Fickle or Fastidious?

I’ve noticed a recurrent pattern in my dating/ romantic life in the last couple of years. And it plays out like this…

I meet a girl at a pub/club/work or through mutual friends (in a less hectic environment). Generally they’ve all been warm, friendly, personable and easy-going. We subsequently meet up for dinner/one of many assorted out-and-about activities/a night at the pub/club.

Natural human chemistry comes into play, and we head home for an enjoyable romp in the sack. The angel on my left says “easy fella, no need to rush things”, the the devil retorts “go on bad boy, ya only live once”.

The next day I find it difficult to establish much of an attraction for the girl, calculating all the reasons why she isn’t suitable for me, and generally cool it down over the next few days, until communication ceases.

I find it hard to condone my behavior, knowing that I may have hurt the girl, because of my whimsical desireous (sp) nature on the night. In fact I’ve stopped seeing girls, for the very reason above.

What’s up with me? Emotionally immature? Emotionally insecure? Asking for too much? Rushing things? I have had three true loves - stable, loving, committed, long-term realationships. I believe the glue that cemented these relationships was that they were born of genuine friendships (friends first, lovers later).

You advice and suggestions please…

Post-traumatic disorder. :smiling_imp:

OK seriously, I would say low self-esteem on your part, something along the lines of:

“If she is willing to jump in the sack with me, then she’s not good enough for me”.

Or, perhaps you are too obsessed with perfection.

Or, perhaps you have not found someone you love, if that’s important for you.

Try to read your own post one sentence at a time starting from the bottom up.

Good luck.

i think i can offer some advice about this. a friend of mine is similar to you. he would meet a girl, go on dates, get to know them then screw them and thats it. no more contact. sometimes he would even leave right after the sex. in discussing these events we concluded it was like climbing a mountain. once youve climbed that mountain once, no need to climb it again. its all about the thrill of the hunt, adrenaline rush.
from my own experience i notice some of the thrill part of it all. nothing quite like the feelings of excitment, wondering whats going to happen. building it up in your mind of whats going to happen, all the scenarios going through your mind. then when it happens, what more do you have to look forward to. the next time, although its good, isnt as exciting.
seems to me you are looking for the thrill of it all. it appears as though you are not lacking in the women department, so since there are lots of options available it makes settling down seem crazy.
there is nothing wrong with you. besides think about when you are older or married you wont have the same options available. might as well make the most of it now.

If what troy_westpoint is right about you Dirt Merchant, then your problem is maybe not that you act this way, but that you are concerned you could hurt someone.

In that case, did you consider just targetting women who are also just looking for a romp? It is not that all of them are strictly against that idea. Some seem to be even happy to NOT have to put up with a boyfriend/relation after just having a bit of fun.