Funniest poster

I am looking for the most consistantly humorous poster on Segue. Please link to examples of their work.

My vote at this stage goes to Rory Butternuts for the following quotes…

1:“I had a friend called Barry who, during his tenure as a nightclub bouncer, conducted scientific brain research by knocking various people’s heads together. They wouldn’t let him publish that in Nature either, despite his conclusions that it was civil engineering students who made the most satisfying thunk.” rory butternuts

2:“Looks like he made a run on the pic n’ mix down the metaphor store.” rory butternuts

3: "Hey, steady on. Don’t forget China Airlines recently invented the first 300-seater thrill ride, and nobody has yet been able to beat those stuffed teddy bear eyes that 1960s-era Taiwan manufactures successfully designed to choke small infants. "rory butternuts

4: This one is the best "Listen, if men are from Mars and women are from Venus then all you guys are arguing about is which part of the planet she comes from. No matter where they’re from women are mysterious creatures with limited powers of reasoning and poor driving skills, especially when they take that monthly trip to the ‘dark side’.

I’ve got a Taiwanese girlfriend and I don’t understand her any less or any more than my last bird. At least this one can cook fish properly and doesn’t have an irrational hatred of all my mates." Rory Butternuts


I have to concur with your choice… there are lots of funny posts here… but rory butternuts has to be the funniest, at least presently.


rory gets my vote

ABC24guy / Vincent

ABCguy24??? hmmm after scrolling through a list of his posts I can’t find anything deserving of making him the funniest poster on Segue. If I am wrong please provide some of his more witty quotes.

every word is a finely sculpted parody

Vincent also fails to qualify for consistant use of humor.

tossup between Lady Judge and “used love seat man”

ahhh haaa haaaa … I am rolling on the floor pi$$ing myself over that one… These people have 0 posts. Chainsmoker must be trying to get on the list with that one. Oh… can’t stop laughing… it hurts, it hurts… oh no I pi$$ed myself again.

Time to take another pill.

The " used love seat" posts obviously got deleted because they were turning into a series of personal attacks in the “Buy & Sell” (!) forum. But the beginning was actually quite funny.

My personal favorite:

Richard Hartzells quote in the “CNY 2003” thread:

“After checking my World Almanac this morning, I have determined that under the solar calendar, the New Year’s celebrations will fall on January 1st in each of these years”


Not sure about individual topics, but one of the funniest threads was when crbkstiles was getting his ass raped on this thread.

Amusingly, these long-ago locked threads seem to have unlocked themselves during the transformation to Segue. :wink:

Yeah, that thread was pretty funny.

I don’t understand why noone’s mentioned it before, but Sandman has been entertaining Oriented/segue readers with his sardonic Scottish wit quite regularly for ages.

Oh, are we counting pillocks in this? In that case, I vote for myself, although I’m not in same league as auld butternuts – also an Albanach, unless I’m very much mistaken.

And what about some of Wolfman’s efforts? I remind you of his deathless “COCKROACHES CAN FLY!” “PULL MY FINGER!” hoot of a few months ago, and who can forget his avatar analysis of just a few days ago?

If we’re voting for funniest moderators, I vote for JeffG. His post about the mice and the computers? Cracked me up! :laughing: :smiley: :mrgreen:

Tsk, tsk, Maoman! You and Monkey both! A right pair, the both of you. :wink:

As of now, Rory Butternuts has only 9 posts.
Did 'nuts bring a fan club to Taiwan with him? Or is he just one knee-slappingly hilarious prankster?
Only time will tell…

“Even if all his life a fool associates with a wise man, he will not appreciate the truth, even as the spoon does not appreciate the flavor of the soup.”
The Buddha

I’m with Iris. Hartzell cracks me up every time.

But did u laugh at the following Richard joke? Background: In one of the newspaper threads there is some discussion about an article on smoking that failed to properly describe what “free radicals” are. Read Richard’s thigh-slapper below:

When you study Chinese characters, you have to learn about their composition. One part of the composition of each character is the radical.

When your Chinese teacher gives you a test on these matters, she may say “There are ten characters listed here, and you must write down the radical for each.”

Some teachers may add “If you get any nine right, I will give you a grade of 100%.”

That is a free radical.
{groan! :laughing: }

Sandman is not bad. I am finding it difficult to compare him with butternuts because he has so many posts. I give him a high ranking on the consistantly funny poster list.

As for 'nuts, well time will tell, but so far he’s doing pretty good. If I discover that he is a professional comedian I will have to disqualify him for professionalism as this contest is only for amateurs.