I’ve known my friend for almost 5 years now, and he’s more than a friend, but also a mentor and coworker. I value my friendship with him very highly.
Enter the wife.
She is a tad domineering in their relationship and she will kick up a big argument with people she deems to be in the wrong and given the fact that she dislikes me, that is rather often. If I have a go back at her, my friend will be in big trouble later.
I think the reason that she doesn’t like me (thats mildly put) is that I am single and as such I get up to various shenanagins which she disapproves of. This then transfers to her husband who is guilty by association. There may well be more to it than that and I know I’m certainly not the most PC person around and I’ll let my opinions be known.
My relationship with her is now at the point where we just remain quiet out of politeness, but there is often a chill in the air.
Just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar to this and what they did about it.
I have a similar situation with a very good friends wife. She has always been rude and reserved around me, so I just treated the same way back. I now see my friend at times when I know the wife won’t be around. If we go to the pub and he gets it in the neck when he gets home, well, thats HIS trouble and strife. I don’t have to like the people that my friends have chosen to love.
Just how much more than a friend is he? Does he spend more time talking to you, or talk to you about more things, than he does with his wife? Maybe she feels jealous?
You’re in the UAE, right? Easy fixed. Plan a holiday to Saudi, insist your mate and his missus come along and when you get settled into the hotel, race down to the religious cops and boast about your affair with this married lady. You and yer mate can a have a great laugh about the stoning over a couple of beers on the way home.
More seriously, these situations almost never work out well. You’re likely to lose a mate, and in time, as a series of mates pass through his life, his resentment will grow till eventually he kicks her to the kerb, which is what he should have done a decade before.
Just how much more than a friend is he? Does he spend more time talking to you, or talk to you about more things, than he does with his wife? Maybe she feels jealous?[/quote]
We’ve worked together for ~4 years now (he’s another Aussie I met in Taiwan). So actually I probably end up spending more time hanging out with him that his wife does.
His wife is Taiwanese and her english isn’t great, but getting better (although I liked it better when she couldn’t speak).
As for the jealousy thing? I doubt that. I’m guessing the not liking me part has more to do with seeing my relationship history which reads a little bit like the Starwars introduction.
Mostly yes. But my wife is not alowed to. But then I only have 0 friends so thats easy lol.
A good German friend of mine for 18 years wife did not like us being together. Probably because we always played chess and watched F1 together.
She was Indonesion and very choosey about her husbands friends. But we had knowm each other before she came along and our friendhship remains strong. Mainly because he stands up to his wife.
But she was just a dork sometimes. Sometimes I would let her have a bit of back snarling in Indonesian.
Once she got upset because I was reading the Indonesian magazines lying about the house. Apparanetly I didn’t ask if I could read them.
Sometimes peoples wives will just find any excuse to start a bitch fest.
Saturday night I took my son to Carnegies for dinner and several people commented that they thought I talked to my son as if he were a friend and not just my son. Some people refused to believe he was my son.
He had a lot of fun there. Rack of Lamb for dinner followed immediatley by the Rib Eye Steak for dessert. Then later on at Brass Monkey a pizza. Damned kids eat too much but he only ways 58 kilos.
Ok, in addition to that… Obviously the issue is the trust between those two and how they relate to each other, how they solve their (potential) problems. If she has a problem with her husband hanging out with you, he and she both should be trying to resolve it. If it’s not you, it’s going to be something or someone else that’s going to become an issue.
Having said that, I have to come back to the fact that it’s of course you who is the cause and source of all evil. Including toenail fungus.
His problem mate, not yours. If you like, you could tell your friend that you’ll only meet him sans ball and chain as she hates your guts and you can’t be bothered with the chilly air. Let HIM sort it out. He’s the one who got hisself lumbered with her. Why should YOU suffer?
I expect your friendship’ll survive. Can’t predict the marriage outcome, but if she doesn’t mellow out…
Alternatively, you could become a one-woman man. I’m guessing she’s intimidated by you and insecure in herself and in her relationship so that she fears you’ll lead her darling hubby down the road to perdition. Once you’ve been safely emasculated just like her husband, she’ll look at you in a much more positive light.
You seem to have discounted the reason that maybe you are just a total cock. That’s what I would do in order to avoid the cognitive dissonance arising from the situation.
You have to let go a bit. I utterly despise my sister’s partner. She’s a complete waste of oxygen, but I have to respect the fact that my sister chose that person. I let them both go with the illusion that there’s something wrong with everyone else because they all loathe her. It’s the kind, polite thing to do. I spend less time with my sister than I usually would and she knows that I’ll be ‘there’ for her.
Friends and partners come and go. Be fair to everyone, without spending too much time with people you aren’t interested in and it’ll all be ok in the end.
tash, you told us that fungus was from the gym floor.
[quote=“sandman”]
Alternatively, you could become a one-woman man. I’m guessing she’s intimidated by you and insecure in herself and in her relationship so that she fears you’ll lead her darling hubby down the road to perdition. Once you’ve been safely emasculated just like her husband, she’ll look at you in a much more positive light.[/quote]
I think that has a lot to do with it. I am a one-woman man (at least at a time), just haven’t found the right one yet.
I didn’t discount it at all. But nobody starts a post with such-and-such doesn’t like me, is it because I’m a total cock?
The problem with establishing that is that the only people who can really judge are people that know you. The better they know you they better they’re able to judge, but also more likely to lie, and hence the dilemna.
The only way to somewhat objectively make a judgement is to workout if you do the same thing to other people, or whether she does the same thing to other people.
And that’s still true.
My theory is that Tyc00n has slept with most women at my gym, infected some of them by making them suck on his toes. They then infected the water on the floor in the shower room at the gym and I happened to walk through it. Simple and statistically highly probable.