well it had me laughing out loud anyway
Stage Two
Next, you must seize control of New York. This will all be done from a haunted woods, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will fall into catatonic trances, as countless hordes of mean english teachers hasten to do your every bidding.
Your objective is simple: Soul Accumulation.
Your motive is a little bit more complex: Evil - It’s my nature
Stage One
To begin your plan, you must first seduce a town mascot. This will cause the world to slaughter a sacred calf to appease the gods, terrified by your arrival. Who is this evil genius? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good as a brain in a jar?
Stage Two
Next, you must vaporize the Moon (ooh, tides!). This will all be done from a hell, a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will wet their pants, as countless hordes of the religious right hasten to do your every bidding.
Stage Three
Finally, you must let loose your needlessly big weather machine, bringing about horrors beyond man’s comprehension. Your name shall become synonymous with fuzzy bunnies, and no man will ever again dare refuse to be your prom date. Everyone will bow before your extraordinary charisma, and the world will have no choice but to worship the ground you walk on.