didn’t really like him at first. He’s not attractive and I later found out that he’s no good in bed, but he just tried so hard. I also knew he’d never dump me like you did. So I decided to fall in love with him.” [/quote]
How do you decide to fall in and out of love? that is way too callous sounding for me.
but this, he tried so hard kinda thing although ive heard it elsewhere, it seems more common here (whereas in other places it would be seen as desperate ergo unattractive)
Tomas, you bastard!!
How many women have you ruined!! After they’ve experienced the unique pleasures of the Tomo-shag (patent pending) those poor girls are ruined for life. Us mere mortals have no chance.
The moral of the story is PRACTICE does MAKE PERFECT
All those hours on the “doll” did pay off!
[quote=“mod lang”]Sounds like Taiwanese women are no different from American women, or probably any other women in the world. Studies and surveys have shown that men, on the whole, go overwhelmingly for the visual aspect as the number one factor when choosing a mate - we’re biologically programmed to chase after beauty. …
Women are biologically programmed to look for primarily security in a mate, above all other factors - it can be financial security or brute strength (big, hairy, muscular macho dude), that’s what women want. Makes sense from an evolutionary psychology perspective.[/quote]
Some of your quote, the part that remains rest was edited I have to agree, that biologically women tend to look for security, but I think that this is less true today than in the past. I know a number of women who are the provider… both of the physical security (money, house, car, job etc…) as well as the emotional security( mental security, stability etc)…
Tomas’s example however, seems to me to be more of an Asian practical thing… I sure don’t know many of my western girlfriends who think similar thoughts. I think western women still tend to be more romantic-less pragmatic- One example is that while all women will admit that they do not like the thought of being the second or third gal in a guy’s life, in Asia, it is still more of an excepted practice that the husband/SO will cheat, so the wife/girlfriend needs to have other means of making herself happy/secure… be it money, having the male heir, the huge amount of plastic surgery seen by older women in areas like Korea in order to “make themselves look young,…”
Most girls I know back in the states may be practical when they ultimately determine if the guy is the marrying kind. ( can he provide for me, will he be a good father etc.)… the romance gets them to that spot first.
[i]Tomas wrote: This woman is one of the most stunningly gorgeous Taiwanese women you’ll ever meet, and a graduate of a top 10 school (okay, I know that doesn’t mean much). Guys hit on her constantly.
and
It’s time to get married. I’ve got to go and find some rich guys to choose from. After all, I’m highly qualified[/i]
Yes I would agree with you. I find many European or Taiwanese girls are interested in your resume as well as your more aesthetic characteristics. I’m a graduate of a school that has included George Soros, Pierre Trudeau, JFK, Mick Jagger, HM Queen Margrethe of Denmark, Moshe Sharett, Clement Atlee, and Cherie Booth among its list of noted students. However, when it comes to chasing girls(should use past tense, I am a settled man) I prefer the down to earth, very traditional, or working class girls here. If a girl starts talking about Louis Vuitton or makes such crass statements as mentioned above, I would grab a gin and tonic and move to the next table. Or I would satisfy her needs by being a member of the “back entry” gentry. eheheheheh In other words, I find this kind of pragmatism TO BE A VERY BIG TURNOFF :mrgreen: However, I would be careful and not stereotype this trait as a “Taiwanese” trait. Girls are girls. Boys are boys. And many are in between. Greedy materialistic people and ignorant trend followers are found everywhere - whethers its Taipei, Toronto, or Timbuktu.
Mod lang wrote Studies and surveys have shown that men, on the whole, go overwhelmingly for the visual aspect as the number one factor when choosing a mate - we’re biologically programmed to chase after beauty. Similar studies have shown the dramatically different reactions when the same man went into a room and chatted with several women, twice. He acted the same both times, but he altered one crucial bit of information: the first time he said he was a doctor, the second time a truck driver. Nearly all the women wanted to go out with him the first time. Nearly all the women rejected him the second time.
You’ve just articulated why I view the institution of marriage with such skepticism. For men, its about gaining a scooby snack. For women - its about status and security. If you have found your soulmate - by all means take the plunge. But if you have any doubts about your girl’s intentions, the old phrase about “why buy the cow if the milk is free” is accurate. As my friend’s father said when he lost millions in a divorce, "its cheaper to have a girl for every day of the week, than to get married. I’m not anti-marriage. In fact, I am monogomous and in a long term relationship. But when some girls think like the above-captioned paragraph, they deserve to be exploited.
Idle chat bores me to death, so I like to have fun when I smell a “valley girl.” If she asks me what I do, I tell her in solemn seriousness that I am the “Vidal Sassoon” of pussy barbers.
[quote=“twonavels”][quote]A few days ago, one of my female friends said to me: “Ohhh! It is so cold outside. Now would be a good time to find a boyfriend. I don’t really need one in the summer, but in the winter, it is nice to have someone warm to sleep with.”
[/quote]
Wow, I said exactly the same thing to a friend this weekend. This time of year is particularly dangerous for me…I always find a boyfriend in November, and then we break up around March. It’s been like that for the last four years, but this year I decided to play it smart…I just bought an extra blanket at a market for NT$100.[/quote]
Tomas, it depends if she was being serious or facetious. I know I can joke about something like that, but I wouldn’t get into a relationship just to keep my toes warm. One of my closest friends from high school and college was in business pre-law and joked that her man had to make more money than she because she didn’t want to have to take care of any men. I am pretty sure she was only being funny. We do that sometimes.
Maybe you wouldn’t get into a relationship for some small reason like that but some women do. And, if they do my impression is that they are less than honest about their intentions and the joke is sometimes their way of testing others values.
And the jokes like the one your friend made are all too often backed up by behaviour. Would it be rude to ask if that woman ever did marry a guy with a better income than hers? Feel free to ignore my question … I may just be venting.
I think Tomas’s question is pretty relevant, and as we all know, I’ll be the judge of whether Tomas is being a dick or not. It is a little fucked up to hear lines like, “I know he is too fat/poor/whatever, but I know he’ll never cheat on me, so I decided to fall in love with him.” I’ve heard that a lot here, and it is pretty sad. Then there’s my favorite, “You’re not an English teacher, that’s good.”
Speaking of pragmatism, have any other longtimers ever come to the realization that some of their Taiwanese acquaintances were actually working as prostitutes or hostesses when they “emigrated” or “studied” in a foreign country?
I haven’t met any of those but I have met a Taiwanese girl who was living with a Korean boyfriend/classmate in Sydney while engaged to be married to a Taiwanese guy. The fiance was in Taipei, working himself into the ground, saving money as hard as he could, waiting for her to finish her “studies” so he would be permitted to marry the woman.
When she finally left Oz and came back to Taiwan, the Korean boyfriend followed and went straight to the Taiwanese fiance and explained the situation, in detail!!
In the end, the Korean bloke was sent packing. The Taiwanese couple married, and the last time I saw that woman she was happy, chubby and chasing her daughter around a coffee shop while chatting to girlfriends. It was exactly the ending she wanted.
In other words, I find this kind of pragmatism TO BE A VERY BIG TURNOFF :mrgreen: However, I would be careful and not stereotype this trait as a “Taiwanese” trait. Girls are girls. Boys are boys. And many are in between. Greedy materialistic people and ignorant trend followers are found everywhere - whethers its Taipei, Toronto, or Timbuktu.