I was briefly introduced to a wealthy chinese woman at the GongGuan Starbucks. My friend had a meeting with her, and I was just tagging along. After the introduction I went to sit by myself so my friend could do business.
After the wealthy woman left, my friend said the wealthy woman was so embarrassed because I made her lose Face.
“What was expected of me, I asked?”
“OMG !!! you’re so beautiful and such is what you should have said”,
my friend responded
I burst out laughing. Her face was completely forgettable. And my friend had told me how the wealthy woman had been cheating on her husband from day 1 and was forever “counting the cost” of every interaction she had. She wasn’t beautiful (inside or out)
Now, however, when I know I will meet a Chinese I’m prepared to give Face … even “lay it on” with a trowel if necessary
My parents always tells me to give face and all that, karma and stuff you know…
But honestly sometimes this giving face means bending over backwards and letting the other guy stick his entire arm up to the elbow into your butt. It depends, if the guy works with you don’t embarrass him but if it’s a stranger on a power trip never give him your face. He may just whip out his **** and shoot your face full of ***.
I never understood the whole face giving thing. Normally I’m polite and respectful. Worked for me so far.
What I totally don’t understand is why people like that woman in your story need others loose face after they lost face.
Funny enough it’s normally the people who think of themselves as important and of high status. The people who are really of high status and importance will usually just play along. See the Queen following Michelle Obama after the latter breached protocol and put an arm around the Queen.
People of high social status, such as the queen of England is very concerned about image. Kings have to act kingly otherwise they’re “mad” and will likely be deposed. In many ways kings have very few freedom because of that, everything they say and do or even hint at can and will be used against them in some way.
Imagine the diplomatic hell UK would be in if the queen went “off with his head” the moment someone breaks a small protocol (even if she was in the right and is within her power to do so)… Most people wouldn’t last an hour as king.
My experience in the military tells me often the higher ranking officers are the nicest for this reason. They have a lot to lose.
One should note that for example the king of Thailand can get all drunk and it’s against the law in Thailand to say anything wrong about the king, but then Thailand isn’t England. The Queen of England acting like the king of Thailand can get into a lot more trouble because of England’s status on the world stage.
There’s such double standards here. I’ve had plenty of experience where if I were sensitive I could claim I had “lost face” (store managers laughing, joking and even imitating my sub-par Chinese to their employees right in front of me, for example). You did the right thing. With in-laws and work colleagues it’s probably smart to be extra diplomatic and careful. But with this random “Karen”, who cares…
So, what is the correct protocol in the situation the OP described? Would Taiwanese people have known they’re meant to “give face” to this wealthy woman or is she simply full of herself? Are you meant to “give face” to anybody you meet or is it a status thing with her because she’s wealthy? I’m genuinely curious.
I genuinely don’t like most wealthy women in Taiwan. They seem particularly full of themselves.
I’m in wealth management and I’ve been around wealthy and rich business executives most of my life because of my fathers work. Most of the wealthy in Taiwan are relatively new money. IME, new money people are a bit full of themselves.
The most annoying clients I have are small accounts that think they deserve a crazy amount of attention and the ones that are around 1mil thinking they’ve made it and can treat us like shit if they don’t get that they want. The real wealthy and old money people are always very pleasant to talk to and deal with. They understand wealth building is about having good relationships with everyone for the long haul.
Did the woman compliment you and you did not return a compliment? Or say something negative about her appearance and you did not refute it? Either way, seems unusual for her to comment on it to your friend just given the situation described. I don’t go out of my way to give unsolicited compliments but am liberal them when the opportunity presents itself. If someone tells me they got a new haircut and don’t like it, I tell them it looks great. Unless the person is a friend, then all bets are off
A friend of mine was in a similar line of work to yourself but dealing with rich people all over East Asia and he explained it the same way and said that’s why rich Chinese are, in his opinion, the worst because they came into wealth recently and don’t know how to behave.
