Funny things your students say

To combine two different student typos (surely results of autocorrect):

Monster’s degree in Maniacal Engineering.

I saw the Pixar movie. I’m pretty sure that’s a thing.

" The main character of The old man and Sea name is Hei Ming Wei"

:bow:

but perhaps you have to have been grading for a long time, and/or be a bit racist, to find that funny?

Its not always accidental though: Argument para on “My favorite pastime”

“I like to study English, especially Ed teacher English lessons. Frist, its interesting and full of fun. Second, it’s different from teaching method in Taiwan”…etc etc (I’ll spare you the rest).

I thought they weren’t supposed to “get” irony/sarcasm?

:ohreally: I feel I have been mislead.

It’s not ironic, it’s sucking up.

Or it could be ironic/sarcastic sucking up.

Who knows what goes on in their conical-hatted little heads, but I think its more likely to be a joke.

Teaching kindy students to tell me what they did on the weekend- “Watch TV” “Play computer”

But one Monday, a usually quiet boy eagerly sticks his hand up.

S: “Teacher, I go Kaohsiung with Mommy Daddy.”

Me:“Oh, you went to Kaohsiung with your Mommy and Daddy. Why did you go to Kaohsiung? What did you do?”

S: “See my…uncle.”

Me: Oh, you saw your uncle. Was it fun?"

S: “Yes, funny. My uncle, he jiou zui, hit police officer, police officer take in…how to say?” (mimes holding on bars)

Me: “Jail”

S: (Grinning proudly) Yes, uncle in jail."

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Had a little girl say she was leaving Taiwan. Jokingly, I asked her if I could go with her. After considering for a few seconds, she said, “OK, but you have to sleep with my mom.”

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Psychotherapist

Pronounced “psycho the rapist”

Almost spooky how much sinister serendipitous sense that makes… :ponder:

I have this student who does not lie, ever. His emails crack me up. Sent at 10:05:

'Dear E,

I did not attend the class because I am sleeping until 10am and class finish at 10:50. Also today we will discuss the article about desalination and I did not read it so it is better if I stay in my dormitory.

Warm regards,

A Student’

other emails detailing reasons for non-attendance include staying up all night playing computer games, oversleeping due to having been unable to sleep because of drinking two Starbucks lattes when he was taking out a second year girl on a date and another because the topic in his textbook looked too hard.

Love that kid. The others give me bullshit about the ganmaos and la duzis. :laughing:

Tonight: “Chicken anal is good for your skin.”

“Oscar Pistorius is a disabled spinster”

OK, not THAT funny, but its been a rough week so I’ll take what I can get.

Many years ago, I was telling the story of ‘Goldilocks’ to a class of young Grade 1 students.
Towards the end, I heard a little girl whispering to her classmate… in Chinese
‘You see, I told you, all foreign little girls are thieves, especially the blond ones.’

[quote=“keroliver”]Many years ago, I was telling the story of ‘Goldilocks’ to a class of young Grade 1 students.
Towards the end, I heard a little girl whispering to her classmate… in Chinese
‘You see, I told you, all foreign little girls are thieves, especially the blond ones.’[/quote]

Out of the mouths of babes…

A class was interrogating me about my girlfriend after I made the mistake of mentioning her.

“Is she pretty?”
“Yeah.”
“So why is she with you?”

Slayed me.

[quote=“AdamLazaruso”]A class was interrogating me about my girlfriend after I made the mistake of mentioning her.

“Is she pretty?”
“Yeah.”
“So why is she with you?”

Slayed me.[/quote]

I think “She hopes to improve her English” is a good answer to that kind of question.

Self-effacing, but sends the right message about the level of sacrifice and dedication required.

She hopes to improve her grades”, OTOH, might be going just a bit too far. :whistle:

One of my students today reached out and casually peeled a strand of my peeling sunburned skin off my arm like he was peeling a banana. More creepy and disgusting than funny I guess.

This evening, checking homework for writing class. An exercise in writing about differences using the word ‘unlike’.

The writing prompt: _______________________, deserts don’t have a lot of plants.

Student wrote: "Unlike salad, deserts don’t have a lot of plants.

It made my day.

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Ultimate Taiwan answer today from 10 year old.

“So what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“I want to be a 房東”

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My first year teaching, in China, I drew a bad map of China on the board

A helpful student puts his hand up and says “Teacher, China doesn’t look like that. China is shaped like a giant cock!”

I didn’t know how to say chicken wasn’t the first thing that came to my mind, but I asked him never to use the word again. Er, when I finished laughing :smiley:

Sweden, on the other hand…

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