For all the dads with sons

Taiwan Parenting
21

[quote=“touduke”]S-man, ha you remember that one.
I think your time-out advice is very good, indeed I need it badly sometimes and I spend too much time alone with my son. Not good for him, not good for me. It always helps to have other people involved.[/quote]

The poem is lovely (not for the poetry, but for the truth in it).

And the advice about giving yourself a time-out is a good one. I, too, have a short temper, and I sometimes tell my sons that Mommy needs a 5-minute timeout, and then I go take a few deep breaths and remind myself that they really are only children and will persist in acting like it. :slight_smile: I will sometimes do something to try to lighten the mood as well, especially if we’re all crabby with each other. Sometimes we have a day “do-over”–I tell them that we’re all grumpy and obviously woke up on the wrong side of the bed, and we each need to go lay down for a few minutes,then get up and start the day over on the right foot. They think it’s the silliest thing, and it puts us all in better moods for dealing with each other.

I spend a lot of time on my own with my boys because my husband travels frequently, and I know it’s easy to get impatient. But for me, one of the most enlightening experiences was when I started seeing some of my own negative behaviors appear in my older son (namely, impatience). It was a wake-up call to endeavor to be more patient, and to model good, healthy ways of dealing with anger for him.

Parenting is never easy!

22

[quote=“AmoyMama”]I spend a lot of time on my own with my boys because my husband travels frequently, and I know it’s easy to get impatient. But for me, one of the enlightening experiences was when I started seeing some of my own negative behaviors appear in my older son (namely, impatience). It was a wake-up call to endeavor to be more patient, and to model good, healthy ways of dealing with anger for him.

Parenting is never easy![/quote]
Ditto. I am seeing my daughter get restless like me, and always wanting change. Great Post!

23

I think that poem is pretty true in meaning and something that I have tried to follow,
even before reading it.
But here is something I wrote around August last year after a particularly hard and trying day,
both outside and at home.

My Boy is Just Like Me. Should I be Proud… Saturday, 21 August 2010 at 13:11

People are always telling me how much my boy and I look alike despite him being half Taiwanese. Actually I see his mum and his Taiwanese grandpa in him. I am still expecting the day when the “ex” tells me that he isn’t really mine, and maybe due to her history, it may be true, but how can you call a baby, a child, your boy not yours after you have looked after him yourself as a single dad ever since his mum ran off when he was only 13 months old…

You try and raise your kid well, you do the best you can in the given situation. In fact, all you do is for him, make so many sacrifices. Well that is my job, I am his father. You do see so much of yourself in your boy. But why does it seem like all your negative points seem to show up, while all the things you try to teach him to look after himself, he refuses to do?

Simple things like, brushing your teeth, eating breakfast and getting dressed, things you have done for him when little, taught him how to do once getting bigger and then expecting him to be able to do as he grows, things he should be able to do for himself to look after himself seem to be the hardest things for him to follow.

But then, you say a swear word and next thing it is part of his vocabulary. Being hard to turn the other cheek to the constant inconsiderate people who try to drive through red lights and almost hit us, or who will boldly try to cut the line for the train and bus, my boy comes home from school to tell me similar stories of how he similarly did not turn his cheek to someone giving him a hard time at school, be it a student or a teacher. Sure I need to teach him to stand up for himself and not to get pushed around, but it is so hard for a kid to know when to push and when to walk away.

So while you try your best to be a good parent, it just seems that they pick up your negative behaviours more than the positive you try to teach them. Then they try and do that same behaviour back on you.

I guess I must just be a bad father…

Actually my boy is really quite a good boy. He gets into a bit of strife every now and again, he tries to test me, but sometimes he does the most thoughtful and caring things for me… I love my little man…

24

[quote=“TaipeiSean”]I think that poem is pretty true in meaning and something that I have tried to follow,
even before reading it.
But here is something I wrote around August last year after a particularly hard and trying day,
both outside and at home.

My Boy is Just Like Me. Should I be Proud… Saturday, 21 August 2010 at 13:11

People are always telling me how much my boy and I look alike despite him being half Taiwanese. Actually I see his mum and his Taiwanese grandpa in him. I am still expecting the day when the “ex” tells me that he isn’t really mine, and maybe due to her history, it may be true, but how can you call a baby, a child, your boy not yours after you have looked after him yourself as a single dad ever since his mum ran off when he was only 13 months old…

You try and raise your kid well, you do the best you can in the given situation. In fact, all you do is for him, make so many sacrifices. Well that is my job, I am his father. You do see so much of yourself in your boy. But why does it seem like all your negative points seem to show up, while all the things you try to teach him to look after himself, he refuses to do?

Simple things like, brushing your teeth, eating breakfast and getting dressed, things you have done for him when little, taught him how to do once getting bigger and then expecting him to be able to do as he grows, things he should be able to do for himself to look after himself seem to be the hardest things for him to follow.

But then, you say a swear word and next thing it is part of his vocabulary. Being hard to turn the other cheek to the constant inconsiderate people who try to drive through red lights and almost hit us, or who will boldly try to cut the line for the train and bus, my boy comes home from school to tell me similar stories of how he similarly did not turn his cheek to someone giving him a hard time at school, be it a student or a teacher. Sure I need to teach him to stand up for himself and not to get pushed around, but it is so hard for a kid to know when to push and when to walk away.

So while you try your best to be a good parent, it just seems that they pick up your negative behaviours more than the positive you try to teach them. Then they try and do that same behaviour back on you.

I guess I must just be a bad father…

Actually my boy is really quite a good boy. He gets into a bit of strife every now and again, he tries to test me, but sometimes he does the most thoughtful and caring things for me… I love my little man…[/quote]

You are doing a great job there, mate.