Why did they spell segue (was Oriented (Now Forumosa) )wrong ?
Ah, the mighty ferocious meercat!
SUI
This is good 
[quote]CELL PHONE SPAM
I knew there was going to be trouble the first time I picked up a cell phone and saw the itty bitty display screen.
And sure enough, it’s happening. Cell phones are starting to display ads. Not that I have anything against ads. I love ads. I just think they have a proper time and a proper place.
Cell phones with display screens - it’s a recipe for mobile spam. This is spam that follows you everywhere. The car, the sales meeting, the bathroom. I will say this in spam’s defense. You do learn one thing from it - modern science has clearly achieved miracles in the area of male enlargement.
AIDS, cancer, SARS, they remain elusive, but by golly, we can fix it so every man in America needs a wheelbarrow.
And we’re actually getting off easy. Right now, less than 10% of mobile messages are spam. But that’s bound to change. In Japan, cell phone subscribers are getting as many as 30 spams a day.
I have a feeling we’re next. So what do we do about it?
Nothing. There’s nothing you can do. There are no rules anymore. One congressman has a bill to ban wireless spam, but if it’s not about terrorism, nobody cares. I wouldn’t be surprised if the spammers find a way to break into the phone conversation itself. “Your wife will have full details of that errand in a moment. But first, would you like to make $5000 a month in your sleep?”
They’ll do that, then they’ll break into your dentist’s office while the hygienist has a pick in your molar and try to refinance your mortgage.
Oh, I know I’m being unfair. I shouldn’t even be calling it spam. The official term is Mobile marketing. There’s even a Mobile Marketing Association. And I know they’re nice people. In fact, I wish I had their cell phone numbers so that all of us could send them text messages telling them just how nice.
But, that would be wrong. Fun, but wrong.
(MMIII, Viacom Internet Services Inc., All Rights Reserved)[/quote]
Do you like butter on your toast?
Many folks do, if not most.
Unless they’re on some kind of diet,
That’s the way they tend to try it.
So begins the poem, “The Toast of Malcolm Scroud”
Damn, that was droll.
Indeed it is a joke . . .only its true, apparently:
Mr. He?
HG
. . . after first contributing a submarine to the war, just as the yanks were entering Baghdad . . .
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/3054625.stm
[quote]Danes prepare for snow in Iraq
S’no joke when the winter gear is sent to Iraq in summer
Denmark’s troops in Iraq may dream of the frost of a Scandinavian winter on days when the temperature rises to a blistering 46 degrees.
But many may have been wondering if the military back home really had to rub it in when a recent supply shipment turned up a snowplough and a stock of salt for icy roads.
Baking in the heat and dust outside Basra, the 380-odd Danes could have been forgiven for thinking the lawnmowers also included in the cargo were a mirage.
“We admit that there were some mistakes made in the shipment of materiel,” a military spokesman, Major Jan Brinck, told the AFP news agency.
The mistake appeared “comical”, he said, as Danish newspapers were reporting shortages of essential items such as morphine and even stakes for tents for the soldiers stationed at Qurna, 75 kilometres (45 miles) from Basra.
“But we are trying to remedy the shortcomings and are working relentlessly to send the necessary materiel to our men,” the spokesman stressed.
He might also have mentioned other reported complaints from troops such as getting bullet-proof vests the wrong size and being assigned ageing military vehicles given a last-minute reprieve from the junkyard.
Defense Minister Svend Aage Jensby has told one Danish paper, Ekstra Bladet, of his displeasure over the mistakes and has promised to put them right. [/quote]
What did one racist say to the other racist?
“Where you going?”
What did the second racist say?
“Into town.”
What did the third racist in the group say?
“Can I come?”
What did the women’s studies major who overheard them say?
“You’re all a bunch of fucking racists…”
[quote=“Alexander O’Neill, posting on rec.humor.funny”]
Yesterday on CBC radio the Toronto morning show host was interviewing one of the men who was involved in the court case leading to the legalization of same-sex marriages in Ontario. At the end of the interview, after the interviewee announced his intention to get married that afternoon, the host finished up by saying “well congratulations, it’s a fairy tale come true.”[/quote]
[quote=“miltownkid”]Beating the meat, Miltown style
With video footage!!!
[/quote]
Three views of the sausage slaughter (requires RealPlayer, sorry):
jsonline.com/multimedia/popup.asp?id=2714
Why don’t armadillos play hockey?
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Too many face offs.
Hi-I received this once before and can’t recall if I passed it on at that time
or not, if I did just chalk it up to OLD AGE.
Subject: The Bricklayer
This is a bricklayer
A good friend is one that will bail you out of jail. A best friend is one that is sitting beside you in jail saying, “DAMN!, that was awsome”!
[quote=“enigma”]Hi-I received this once before and can’t recall if I passed it on at that time
or not, if I did just chalk it up to OLD AGE.
Subject: The Bricklayer
This is a bricklayer
When ever someone says “It’s a true story”, best check on Snopes for a different version of the letter one says a ‘Silo’ the other a ‘6 Storey building’, in one it’s bricks, in the other it’s tools, you thought an insurance claim would get that right…
Still funny though, even if it’s not true.
Take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
(This year
1972: Long hair
2002: Longing for hair
1972: The perfect high
2002: The perfect high yield mutual fund
1972: KEG
2002: EKG
1972: Acid rock
2002: Acid reflux
1972: Moving to California because it’s cool
2002: Moving to California because it’s warm
1972: Growing pot
2002: Growing pot belly
1972: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2002: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1972: Seeds and stems
2002: Roughage
1972: Killer weed
2002: Weed killer
1972: Hoping for a BMW
2002: Hoping for a BM
1972: The Grateful Dead
2002: Dr. Kevorkian
1972: Going to a new, hip joint
2002: Receiving a new hip joint
1972: Rolling Stones
2002: Kidney Stones
1972: Being called into the principal’s office
2002: Calling the principal’s office
1972: Screw the system
2002: Upgrade the system
1972: Disco
2002: Costco
1972: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2002: Children begging you to get their heads shaved
1972: Passing the drivers’ test
2002: Passing the vision test
1972: Whatever
2002: Depends
Just in case you weren’t feeling old enough today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year’s incoming freshmen.
Here’s this year’s list:
[ol][li]The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1983.[/li]
[li]They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.[/li]
[li]Their lifetime has always included AIDS.[/li]
[li]Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.[/li]
[li]The CD was introduced the year they were born.[/li]
[li]They have always had an answering machine.[/li]
[li]They have always had cable.[/li]
[li]They cannot fathom not having a remote control.[/li]
[li]Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.[/li]
[li]Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.[/li]
[li]They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.[/li]
[li]They can’t imagine what hard contact lenses are.[/li]
[li]They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.[/li]
[li]They never heard: “Where’s the Beef?”, “I’d walk a mile for a Camel”, or “de plane Boss, de plane”.[/li]
[li]They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.[/li]
[li]McDonald’s never came in Styrofoam containers.[/li]
[li]They don’t have a clue how to use a typewriter.[/li][/ol]