Girl goes wild

The psycho xiaojie is alive and well. My friend (no, truly, not me) broke up with a girl (26) two months or so back. Nothing too dramatic just a, ‘I like you but I don’t want to be in a long term relationship with you’ sort of thing. Painful, yes, but the response was way over the top. Her initial reaction was to threaten herself harm, banging her head on the wall and so forth. This progressed to the 30-40 phone calls an hour game and so on. He has handled it by agreeing to see her on a limited basis, first twice a week, and then once a week, and now not at all.

Along the way she’s overdosed on sleeping pills and whisky - or pretended to - broken into his apartment and stolen his passport, ARC, and computer (returned a day later with the only damage a couple of cut cords), and most recently busted in on him and his new girlfriend at 6am in the morning. This was not so much a bust in, but an hour of pounding on the door, then cutting herself badly when she succeeded in breaking a window. The police turned up, paramedics turned up, and she was taken on to the hospital after much drama, which included insisting that the other girl leave before she would accompany the medics.

Other friends think he’s way too soft on her and should have charged her with something by now. I’ve been on the fence: I understand that he’s both trying to look after her to some extent, and, more significantly, he believes that if he gives in to her demands to a small degree it will stop her from really crazy behavior. Like hurting herself - or him.

He might have a point but with this latest business I think he needs to do something. What’s this crazy woman’s next move gonna be? My girlfriend thinks (putting herself into psycho xiaojie’s shoes) that if she was really on a vengeance trip she’d hurt the new girlfriend. Luckily the new girlfriend is leaving the country soon for about a month and a half.

What to do to resolve this situation. I don’t wanna hear that he should get violent with her, or hire gangsters or stupid shit like that. He’s not a violent guy, he’s not interested in hurting her, although, there has been a few tussles along the way.

How to deal with a mentally unstable, possibly dangerous ex-girlfriend. Police? Social services? What? I know there’s others out there who’ve been through similar situations. I seriously worry that his ‘let it play itself out’ tactic is going to end very badly. Now that he’s said, ‘no more’ will she give up? I think not.

Haven’t been in that situation but I don’t see much what he can do. Talk to the parents or other family members perhaps so that they take care of her?

As for him and his new gf - if they are really worried that the ex gets violent perhaps he should consider moving to a new place, changing his phone number etc., maybe even his place of work if the ex knows about it.

I would go for as much distance as possible because I think as long as he gives in, even it’s only a tiny little bit, she may misunderstand this and still think that he may possibly change his mind and come back to her. Instead he should be firm so that she hopefully understands there is no future with him, and while he may be worried or feel sorry that she may hurt herself I do not think it’s his responsibility; allowing himself to be (emotionally) blackmailed is neither good for him nor his new gf / relationship.

I smell marriage.

This is not proof of love:[quote]
This was not so much a bust in, but an hour of pounding on the door, then cutting herself badly when she succeeded in breaking a window.[/quote]

It is temporary insanity.

The good news is that by its nature, the insanity will pass. Bad news is that time in these situations can be irrationally relative. :s

Best of luck to your friend and his exGF. (btw Rascal’s “run far, hide and start a new life” advice might not be bad, and depending on who you are and what you’re doing in your life, it might be fun too).

jds

I am a firm believer in the tenet of the complete incapcity of most of the human race to communicate in rational terms.
That goes double for much of the current “generation X.02” population of Taiwan. Their parents have all been far too busy making quick bundles of cash to even give them them one iota of how to function as a human being. Other, than the smash, shout, & grab.

One always tries to be patient & understanding, but when it gets freaky violent there’s only one thing to do. Hook her up with someone else. Preferably some total stranger. A few boinks and she’ll have a new fixation.

remember; it’s only pimpage if you get paid in real time. It would be nothing short of god’s work to set up such a character with anudder man.

Did she return the passport? He can get her into some really big trouble if not.

That’s all I have.

Not working, unfortunately. She doesn’t care about what they have to say.

Yeh, this is what he is doing, more or less. He’d gonna change jobs and most importantly find a place where access is restricted. Maybe even a security guy at the door. As it is now, she can walk right into the building and up to his front door. The new ‘girlfriend’ has been scared off, and who can blame her.

I think finally its got to that point. Up to now his view was that give in to her a little so she wouldn’t do something really stupid. Now could be the most dangerous time. She still knows where he lives. She’s been steadily ramping up the craziness, and she must be starting to get that its really over. A number of times in this little journey we’ve thought, ‘ok, she’s accepted the situation, it’s over’ only to see her come back with more. What’s next?

The way I see it, this is a mentally unstable, dangerous woman who should be on meds and in counselling until she’s through it. What an effing crazy.

Oh and she has met some other guy/s in the meanwhile. Whatever happened hasn’t made any difference.

[quote=“Damage”]Did she return the passport? He can get her into some really big trouble if not.

That’s all I have.[/quote]

Yes, she did, the next day. I suggested to him that if he wasn’t going to call the police straight up, he should at least give her a deadline for return. Don’t know if he did that or she just gave them back once she’d made her point. She’s sane enough not to really push it. Which suggests that he should be more of a hard-ass. I don’t know why he didn’t call the police on that one. I think he wants to play it down as much as he can and just let it blow itself out. I think again he’s worried that if he pushes back its only going to make matters worse.

that happened to me once with a crazy woman in australia. she refused to let me out of the house, would barricade us in the front door, etc. was only resolved by the police taking her as an involuntary admission to a psych hospital where she stayed for a week after threatening self-mutilation. weird girl. quite normal now, i think, but not my GF any more…

people like that need some outside authority to step in and set them straight on the normal way to react, and time to give them some perspective.

Pardon my rudeness but, had your friend and this crazy lady gotten intimate yet? I’d think mostly yes, to cause this lady to think that your friend is “it”, and that she would marry no one else because he was the “it” guy. This girl’s virginity may have also been taken away by your friend, only to hear the comment your friend made, “I like you but I just don’t want to be in a long term relationship with you”. Which girl wouldn’t break? Different girls have different ways to deal with it. Some come out smelling like roses. Others… well, you get the story.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that rather than trying to get rid of this girl, why not try to find the roots why this girl went crazy? Surely this girl wasn’t like this when your friend was still dating her? Or was she already showing signs? If that’s the case, why didn’t he pull himself out of the relationship before they got intimate to a point where the girl thinks she now has the right to control/destroy everything in your friend’s life?

Most of them, in my experience.

Yeah. Others are fecking psychopaths. Why should he search for the root cause? He wants to be completely shot of her, and who can blame him? [/quote]

I would tell her to go and fuck herself/harrass her back.

But I also got dumped once and it made me not too rational. I was ashamed of my behaviour, though. Dunno. Can see both sides, but it’s not a good idea to tolerate criminal/violent behaviour.

Don’t shag people you don’t know unless you are sure you can get rid of them effortlessly, basically. Callous, but true.

[quote=“Buttercup”]

Don’t shag people you don’t know unless you are sure you can get rid of them effortlessly, basically. Callous, but true.[/quote]

And don’t let them know where you live, until you are really, really sure they aren’t nutters.

You’ve only been dumped once?
Damn, I got dumped every other Tuesday… when I was lucky enough to have someone.

And how would that help the situation? You just said yourself that different people react differently - and I don’t think there was a way for him to tell how she would react.
Not that it makes any difference, unless you expect him that he has to stay with her. But would you stay with a person that you have no (more) romantic feelings for, just to please him/her? I don’t think so.

Doesn’t matter (how would you know / define that point anyhow?). What matters is the current situation, not what could have been.

Yes, they’d been dating for a good 6 months or so I’d say. And no idea about the lady’s virginity but I think she’s had a foreign boyfriend (or two) before. I think she thought my buddy was an especially nice guy. Virgin/not virgin/naive Taiwanese girl/whatever, there’s no excuse for losing it the way she has. You love someone so much you persecute the hell out of them? Very f#$%ed up notion of love. Actually I’ve no idea if there is, or was, any idea of marriage in her head, I think she just wants him back.

Well I think she needs to get to the roots of her response for sure, but in the company of a professional (ie therapist), not the ex-boyfriend who just wants to get on with his life.

You make a good point here. From what he has told me there were a couple of signs that she had, in his words, ‘a nasty streak’ in her. She showed some malicious behavior towards others that wasn’t very pretty. He’s made some mistakes for sure and its obviously been a learning experience. He’s said that in hindsight (that 20/20 science) he entered into a bf/gf relationship with her way too soon. She liked him way more than he liked her, but he hung in there because it was comfortable and so forth. In a perfect world where everyone was totally sorted this sort of shit would never come about, but its not a perfect world, uh. I’ve been there myself. The difference is that I wasn’t dating a psycho who lost it when the relationship ended.

Are you saying that intimacy with another allows you control over their life? Can’t agree with that one. And if she thinks that way then its only more evidence of her crazy wrong thinking.

Now why is it that I cant find any xiaojies like that??? All my xiaojies are changing their fone numbers and addresses to get away and running away as fast as their little legs can take them? And all of them have amnesia when I call? :slight_smile: :slight_smile:

dont mess with em TAiwan chickies unless you wanna marry em !!! (because the one that you escaped from the last one to be with is the one you will want to escape FROM )

[quote=“urodacus”]that happened to me once with a crazy woman in australia. she refused to let me out of the house, would barricade us in the front door, etc. was only resolved by the police taking her as an involuntary admission to a psych hospital where she stayed for a week after threatening self-mutilation. weird girl. quite normal now, I think, but not my GF any more…

people like that need some outside authority to step in and set them straight on the normal way to react, and time to give them some perspective.[/quote]

Yes, I think this is exactly what is required. How to make it happen in Taiwan? And how come the police who’ve been called to his apartment twice now for over the top behavior haven’t taken some sort of action. From what I understand she doesn’t seem at all scared of them/anyone, coz she’s crazeee.

All joking aside - and I’m not really - it does seem a situation that could very well have a nasty end, and is crying out for some preventative action from an ‘outside authority’.

Surely he’s got a few naked photos of her? Now might be the time for him to threaten to post 'em on the Intarweb. If he doesn’t have any such pics, he deserves all he gets for being slooooow.

If he is transcient in nature. He could change the number, email, and phone number. He could then notify close friends and family of the recent changes in contact information due to his “recent move.”

Of course, with leases and other contracts this might not be easy but it may be a possiblity in the near future.

He sounds like a passive person so doing things passively might be the best option.

I am a different person and would handle things in an entirely different manner which does not need to be discussed here.

Didn’t he get the make her sick of him routine down? I hear that works really well. Make them think they are breaking up with you.