Genuine daters? Or mostly just looking for fun?

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[quote=“canuck1”]I’m curious to know if there are any men in this community (you and/or your friends) who are actually looking to genuinely date women (including other expats) rather than just out for an easy lay.

From experience living in another Asian city (and from general word of mouth) the consensus is that male expats are all out to have fun, nothing serious…[/quote]

I’m out for some serious fun if that helps.

(who the hell dates anymore, anyway?)

Well yeah. I thought relationships were supposed to be fun. Where did this “serious” business come from?

OK, well i guess that about sums it up…

Finlay, yes relationships are meant to be fun. But I meant one night stands without any other intention. in other words: “shag, dump…next!”

There are plenty of men in this community who date both for fun and looking for genuine relationships. If you follow this board more closely you’ll realize that many of the posters on it have partners that they dated and are now married to, or in steady relationships with, here.

[quote=“canuck1”]I’m curious to know if there are any men in this community (you and/or your friends) who are actually looking to genuinely date women (including other expats) rather than just out for an easy lay.

From experience living in another Asian city (and from general word of mouth) the consensus is that male expats are all out to have fun, nothing serious…[/quote]

I was, then I found my SO and stepped out of the dating scene. Serious daters don’t stay on the market for long. One night standers, on the other hand, have no expiry date.

I thought genuine daters are mostly just looking for fun?

The order of progression is thus:

  1. Dating
  2. Exclusive Relationship
  3. Marriage
  4. Xiao San (JK!)

Or are you talking about booty calls?

If you don’t want a one night stand, don’t do the beast with two backs on the first night. Isn’t that the key tenet of The Rules?

If he’s worth it, he’ll wait. Or something like that.

Yeah, I know … I was just being silly. What I meant was, I’m fairly sure most people over the age of (say) 20 don’t specifically go around with one intention or the other. Sometimes you shag someone and want to do it lots more. Sometimes somebody just grows on you (like a fungus). There’s no roadmap. Or if there is, I prefer off-road. But maybe that’s just me.

:astonished: Yeah you probably want to see a doctor if that happens.

You all are missing the paparazzi of dating, compensating dating. Girl has drinks with you, makes you feel like she’s interested, and that you are interesting, for a few hours… you buy her an LV bag. Very popular in Taiwan.

But this is probably a subject for a separate discussion as it gets much more involved.

How are they at detecting fake LV bags?

Undoubtedly very good.

Okay, okay–send me your astrological information, and I’ll arrange a marriage for you.

[quote=“canuck1”]I’m curious to know if there are any men in this community (you and/or your friends) who are actually looking to genuinely date women (including other expats) rather than just out for an easy lay.

From experience living in another Asian city (and from general word of mouth) the consensus is that male expats are all out to have fun, nothing serious…[/quote]

I was a genuine dater but my ex-GF wanted to marry before 25. I wanted marriage after 30. We were 24 back then. We broke up. Now she is probable writing and posting the same question as you in some chinese forum: “Where to find a serious dater (meaning someone who will marry you right away)”. I told her that I was not prepared to get married yet, she was OK with that, then the pressure to commit started, we broke up. Then I got labeled as another male expat just searching for fun. Go figure.

Okay, serious reply this time. There is some disagreement as to what “expat” means exactly, but however this is parsed, they or we are not all alike, so “all out to have fun, nothing serious” can’t be right. So now we’re faced with the task of estimating the percentage of expat (however defined) men who are interested in marriage–which is different from looking for a long-term relationship, though attitudes can evolve as a result of being in a relationship–and what the odds are of any given woman with similar goals (of which I suspect there to be many more) finding such a man. These odds, on the face of them, do not look good, I’m sorry to report. Furthermore, many if not most of these men will be attracted to local women, so this cuts down your odds by a whole order of magnitude, unless you are either willing to consider men from other target populations, or move somewhere where the odds are more in your favor (like Saudi Arabia).

Or else you can just pick out the man you want and attempt to hunt him down: bat your eyelashes at him, get him to date you, and gradually take over his life!

[quote=“tomthorne”]If you don’t want a one night stand, don’t do the beast with two backs on the first night. Isn’t that the key tenet of The Rules?

If he’s worth it, he’ll wait. Or something like that.[/quote]

Pretty much, so easy to weed out the interested (sex, designers bags, whatfreakingever) people from “worth-it” people. If you have to ask whether this people exist or not, I would pretty much think you’re hanging out in the wrong places.