Girl sleep with one guy but dream about another?

Do you think this is normal for "good" girl to love two guys?

  • Yes
  • No

0 voters

[color=#008000]Mod Note: Names have been changed. Girl = Jane Doe, American = John Doe, German = Jack Doe.[/color]

This story is about one Taiwanese girl Jane and two boyfriends John (USA) and Jack (Germany). Names are not real :wink:
I am Taiwanese girl, who work and study in Taiwan, before lived in USA. Sometimes hang out with friends in clubs and I know many foreign students in our University.

I have one friend from USA (Washington DC). And we chat sometimes. Once he tried to say something in Chinese, eventually I found out that his GF is from Taiwan. They met 1 year ago online (February 2008) and they fall in love then she tripped to visit him in USA (Washington DC) in July and stayed with him for 5 weeks. They had great feelings, sex and so on. In August she came back to Taiwan and they were dated different people, but after one month (in September) they realized they love each other very much. So they decided to be together no matter what! And John promised to girl to arrange their future and come to visit her in Taipei in March 2009 and moved to Taipei in summer 2009. Tickets for March already bought! Hotel for parents booked and he was going to stay his GF house.
They talk over the phone every day, chatting, planning future, John was sending gifts to her, money, cards and Love notes written in Chinese. And as John said they trust each other 100%.

Then he showed me this girl, Jane, on his Facebook. I was really surprised, because that girl was Jack’s Girlfriend (exchange NTU student from Germany). I know some of his friends and I know that they date for 4-5 months having great time in night clubs, bars, sex and so on. And his friends say, Jack stays in Jane’s house 24/7. They love each other very much.

I was shocked, because that meant this girl have two Boyfriends – John from USA and Jack from Germany. I feel bad, because John was planning to move to Taipei for her. His plan was to visit her in March then she was going to USA to study English for 2 months and in Summer they move back to Taiwan and probably marry.

I told John about this girl and her BF Jack, he did not believe to me, but later call her and she told him she loves him, but he is not here now so can not support her, but Jack is here. She feels confused, because Love both, but Jack soon will go home, so she can stay with John.

See my small chat with John below (I left few lines only to understand this situation). And my question is – do you think this is normal if girl have sex with one guy and meanwhile dreaming about another? I really hate this feeling, because I heard from so many foreign friends that Taiwanese girls are so easy to get, and they cheat with every single foreigner. How this girl Jane could accept gifts from John (who loves her) if she date another guy (who also loves her)? Now John knows Jane has Jack, but read my chat with him to understand what he will do about it.

By the way, maybe there are more guys here who date this girl :wink: Raise your voices! :wink:

John says:
she cared for Jack because he really supported her in this hard time, but her feelings for me were so strong

John says:
here is John…a guy in her heart she really cared about and still cares about so much. He is so far away right now and not really a big part of her life

John says:
maybe Jack leaves in June, maybe not; I know I am in her heart

Kat says:
so she has two guys in her heart???

John says:
I think it is hard for her to choose, she is a little confused

Kat says:
she sleep with Jack!!! so how she can say she is confused?

John says:
So? she slept with him; at the same rate - she told me she loved me even though she is sleeping with him

Kat says:
You were Sending to her gifts over 200$ also

John says:
well so….

Kat says:
Do you think Jack thinks it’s ok? and you even knowing that she has BF, doing it also,

John says:
yes so - may the best man win

Kat says:
ye, having sex,is not dating? what is wrong with you people!!!

John says:
what is this issue with you and sex, when I was dating when Jane went back, I was having sex, even though I missed her; she was in Taipei~ I was here having fun too just like she was ~ this I guess you can say was all part of the journey

Kat says:
well, i don’t understand her, because now i feel bad for Jack

Absolutely, positively 100% normal. Most people have multiple boy/girlfriends, romantic and sexual partners, usually with overlap between them. People will get emotionally hurt, but usually no serious harm is done. It’s all part of the process of growing up, learning to socialize, evaluating prospective dates/mates, and just having a good time. So long as they use birth control to avoid unwanted pregnancies in merely casual relationships – preferably condoms, to also protect against disease – then, the only danger (unless someone goes psycho) is that someone will get a broken heart, but that usually heals before long and then they can go on to dating, and shagging, other people. That’s life.

But what about another guy John? Who never knew that this girl has Boyfriend?
He decided to change his life for her, to move to Taiwan!
Girl did not give him any promises, that is right! But she was accepting gifts, she was chatting with him over the phone and internet. She was telling him how mu ch she miss him and Love him and waiting for him to come! When he found the truth, she cheat him again by saying…”oh well, you were not here when I had some problems, but Jack was here. He supports me, he is nice. So I am confused, I love you, but I love Jack also!
Yes, John from USA in stupid, because believes her and decided to try even harder!
She gave him hope! She is keeping telling him about love and confused feelings! And John feels guilty, because when girl had problems he couldn’t support her, but Jack could!

Is that fair?

Even the Cambodians were doing it in the sixties. Here’s one of my favourite old Cambodian tunes - Mier Ouy Mean Bdey (Thinking of Boyfriend, Embracing Husband) from the lovely Ros Seresothea. murdered by the Khmer Rouge, as was almost everyone you hear on, or related to that track.

HG

Blame the messenger and not the message - that is human nature.

When things goes bad between John and Jane, John may just blame you for ruining his dream even if you did “tell the truth”, so beware.

It is wrong to lie to people, or intentionally mislead or deceive them (except little white lies, such as “no, that dress doesn’t make you look fat.”). If she’s doing that she’s wrong.

Relationships are difficult. People almost always get hurt. Unless you marry the first person you ever date, you will eventually break up with one person after another after another. That’s the sensible thing to do if the other isn’t quite right for you (or someone better comes along). But of course the partner won’t always see it the same way.

Sure it’s best if one can be honest and tell each partner, “don’t take me too seriously, I’m just screwing around, having fun, I like you but I’m also involved with and screwing other people, I hope you don’t mind.” Then at least one can’t be accused of lying to them. But probably all parties won’t be happy with such an arrangement. Which is why people lie instead.

[quote=“Jack Burton”]Blame the messenger and not the message - that is human nature.

When things goes bad between John and Jane, John may just blame you for ruining his dream even if you did “tell the truth”, so beware.[/quote]

:whistle:

[quote=“Mother Theresa”]It is wrong to lie to people, or intentionally mislead or deceive them (except little white lies, such as “no, that dress doesn’t make you look fat.”). If she’s doing that she’s wrong.

Relationships are difficult. People almost always get hurt. Unless you marry the first person you ever date, you will eventually break up with one person after another after another. That’s the sensible thing to do if the other isn’t quite right for you (or someone better comes along). But of course the partner won’t always see it the same way.

Sure it’s best if one can be honest and tell each partner, “don’t take me too seriously, I’m just screwing around, having fun, I like you but I’m also involved with and screwing other people, I hope you don’t mind.” Then at least one can’t be accused of lying to them. But probably all parties won’t be happy with such an arrangement. Which is why people lie instead.[/quote]

I think, if John lives in Taiwan, that is Ok. That is their problem! But how girl can lie to guy who will move for her here?
He even going to introduce his parents to her parents, do you know what i mean?
He is blind, because he does not know his Girlfriend screwing around with others!

HG,
I know you would screw around with this girl :wink:
But, i guess you would not marry her :wink:

If you know the girl you play with, giving promises to another guy who will come for her here, she thinks it is ok, because soon you will go home, what would you think about her?
Your thought?
You will go home soon, so why to care? Just have fun! Screw around! But would you feel bad for John?

[quote=“Huang Guang Chen”]Even the Cambodians were doing it in the sixties. Here’s one of my favourite old Cambodian tunes - Mier Ouy Mean Bdey (Thinking of Boyfriend, Embracing Husband) from the lovely Ros Seresothea. murdered by the Khmer Rouge, as was almost everyone you hear on, or related to that track.

HG[/quote]

My position is - this is can be normal for some girls, but not normal for “Good” taiwan girl.
Many foreigners think that Taiwan girl will sleep with any guy who has foreign passport.
Party girl as Jane, she goes to clubs at least twice per week, maybe that kind of girl who will sleep with any foreigner, but not everyone.

[quote=“katling”]My position is - this is can be normal for some girls, but not normal for “Good” taiwan girl.
Many foreigners think that Taiwan girl will sleep with any guy who has foreign passport.
Party girl as Jane, she goes to clubs at least twice per week, maybe that kind of girl who will sleep with any foreigner, but not everyone.[/quote]

Ok, but don’t pretend that Taiwan girls and boys are good and westerners are sluts. Some are, some aren’t.

It’s not normal for any “good” girl to intentionally string along a poor innocent guy, leading him to believe they’re both madly in love with each other (and only each other) he’ll fly across the world to be with her, they’ll marry and have kids, and to discuss such plans with him and not break it to him that it ain’t gonna happen. A “good” girl, regardless of what country she comes from, will eventually take pity on him, if he’s so completely, utterly deceived, and try to stop him from committing further to her; certainly a “good girl” won’t let him fly across the world to live with her when she’s actively involved with others and has no intention of devoting herself to him. But, relationships are hard and most people have probably done lots of things they probably shouldn’t have and have harmed others with their lies and deceit. I’m not condoning it, just saying: shit happens.

No, I am not trying to say Taiwanese girls are better or worse then other country.
NO!
She is Taiwanese, and I think she is doing wrong! If that guy John lives in Taiwan, then fine. But since she mislead him all the time.
When he found out she has new BF, he was said, but she, instead to break relationship with him, said: “sorry, you are not here, so what can I do, I love you and miss you, but I need someone here!” She gave him hope, so he will come to Taiwan and will try to win her back, but….I think even if he will get her, since Jack will go back to Germany, their relationship (Jane and John) will not stay for a long!

I think if this girl has heart she must to choose! But she just say – “I did not ask him to give me gifts or call me, he knows I have Boyfriend, but he still want to do it”.

She doesn’t want to admit that she keep him! She feels insecure, because Jack may leave her, so she still will have John.

I know this kind of stories you may hear everywhere, it’s true! But it is sad!

Funny, this is what the Chinese say about Zhang Zi-Yi going topless on the beach with her foreign boyfriend! :laughing:

If you think it is so wrong, why don’t you tell John?

I told to John, but he feels guilty. When this girl Jane needed him he could not come to Taiwan, because had exams, so she found Jack who could take care of her. So Jane told John - “I love you and miss you, and waiting for you to come, but sorry, right now i have Jack! I can not break up with him, because before he was nice to me when i needed help, but i still love you. But in summer he will leave, so if you really love me you will wait!”
:blah: :blah: :blah: :blah: :blah: :blah:

[quote=“katling”]No, I am not trying to say Taiwanese girls are better or worse then other country.
NO!
She is Taiwanese, and I think she is doing wrong! If that guy John lives in Taiwan, then fine. But since she mislead him all the time.
When he found out she has new BF, he was said, but she, instead to break relationship with him, said: “sorry, you are not here, so what can I do, I love you and miss you, but I need someone here!” She gave him hope, so he will come to Taiwan and will try to win her back, but….I think even if he will get her, since Jack will go back to Germany, their relationship (Jane and John) will not stay for a long!

I think if this girl has heart she must to choose! But she just say – “I did not ask him to give me gifts or call me, he knows I have Boyfriend, but he still want to do it”.

She doesn’t want to admit that she keep him! She feels insecure, because Jack may leave her, so she still will have John.

I know this kind of stories you may hear everywhere, it’s true! But it is sad![/quote]

Sounds like a real piece of work. People often find themselves torn between two loves, but this “I need a honey daddy to take care of me” makes Jane sound like someone to stay away from.

She sounds mean-spirited, needy and a bit of a slag. What’s with the ‘good girl’ tag? As you can see it means nothing and she’s not a ‘good girl’ at all. But hey, we all do things we regret and it doesn’t make her a ‘bad person’. Sadly, some people are so desperate to have a partner because they can’t do anything for themselves, they’ll do anything. Whether or not she is Taiwanese is irrelevent: only complete dickheads say ‘Taiwanese women are all easy’ or Taiwanese girls are all ‘good girls’ (even though many are). Taiwanese women obviously put it around no more or less than everywhere else.

She also sounds like she’s under 25. She might grow out of it.

A long distance relationship with someone from another country is bound to have more pressures on it, though. He should back off a bit and send more time with her. He’s taking his parents to Taiwan to meet someone he doesn’t know that well? That seems a bit silly.

Let me get this straight. John knows the whole story… but he still wants to move to Taiwan, right? If that’s the case, well, you’ve done what you could. There’s only so much you can do to prevent people from shooting themselves in the foot.

[quote=“Buttercup”]She sounds mean-spirited, needy and a bit of a slag. What’s with the ‘good girl’ tag? As you can see it means nothing and she’s not a ‘good girl’ at all. But hey, we all do things we regret and it doesn’t make her a ‘bad person’. Sadly, some people are so desperate to have a partner because they can’t do anything for themselves, they’ll do anything. Whether or not she is Taiwanese is irrelevent: only complete dickheads say ‘Taiwanese women are all easy’ or Taiwanese girls are all ‘good girls’ (even though many are). Taiwanese women obviously put it around no more or less than everywhere else.

She also sounds like she’s under 25. She might grow out of it.

A long distance relationship with someone from another country is bound to have more pressures on it, though. He should back off a bit and send more time with her. He’s taking his parents to Taiwan to meet someone he doesn’t know that well? That seems a bit silly.[/quote]

Sounds like a real piece of work. People often find themselves torn between two loves, but this “I need a honey daddy to take care of me” makes Jane sound like someone to stay away from.[/quote]

That’s kinda what I was thinking…

Yes, now John knows the truth and still want to move to Taiwan, because Jane told him she still loves him and miss him, just she can not give up on Jack, but at the same time Jack will go home soon (summer his study will be over here), that’s why she does not want to let John go :pray:

Yes, as John told me her Birthday was last week, so she is around 24.

[quote=“Buttercup”]She sounds mean-spirited, needy and a bit of a slag. What’s with the ‘good girl’ tag? As you can see it means nothing and she’s not a ‘good girl’ at all. But hey, we all do things we regret and it doesn’t make her a ‘bad person’. Sadly, some people are so desperate to have a partner because they can’t do anything for themselves, they’ll do anything. Whether or not she is Taiwanese is irrelevent: only complete dickheads say ‘Taiwanese women are all easy’ or Taiwanese girls are all ‘good girls’ (even though many are). Taiwanese women obviously put it around no more or less than everywhere else.

She also sounds like she’s under 25. She might grow out of it.

A long distance relationship with someone from another country is bound to have more pressures on it, though. He should back off a bit and send more time with her. He’s taking his parents to Taiwan to meet someone he doesn’t know that well? That seems a bit silly.[/quote]