Asking for a good Friend, here. He’s married, one child (elementary school age). His marriage has failed, there’s no love anymore. Unable to take this situation any longer, he has moved out of the family home to a nearby apartment.
His wife is in denial about the marriage, even though they were hardly talking when living together. Now she is ‘punishing’ Friend by refusing to let him see his child, except for a few hours each Sunday. And even then, she is not showing up at the agreed time, or arriving late, or insisting that the child is returned early. And although she spends an awful lot of time on her phone, every day, she ignores most of his messages about getting access to his child.
His (limited) income now goes on rent/bills for 2 places.
He has zero extra to spend on lawyers. Zero.
He has no paddle.
Is he in any place, other than up S Creek?
I can’t see the D.i.v.o.r.c.e thread anymore.
I do see a thread about Taipei marriage guidance counselling - but he lives a long way from there. Is there anything online?
I meant is there any online counselling available in Taiwan. If that’s clearer. Some type of mediation that would cost Friend nothing to very little, and perhaps improve their situation.
They give some counseling and advice on legal matters for free. I think they could also tell about the mediation at court or local government. I’m not sure if it helps, though.
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Associations or centers for immigrants would provide some mediation and counseling services for free too. It may not be online, though.
They are not divorced yet and have both custody. It is better they agree on a schedule.
But as it happened in Taiwan way too often, one of the parents can take the kid away to an undisclosed location. And nobody will be able to do anything against it because that parent has custody.
Court proceedings to change that will take forever.
Depends on how bad it is. He can be the one to do it. Just take the kid and move to another place in Taiwan. Then stop paying his wife’s apartment. But I would avoid it as much as possible.
yes, you are wrong. They give advice for other things too. Their counseling is for free, and you can make an appointment as many times as you want. More than the counseling and advice is not free for people with certain income.
The wife is in total denial about the marriage, hurt (butt-hurt) beyond belief, and her only rationale here is to control Friend by refusing a divorce, or to give good access to his son. I’m sorry for her too, but I know Friend well, and there is no way back.
Incidentally, I just saw Friend for dinner, and he was lower than low, crushed. He mentioned death (suicide) a couple of times, and although it wasn’t said with true meaning, I’ve never heard him even voice that before.
Tell him to be strong for his kid. Tell him he is not alone.
As long as he has not signed anything, he is OK. This is very important: ,tell him not to sign any divorce papers or papers of any kind until a custody arrangement is made. If he signs without it, he’s gonna lose the kid. That is his ace, his shield, his anchor. He can still get in the fight. Just do not sign.
There is also the Community Center in Tianmu that has counseling. However, at this point, yes legal services are required.
Friend’s wife is unwilling to accept their marriage is over. She needs to be gently forced, somehow, into mediation. I don’t know to get that done though.
Does he have permanent residence? Or is he willing to give up his own and take ROC passport? Until he gets any of those, the marriage cannot be over. He will not to able to fight to see his kid.
He is vulnerable now but he will be completed helpless if he signs anything now.
Ok, marriage per se is over, he needs support and psychological help, and most importantly, be the friend willing to take the keys out of his car and don’t let him make any rash decisions. If he divorces now in his mental state he will lose everything. And it will be worse. Protect your friend when he cannot protect himself.
That is extremely sad
I hope things will work out for him
Does he have a church ? Seek help there as well
There’s power in numbers
If he has no church but you do ask your church to help you help him
Thanks icon, I think he has APRC. Need to check that though. He’s been here so long, can’t imagine he is still ARC.
But if he’s walked out of the home, but is still married, and she doesn’t agree to a divorce, how can he move things forward? The marriage took place in the U.S. though, not Taiwan, I don’t know if it makes any difference.
He needs a good lawyer.
But he can’t even afford a bad lawyer .
Well, you said he is going through a divorce now. Both still have resentment with each other. But, it is wrong to involve a child. Both are parents of this child. So, the responsibility should be shared. I don’t know if things will cool down later. You know, it is a divorce period. If I were you, I wouldn’t get involved. I would just advise him to be amicable even his ex is bitching on him. Because it will get worse if he confronts her. Especially because he doesn’t have money to hire a good lawyer. He will need to work hard to get one.
Moving to another place is a good idea and so is refusing to pay for the apt they share until she stops preventing him from seeing the kid.
Do not take the kid to another place without the mom’s permission. It’s not good for the kid and will only make her more defensive and unwilling to cooperate. Giving each other space to calm down is probably the best move.
thanks homer. I like the idea of refusing to pay for her apartment, although she is quite easily angered, and could well flee with the child back to the West Coast and her family town.
Friend doesn’t want that. He fears that she will leave town.
There are just too many variables in this equation. Western friend or Taiwanese friend or other? Job situation? Duration of marriage? Situation with in-laws? Possibility of earning more money? Possibility of hiring lawyer? Child’s citizenship status?