“… and she really gave us massive aids.”
Some of my students join my class after being taught basic English by their Taiwanese teachers. I just have to fine tune their pronunciation.
For example, they are taught to raise their hand and say ‘I’m done’, when finished writing.
It always cracks me up when a student raises their hand and says ‘I’m dumb’.
Had an interesting conversation with a class I recently took over.
“Teacher, what does brat mean?”
I explained.
“Teacher, what does shi*t mean?”
I explained, and told him that saying it in my class earned you a trip to the office.
“Ohhh, so that’s what she meant!”
That’s what who meant?
“Our old teacher used to say “You little brats! You never listen to me! You little shits!”” (performed flawlessly in a frustrated high-pitched voice, complete with table-banging)
O.O;;;;;;;;
I heard they were really horrible for…well, everyone, but still. I asked them what they did to make her say that, and apparently they used to kick the table and scream and just wouldn’t stop.
me: besides cake, what else can we have a piece of?
boy: a piece of a**?
me: a piece of ice?
boy: no, my dictionary says A…S…
me: let’s not use our dictionaries
I make my students (2nd graders) guess the past tense of verbs and they keep guessing shit and shat as the past tense of shout.
Just tell them “well done!” and then have a good giggle at the end-of-year speech competition.
It’s possible they know perfectly well what the correct words are and they’re just winding you up. If there’s one thing Taiwanese English students are good at, it’s rote memorization of verb declensions.
Just tell them “well done!” and then have a good giggle at the end-of-year speech competition.
It’s possible they know perfectly well what the correct words are and they’re just winding you up. If there’s one thing Taiwanese English students are good at, it’s rote memorization of verb declensions.[/quote]
Not this class of 2nd graders. My other classes of slightly older students would definitely know.
Hmm…Then perhaps there isn’t?
“The semen is white.”
I think she meant “ceiling”, but I’m still not sure.
Calling a kitchen a chicken.
“My house has two bedrooms, a bathroom, a living room, and a very big chicken”
I was teaching occupations. We had astronaut and taxi driver in there. One kid got them confused.
Asked him to tell me what the astronaut was.
“It’s an ass driver.”
Ah. Ass Drivers from Space. Time for Hollywood to come out with that original gem.
I have an entire album on my FB devoted to writing errors alone.
Some spoken stuff:
Student was… maybe 6-ish years old. New to English. Recently learned “What is this? This is a book.” Then learned, “What is your name? My name is X” a few days after. So, just practicing with her outside of class, I ask, “What’s your name?” She replied, with utter seriousness, “My name is book!” This is one of those ultra cute little girls. The way she said it almost turned me into a puddle. The same girl later confused “May I borrow your X?” and “May I go to the bathroom” and said, “May I borrow your bathroom?”
In response to a couple of GEPT sample questions, I received these replies:
Have you ever owned a pet? If not why?
No, I have never owned a pet because I might cook it and eat it. Dog meat is delicious.
What are your weaknesses in learning the English language?
I have none. It’s too all easy. I’m a genius.
Jack (in Chinese): Teacher! Sara just stuck up her middle finger to me.
Sara (in Chinese): Because Jack signed “gan lin nia” (fuck your mother) to me first.
Me: OK. Everyone be quiet, take your books out, and keep your hands below the desks.
Later in the office with the assistant…
Me: Linda, how do you sign “gan lin nia”
Linda: WHAT!
I explain what happened in class. She tells me it is the same as the middle finger. Sara just wanted to say it out loud for everyone.
What’s your name?
“Me name I Jack”
The exam had a write polite sentances using the following…
would you like…
May I…
Pass me…
For pass me the kid wrote " I hope I pass me exam."
Me neighbours talk loik that where oi come from.
[quote=“bonzifan”]The exam had a write polite sentances using the following…
would you like…
May I…
Pass me…
For pass me the kid wrote " I hope I pass me exam."[/quote]
Please tell me he usually talks like a pirate.
[quote=“bonzifan”]The exam had a write polite sentances using the following…
would you like…
May I…
Pass me…
For pass me the kid wrote " I hope I pass me exam."[/quote]
That’s almost correct grammar for Pirate English. He still missed the “Arr!” at the end.
[quote=“Novaspes”][quote=“bonzifan”]The exam had a write polite sentances using the following…
would you like…
May I…
Pass me…
For pass me the kid wrote " I hope I pass me exam."[/quote]
That’s almost correct grammar for Pirate English. He still missed the “Arr!” at the end.[/quote]
Arrrrr…you can’t steal me joke from de post befer without askin’ me first. Arrrrrr…