Funniest Headline Ever

How about these? My faves in red.

[quote]
Deaf mute gets new hearing in killing.
[color=red]Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers.[/color]
House passes gas tax onto senate.
Stiff opposition expected to casket less funeral plan.
[color=red]Two convicts evade noose, jury hung.[/color]
William Kelly was fed secretary.
Milk drinkers are turning to powder.
Safety experts say school bus passengers should be belted.
Quarter of a million Chinese live on water.
Farmer bill dies in house.
Iraqi head seeks arms.

Queen Mary is having bottom scraped.
Is there a ring of debris around Uranus?
Prostitutes appeal to Pope.
[color=red]Panda mating fails, veterinarian takes over.[/color]
Child

I read this headline many many years ago when it was re-printed in Private Eye:

“Mortuary Plan Meets Stiff Opposition”

and…a quote from an article, decades ago:

“The Margate Pier Committee has spent two million pounds in as many years”

Er…that’s it.

And a great headline from Hong Kong’s now defunct Eastern Express, done deliberately and refering to a female Hong Kong socialite (Teri Chao)who had gone to a clinic (in Miami, I think) to seek medical attention for a mild sexually transmitted disease she had contracted from her husband (millionaire property developer, Cecil Chao). Hat’s off to the sub-editor who managed to get this on the front page in big letters:

“Teri Comes Clean” :laughing:

I found this recent headline in the Taipei Times mildly amusing:

Alien counting on us to eat more chicken and honey

China Post today:

KMT Proposes Shooting Committee

That’s harsh even for them these days…