Next time anybody’s got any trouble getting into a house, just call me.
Last night I was planning to go to some nice little lounge bar near SOGO, but noooo, had to change my mind, why? why? why?
My co-worker phoned me and invited me to go to (sob!) 99 since she couldn’t find anybody to go with her. So (sob!) I went and my bag got stolen. I immediately phoned my number and the phone was turned off so I knew it wasn’t just misplaced or whatever. I guess I was getting careless…I would never leave anything on a table in South Africa, but since I usually go to Spin where we just throw all our stuff in one corner or to other Taiwanese-frequented places where this kind of thing seldom happens I did, and now it’s gone. The worst part is all the people that I was with were actually standing around the table, and I was right at the next table because my friend wanted to introduce me to this band called Chthonic (spelling?) whose lead singer owns or manages or somethings Zeitgeist.
And since I was wearing a skirt I had nothing on me, no phone, no keys, no money, NOTHING. God, I even lost my Spin VIP card. And they don’t make those anymore. And I’ve had my wallet since I was 12! We were commenting on that just the other day…and my stupid ARC. And my stupid phone is three years old, so the stupid tit who took it probably can’t even do anything with it and chucked it. And I have no money so I’ll probably only be able to buy a phone around December.
The boss at 99 has some of my friends’ numbers on his phone so I asked him to phone them, but nobody answered at 2 in the morning. So after a while I left and went to Spin where I was running around going “Somebody stole my Spin card! Somebody stole my Spin card!” and the dj must have heard (ha!) because he got all sympathetic and played THREE LMF songs in a row, and some White Zombie and Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails. So I was dancing and everybody bought me drinks (which NEVER happens in Spin) and I quite forgot about my little dilemma.
But the worst part is this little guy who I quite like and have known for three years decided he wanted to go home with me (which NEVER happens), and then of course, I didn’t have my bloody keys so I had to say NOOO! And he lives with his mother, of course. And he said well, maybe tomorrow night and I thought yeah right, tomorrow night we’ll both be sober and it’s just NOT going to happen. (note to self: get drunk in Spin more often)
And then this guy cried on my shoulder because his girlfriend broke up with him two months ago, and I met that band from 99 again, and went back to that evil evil place and the boss kept following around going sorry, sorry, but I’m the stupid idiot not him. And now I’m sitting here typing this stuff because I’m too angry to sleep, even though all I envisioned after it got to about 4 was my bed and me in it. Had a long, long summer vacation day.
One good thing is that I ran into this obnoxious guy who I discovered too late was married, the shit, and he was all upset because he’s been phoning me and I said well, my phone’s been stolen. And he said but it rings when I phone, so I just said not anymore and disappeared back into the crowd. Even worse is, that is a bad experience from the LAST time I went to 99…must have been around December or January (yeah right, I hear you all say).
And then it was 7 and I thought it’s not too early to wake up the neighbours, so I buzzed somebody and they let me into the building, but didn’t open their door. So I pulled my skirt up until it was around my waist, showing off my tigerskin undies to the neighbour’s dog that was so amused that he didn’t even bark as I climbed past his house and landed quite gracefully on the roof. I wet my entire arm in the kiddie pool and shoved it through the burglar bars (a rather painful experience), grabbed onto the doorknop with two fingers and using all my chi energy (read: alcohol-induced power as I would normally probably have considered the entire procedure to be an impossible feat) to open the door to the sound of wildly excited screaming guinea pigs.
So next time you’re in a fix, just feed me a couple of drinks and give me a call. (or a PM as I seem to have misplaced my phone).
p.s. Is it normal to feel kind of violated when something like this happens, I feel like I have given up some kind of control, and I’m imagining somebody somewhere checking out all my personal stuff and I can’t sleep.