Of late, I’ve been losing my temper more and more frequently and easily. Generally only with people I perceive to have wrong done me - like the assclown who saw me waiting for a taxi and walked 20 meters to my left and flagged the first taxi to pass. He saw me waiting, he knew I was waiting, and he decided to ‘cut the line’. As the taxi passed me I yelled out at the bastard - the taxi driver stopped and I nearly ripped the rat’s head off through the window. He definitely got an earful.
I cussed out three young basketball punks a couple weeks back, who passed me on the sidewalk and tittered ‘laowai’ as I passed. I turned on them and told them they were cu*ts.
I hold my temper down pretty well, but it’s been a long, hot summer and I seem to strip my thread more easily these days - could three years in Taiwan + five in China finally be doing my head in?
I keep on saying I’ll leave China, then stay another year. This year though I have a firm financial goal, and I’m halfway there, with 10 months to go. I think I might need a time out from China and/or Asia. I rarely lost my temper in South Africa, where I spent the first 20-odd years of my life, and was doing quite well in Taiwan, although I did have ‘Taiwan Days’ -where I was bleak and blue. Seems they’re popping up more frequently here in China. And ‘China Day’ is 10 times rougher than a bad day in the 'Wan.
I don’t want to lose it and bash somebody’s head in - the jail time aint worth it.
What do you do to help yourself de-stress? For me it would be a month with family and friends in South Africa right about now (not an option though). I have to find an on-the-spot solution.
Imagine that the offending person is, in fact, your own mother. Then it turns from “You F(*&^MORON!” to “sheesh, Mom, not again!”. Imagine that you are the Bodhisattva Guanyin. How would you respond?
I went through a similar thing this time last year, same hot summer, financial worries (in my case), little things winding me up until I exploded pretty publicly. I remember walking down the street feeling all tense in my shoulders, passing people who were minding their own business or whatever and thinking “There’s only three of them and I could fuck each one of them up RIGHT NOW”. Even though I knew I never would actually do that, I had no idea I could get so aggressive.
What worked for me was keeping on with my exercise, getting my sleep patterns under control and rediscovering reading. Dunno if it would work for other people though.
BB, sounds like you’re not sleeping well. Not enough sleep has a cumulative effect … of hair trigger temper, angry outbursts, obsessing about revenge, etc. Not healthy. Launches all kinds of stress cytokines. If you must, try one of the new “hypnotic” sleep aids that lack hangovers, warm milk with honey before bed, etc.
I’ve had a sleep problem for a long time, and one of the most effective ways of sorting it out is exercise, and lots of it. Minimal booze. Lots of reading and mind exercise (writng, puzzles, studying, etc.).
I’ve been reading into Buddhism and mindfulness/meditation. Actually I’m currently reading “Mindfulness in plain English” by Bhante Gunaratana.
In some ways I’m a lot more patient than I was when I arrived in 2003, and in others I some to have run out of time for some of the antics that go on here. But I am ‘mindful’ of my actions and behaviour and that’s where it’s at, methinks.
[quote]I’m no expert, but I have the feeling that losing your temper in such a way in South Africa could lead to much more serious reperscussions.
Just a thought.[/quote]
I’ve often thought that when I get wound up. In SA there are plenty of big, aggressive guys who would snap me in half. And plenty of guys with guns. That’s why people DON’T jump queues in SA or drive like maniacs (bar the taxi drivers and pretty much everybody avoids confrontation with them). That said there are plenty of diminutive looking Chinese dudes that can hand out a kicking if they so choose - seen it before: a 55kg dude dropping a burly 90kg+ guy over some parking issue.
You know what to do, Baas. 1. Stay off the sauce. 2. Exercise more (gets the nasties out your system) and 3. Move somewhere else! China will get you down. Having a go at young lads calling you Lao Wai is frankly out of order. And more importantly, out of character. It’s a sign you’re sick to the back teeth of things. I’ve done that and worse so I am certainly not pointing fingers…I just recognize the signs.
“Get on yer bike” in the short and long term. Short term, cycle (without being hit by cars and ruining your looks) and long term make a solid plan to move somewhere you prefer. China has its good points but it isn’t Taiwan. Blue days in Taiwan don’t usually involve rage (unless one is driving) whereas China Blue Days remind me of Michael Douglas in Falling Down.
Like I said, I have good days and bad days. Today was a good day, I plan on tomorrow being a good day too.
I’m visiting Taiwan in a couple of weeks for another ‘rekkie’ (reconnaissance mission). But I’m bound by contract (and my personal financial goal) to stay on in Xiamen for another 10 months. I will not leave a defeated man!
It’s more about getting my internal shit right, rather than looking externally and passing the buck. That said, China can be an extreme test of one’s endurability and patience - even in Xiamen, where we live.
Thanks for the words, jamski. See you in the village!
I’m not trying to be mean or cheeky. I recognize myself in your post. Although I don’t express my unhappiness in the same way, deep down it’s the same thing. Nothing helped until I adjusted my attitude. I was where I was because I chose to be there, nobody forced me to come, nobody forced me to stay. Realizing and embracing that resulted in also choosing to be ok with staying (or I would have left).
You have made a choice to stay because of your financial goal. That’s pure freedom. And there’s potential in there to be very happy with your choice.
Once you’re there, the exact same behavior doesn’t affect you as badly. Or to be exact, you don’t react to it as badly.
Not to be confused with the seemingly similar but not effective practices of wearing pink glasses or sticking one’s head in the sand
Thanks TN. That’s what I aim for, but I am a bit ground down now.
Have taken a break from the sauce (2 weeks no booze) - that helps a lot, sleeping better since I’m back to work and have more regular hours, and now that the heat’s dropping off a bit, I’m doing more exercise.
I did hit a trough the other day, but I’m on the up. Excited about my Taiwan Meander coming up soon!
Imagine that you are the Bodhisattva Guanyin. How would you respond?
