Foreign Language Anxiety

Language Learning Chinese
1

Hi guys,

this is my first post on Forumosa so please be kind … :slight_smile:

I was born and raised in Taiwan until 17 year old, and then came to Australia for tertiary education. Now I have graduated, started working, and been living here a little over 8 years.

I consider myself a very active learner in terms of pursuing fluency in english. Ever since I was in uni, I have done heaps of reading, dictionary digging, and trying to build up my vocabularies. Even now, as a 9-5 – I still try to keep up reading as long as i have spare time from work. Furthermore, I hire an English tutor to study with me once a week, and enrolled into a couple accent reduction courses.
To maintain an English only environment – I haven’t had a chinese speaking friend for years (4 years to be precise as the last one left the country); most of my best friends are native English speakers, so is my housemate, and my girlfriend. As far as I am concerned, the only person I can speak chinese with is my mother, who still lives in Taiwan and I talk to her around 1-2 hours per week.

However, I find myself still struggle and am not able to fit in. My pronunciation is still terrible (i know i talk fast, and mumble when i get nervous) I often find myself sounding like an idiot, and always sacred of talking to strangers, especially in a group.

Worse, I believe I have developed foreign language anxiety and matched all the symptoms as Rebecca Oxford suggested: scribd.com/doc/81707483/Anxi … ner-Oxford

Such as: 2nd stage culture shock, identity crisis, damaged self-esteem, social anxiety, and depression, etc…

I think one of the main causes is due to my past traumatic job hunting experience when I just graduated. More to that, having to repeat myself from time to time does bother me, and it gets increasingly more frustrating and has seriously damaged my confidence. With low self-esteem , I tend to mumble more and lower my voice and of course it makes harder for others to understand me – cycle repeats.

If you are still here with me, thank you very much for your patience and it is very much appreciated. I was wondering if any of you have come across similar experiences even if its in learning chinese; and what did you do to break through the awkwardness?

Once again, thank you very much for reading :slight_smile:

2

This may sound obvious, but it may bear mentioning. Try taking time and finding opportunities to simply listen to people speak as much as possible, without even worrying about speaking. You will pick up the rhythms and when you really do have something to say, it’ll be more natural and not forced.

3

reading is good and all, and you mastered great English writing skills, but for the things you are struggling with, perhaps watching more TV could help. I don’t know if there are a lot of Australian sitcoms, judging by the amount of Australian actors in the US, I’m guessing there should. Try watching and repeat the lines you find funny or cool.

Australian accent isn’t easy to learn to begin with. I’ve tried mimicking lines from the Australian master chef, and at least i finally can say the Australian “no”.

4

Well done: your English is great. But you’re making the mistake that your accomplishments should be a source of self-esteem when they are really just a result of a bunch of things that happened. If your self-worth is tied up with being able to speak a difficult foreign language, you’ll never be as ‘good’ as the people who had a 17year head start. Chances are, you’ll never sound like a native speaker, but so what? Do you want to communicate or do you want to be invisible?

Language learning, particularly English learning is sold to you as as way forward, economically and socially. ‘Sold’, being the key word. A lot of people made money out of creating an ideal future self for you, during your life. Now you’re ‘there’ and it doesn’t seem as fun as you thought it would be. It’s just more stuff.

That kind of ‘intercultural communication’ stuff, Oxford and those people … That’s also an industry, believe it or not. I’m not negating your experience, but well, If you look for diseases, you’ll find the symptoms.

Forget the classes and accent reduction programs. I can almost guarantee they are stupid, and what is more pernicious, they keep you in a state of ‘not finished’ and ‘not good enough’. There will always be someone to pay, if we tell ourselves we aren’t very good. Watch more movies. Read more books. It’ll come. The commonly used term ‘active learner’, in EFL, makes me cringe. The ‘active learner’ fits nicely into the crappy Communicative Language Teaching paradigm, and fits into the western individualism of 'if you work hard, by yourself, you will get what you want. You won’t, though, because language is symbiotic and by memorising stuff, trying to anticipate language scenarios that you may encounter through private study, is just folly.

Make Chinese-speaking friends! No one deserves to lose part of themselves because of some misguided self-improvement program.

I lived in Taiwan for eight years and realised I’d never ‘fit’ in because people just don’t really accept foreigners as being anything but outsiders, however well you get on with people. And you know, it doesn’t matter. I speak Chinese. It’s not perfect, in fact it’s pretty awful, but there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with it. It works, most of the time. And also, I don’t care about that, at all. I’m a little bit older than you and I lack confidence in some areas, but not many, to be honest. I deserve to be listened to, even if people have to wait for me to remember my words, and so do you. If some idiot is trying to make you feel small because you can’t do something as well as them, fuck 'em. The things we know how to do are a result of things we control, but also things we don’t, so let go of that control a little.

You’re YOU and in another country. You are not youre abilities and accomplishments, any more than you are your haircut. You are more perfect than you will ever be again, right now. Go and enjoy yourself. The English will come.

5

Honestly, you write better than some paid English teachers on this forum do, so I would suggest you say, “Mission: Accomplished!” watch English programs or do something that interests you to maintain your present skills, and start venturing into other languages.

6

by the way, I consider my speaking English pretty decent. I started at 13, so I have the age advantage, but during the process I have never stopped having Mandarin/Taiwanese speaking friends. I’ve came close, in places like Hamburg and El Paso because there aren’t that many around, but I have never actively avoided having such friends.

when I was in college in California, I met Taiwanese people who just graduated from Taiwanese high schools (famous ones) not that long ago, claiming that they don’t speak a word of Mandarin… It’s hard to believe, so people just think they are pretentious. Maybe they were trying to do the same thing, trying to avoid speaking Mandarin all together. I just don’t find such measures really necessary. As long as you are not only hanging out with a bunch of Mandarin speaking friends 24/7, I’d think have a couple friends from Taiwan and hang out once or twice every week isn’t that bad.

7

OP, I can relate to every sentiment you’re having (but in reverse). But have you ever stopped to think that maybe your anxiety is born of the unrealistic expectations you’re holding yourself to? Honestly, how many Chinese-speakers do you know who didn’t start actively speaking English until so late but now manage to speak it perfectly? Probably none. I don’t know any foreigners who have native-level Chinese unless they grew up speaking it.

If I can draw a conclusion based on only your writing, it sounds like you’re probably closer to your goal than you think. Instead of focusing on what you haven’t accomplished, you should constantly remind yourself that you’ve already gone a very long distance, and you beat out the vast vast majority of your countrymen. Despite what another poster said, I think that’s a good reason to be proud.

Of course, it’s easy for me to say this as a foreigner in Taiwan. Speaking any Chinese at all here earns you applause and a bucket of fish like a performing sea lion; a few people have literally jumped backward in surprise when I start speaking Chinese. This is very, very different to the way Americans tend to discriminate based on English ability (my own personal observation), and I assume Australia may be very similar. People don’t have time for less-than-perfect English and hate to repeat themselves when not understood. Don’t take it personally, and just keep striving for the best.

加油

8

That’s just self esteem as it was mentioned…
You just wrote in a foreign language and we completely understood.
Trust me, in a country you might not be the only one with an accent, people dig different accents, so don’t worry much about it.
I suggest that now that you had the education, learn the slang (slang helps you get comfortable and find alternative ways to say many things), listen to music in that language and how they pronounce it (speaking in melody helps you get a “flow” going) , get series (dramas) and watch them focusing on the characters speaking (Idioms, expressions, and just general pronunciation) and tongue twisters.

9

Thank you everyone for your inputs and encouragements.

I admit that I do set a pretty high bar for myself and perhaps it’s a bit too ambitious. But at the very least, I’d like my pronunciation to reach a level that people have no issues with understanding me and I won’t have to repeat myself as much as I do now.

I understand it takes time and much practice to neutralise one’s accent, and I’m doing as much as possible to brush up on my skill. But the longer I’m here, the more frustrated I get with not seeing the outcome I expect (again, maybe it’s really just an unrealistic expectation)

Also, I agree it’s a bit too extreme to not have any chinese speaking friends, and definitely not healthy. At first I was merely aiming to make more English speaking friends, and didn’t realize it would gradually get me isolated from the opportunities of meeting other people. Now I rarely encounter situations that I can make chinese speaking friends, I mean naturally (there is literally none in my workplace). I think I need to take more initiative in seeking opportunities. After all, I have to reassure myself that I have the ability to communicate and associate with others.

Once again, many many thanks, you are all very kind. I wish everyone on this forum who also strives to foster their language learning all the best. :pray:

10

if you left taiwan at 17 i can imagine your english must be almost native sounding. you sound like you are over worrying or over thinking it! there is nothing wrong with a bit of an accent. nobody would expect otherwise.

11

[quote=“daneil.daniel”]I’d like my pronunciation to reach a level that people have no issues with understanding me and I won’t have to repeat myself as much as I do now.

I understand it takes time and much practice to neutralise one’s accent, and I’m doing as much as possible to brush up on my skill. [/quote] Don’t beat yourself up about that, even some native English speakers have that problem. They’re called Scots.

12

I once did an interpreting job in Taiwan where the speaker was a Scot. He delivered a paragraph, stopped and waited for my interpretation, and I had to ask him to repeat and rephrase - much to the delight of the audience.

13

I am imagining his internal monologue.

I hate having to speak anodyne language school English for non-Brits. It’s like being at work but not being paid.

14

[quote=“daneil.daniel”]Thank you everyone for your inputs and encouragements.

I admit that I do set a pretty high bar for myself and perhaps it’s a bit too ambitious. But at the very least, I’d like my pronunciation to reach a level that people have no issues with understanding me and I won’t have to repeat myself as much as I do now.

I understand it takes time and much practice to neutralise one’s accent, and I’m doing as much as possible to brush up on my skill. But the longer I’m here, the more frustrated I get with not seeing the outcome I expect (again, maybe it’s really just an unrealistic expectation)

Also, I agree it’s a bit too extreme to not have any chinese speaking friends, and definitely not healthy. At first I was merely aiming to make more English speaking friends, and didn’t realize it would gradually get me isolated from the opportunities of meeting other people. Now I rarely encounter situations that I can make chinese speaking friends, I mean naturally (there is literally none in my workplace). I think I need to take more initiative in seeking opportunities. After all, I have to reassure myself that I have the ability to communicate and associate with others.

Once again, many many thanks, you are all very kind. I wish everyone on this forum who also strives to foster their language learning all the best. :pray:[/quote]

I think the most important thing is getting to the level where you are understood. My wife went over to Australia when she was 16 and while she still has a bit of an accent (a mix of Taiwanese, American and Australian!), people understand her completely. In my opinion, accents add flavour to a language!

An accent would only be a problem if your grammar and vocabulary aren’t up to scratch. Clearly, that is not the case here. :slight_smile: