This post is about meeting the girlfriend’s parents. I am going to Taiwan for Chinese New Year 2011 to see my girlfriend (I have been with her for a year now - 14 months long distance relationship) and meet her parents for the first time. I already asked my girlfriend about what gifts I should offer to them so I should be ok for that. However, my concerns are more about “how does this kind of meeting usually look like ?” and things I should know about (eg: eat everything they offer you otherwise they will think I am not a happy “guest”, etc.).
I believe, quite a few of you have gone this road and I was wondering if there are any tips, or things I should absolutely be aware of in order to have a smooth “first time meeting with their parents” ?
If they don’t speak English, you will be parked in front of the TV and forced to eat constantly. Even if you could speak Chinese, it won’t matter because if they are from Jinmen, they will speak Taiwanese all the time. Even if you spoke Taiwanese, it won’t matter unless you are seriously interested in gardening. Be prepared for an excruciatingly boring time. It will be tough for them too, because they won’t know what to do with you.
One think you could do is learn to play Mahjong well before you arrive. That will give at least something to do that doesn’t presume you can speak the language.
Try everything. Don’t be picky about leftovers the next day. Steel yourself for congee for breakfast.
Do not drink Kaoliang unless you can tolerate really strong liquor.
In general, try to relax as much as possible. Taiwanese are really friendly and informal as long as they think you aren’t looking down on them etc. The sooner you relax, the faster they can.
As for the setting, you will be trapped in their house, mainly in the living room, which will have a couch and a table and a big TV.
And don’t! If you’re serious about this filly, you’ll need to make that known to the parents. The correct way is to stand up during the CNY eve hotpot, expose your genitals and shout "Maaaa! Baaaa! Nimen kan! NIMEN KAN! as loudly as you can.
This will show them that you a) mean business and b) possess the wherewithal to provide grandchildren. I know, it sounds a bit weird, but it really is the way things are done here, especially among the more traditional people.
[quote=“sandman”]And don’t! If you’re serious about this filly, you’ll need to make that known to the parents. The correct way is to stand up during the CNY eve hotpot, expose your genitals and shout "Maaaa! Baaaa! Nimen kan! NIMEN KAN! as loudly as you can.
This will show them that you a) mean business and b) possess the wherewithal to provide grandchildren. I know, it sounds a bit weird, but it really is the way things are done here, especially among the more traditional people.[/quote]
How could I have forgotten the crucial ritual?
Anyway, you’re both from Scotland, so this custom should be be very similar to ones you no doubt see (saw) there every day.
[quote=“divea”]Isn’t this the time to pull out THAT classic post??? Here it is…
and guys I searched frantically okay, so first time readers show me your gratitude![/quote]
:bravo:
Best post I’ve read in Forumosa since I joined.
I always thought I was missing out because I never experienced Chinese New Year with a Chinese family (meaning, I eat from the 7-11 by myself in rainy, deserted Taipei)… now I know better.
No, you have escaped a fate worse than death. However, I don’t see why all the foreign husbands put up with it. Taiwanese guys don’t. They drive their wife home on the second day of the first lunar month. They immediately split to go hang out with their buddies and gamble. They come back for dinner. They go back out again to drink. The next morning they leave. From what I’ve seen, most don’t actually spend more than 3 hours at their wife’s place if they can help it.
[quote=“Feiren”]If they don’t speak English, you will be parked in front of the TV and forced to eat constantly. Even if you could speak Chinese, it won’t matter because if they are from Jinmen, they will speak Taiwanese all the time. Even if you spoke Taiwanese, it won’t matter unless you are seriously interested in gardening. Be prepared for an excruciatingly boring time. It will be tough for them too, because they won’t know what to do with you.
[/quote]
That’s me warned ! I got a new camera so I might play with it taking pictures of CNY. I will take pictures of my girlfriend.
I started playing on my phone. Quite interesting but I won’t be a serious player for her dad …
I will.
Wise advice. I will stay away from it.
Wise advice too ! Alright, I will try to be as relax as I can be.
With soldiers all around the island… I am really trapped !
Thanks
:roflmao:
[quote=“divea”]Isn’t this the time to pull out THAT classic post??? Here it is…
and guys I searched frantically okay, so first time readers show me your gratitude![/quote]
Divea,
This post is a must read ! That’s crazy how can one learn so much about CNY and what to expect.
We did CNY back in Scotland before. So this time, I go for the full experience !
It’s good advice to try a little of all the food but you don’t need to finish off everything on your plate (or bowl). Leave a bit at the end when you’ve already overstuffed yourself or someone will try to ply more on you thinking that the empty bowl means you are still hungry. of course ma will insist you eat more even with food left on the plate and of course look terribly offended when you finally have to refuse. This horrible slight against her will be forgotten in two seconds.
My mom was surprised to see me. I was a month early. She was pretty out of it. Dad had had a few. He was passing cigars out. They put me in an incubator. That was a nice place.
Seriously - be on your best behavior, be respectful and bear the less desirable bits of it.
Bring exotic gifts, preferably edible, you will not be expected to hand out red envelopes, but prepare a few for the kids just in case.
If you are allowed to stay overnight in the house, you are under consideration as son in law material, and that’s a good sign, if you are serious about it. (And if you weren’t you would not go anyways, I think). If you want some private time with the GF, go to a motel.
On that note, and a bit more seriously, remember that the Lunar New Year is their equivalent of Christmas and is very important to them just as Christmas is important to most people in the UK. As someone who did not grow up with the Lunar New Year, it’s hard for me to get into the holiday spirit the way Taiwanese people do. But I can see that they are in the holiday mode and it is very important to them, so I try to cooperate in as good spirits as possible. Your SO will be bummed out if you complain or otherwise make a nuisance of yourself at this time of year. This will be more of an issue on your second or tenth Lunar New Year though if things get that far.
People are under a lot of pressure before the Lunar New Year to come with all the cash that is required, there can be quite a bit of drinking ad gambling, family conflict, and people who are depressed because of the holidays (be especially sensitive about sibling who have less money and couldn’t bring red envelopes etc–they will be feeling like crap.) So if you see some weird stuff, just ignore it.
My personal experience with Taiwanese families is that they are all incredibly dysfunctional and prone to enormous drama since everyone takes the business of family so desperately seriously. On the positive side, they are usually warm and inclusive. Don’t worry about any breaches of etiquette or making any cultural mistakes. You might, but they are all excused because you are a foreigner and don’t know. Plus the Taiwanese are not at all uptight (unlike the Japanese). The only event you have to be careful at is a funeral.
Duke’s post is a classic alright. The best thing about CNY is enjoying it off island like other Taiwanese who are smart. But if you can’t do that or have to do the obligatory try to make it short or less boring in whatever way you can. Don’t travel down south or up to a popular hot spring spot, it seems every mountain has more cars on it than the highway!
Lots of Taiwanese are not into CNY either.
(interesting to read about Taipei being quite busy during CNY now, 10 years ago it would be a literal ghost town)
Yes, Taipei no longer closes down at Lunar New Year (must we call it Chinese New Year when the Vietnamese, Taiwanese, Tibetans, and Mongolians all have holidays at this time). Although I think it’s been more like 15 or 20 years since things really shut down. Now the city just seems empty since so many people have left.
If you are in Taipei, try to find a bar where Taiwanese people hang out on the Lunar New Year. Bowbwundaye will probably be open. I think Jason at Artist Village said they would be open. Taiwanese who have not got home for one reason or another will be out in force and in the mood to talk and party. I’ve had some really memorable Lunar New Year’s Eves in Taipei.
Yes, there’s always the possibility of that after the genital-exposure thing. Lot of latent homosexuality here. The trick is to be firm (ooh-er, matron!) but polite.
Yes, there’s always the possibility of that after the genital-exposure thing. Lot of latent homosexuality here. The trick is to be firm (ooh-er, matron!) but polite.[/quote]
Must be why my mother-in-law dotes on me.
