🇺🇸 Guam | Travel Horror Story: My Trip to Guam

I dedicate this post to bob:

Hen jiou, hen jiou yi-chen my future wife and I were went to Guam. Me because me ahem…“study visa” needed renewing…ahem…and the wife to be because she’d never been.

So I went to the police station in Taichung for some reason or another, get an exit stamp or some damn thing from the time Taiwan forgot. They inform me that I have overstayed my visa for 30 days.

Huh? Beg pardon.

Seems when I changed my landing visa for a visitor’s visa I didn’t go to the police station and get them to ok it.

Ooops. No big deal, says the cop. Just write it out and sign the paper. Snow big deal. So i do, and then when I sign it he says, “You cannot enter Taiwan for one year.”

Jdshithispants

“What?”

“You need to get a visa BEFORE you come back in. No landing visa will be issued to you.”

Oh for sweet christ’s sake.

So, off to Guam for 5 days. It’s a island. It’s a rock really. A tiny teeny spec in the night ocean.

We rent a car and drive around for a day. We stop. We park. We swim. We drive. No trouble at all.

The next day, we drive to a park, full of people, next to the beach. We go into the bathrooms to change. Inside for MAYBE two minutes. Come out and while walking back to the car I notice what seems to be a broken 7-up bottle in the back seat.

I didn’t drink any 7-up.

Driver’s side window is smashed. My backpack is gone. My backpack is brand friggin new. My Stonehenge tee-shirt that I really like is inside.

Oh and my wife to be’s passport and like 700USG is in there too. :s

I reach to the floor, and grab a twisted paper bag that looks like garbage. I put 1000USD in there. My er, friend used to toss his dope to the car floor in times of duress. People don’t seem to look in trash for cash…or grass for that matter.

I hold said bag high and scream, “You missed this FUCKERS!”

WIfe to be is speechless.

I walk down the park road a bit. There’s a family there having a BBQ. I ask them if they saw anyone near our car. They did. A black pickup.

I head back to the park entrance with the WTB and we luckily flag down a policelike looking vehicle. He snot a cop, but close enough. I tell him about the black truck. A black truck then approaches to the entrance/exit. I say, “THAT’S a black truck.”

Said Potato Head nottacop watches them go and says, “WHO the hell are they?”

He calls a real cop who comes in and takes our statement. He questions the family and kids. Yep, the black truck stopped by the car and broke the window. The kids fess up to seeing it.

ANyway, the cop tells me they’ll get on it and to go back to our hotel.

We go back. No insurance for theft on the car. I need to pay 250USD to fix the car. :fume:

The hotel somebody tells me that there’s no way they’ll get anything done in time as it takes 5 full work days just to pass the incident report to the detectives. :fume:

Word comes in from the Taiwan office. They have the WTB’s passport. Found it on the side of the road.

I write a LOOONG letter to the tourism board, naming the cops by name, the one that responded to our call was the chief of police’s son. Yay. I tell them that our car was targeted by the crooks because the damn license plates were marked RENTAL. I tell them that the car rental people told me that there was a crime wave going on. There was no mention of this in any brochure or be-safe campaign, et c.

I flame them to being so obtuse by taking 5 working days to pass on incident reports to detective literally one floor above them, when the average vacation in Guam was only 5 days. I said I had hope that my letter would help as most of the letters were written in Japanese and most probably ignored by locals who couldn’t read Japanese.

I curse the place when I leave, saying I will try my best to turn away anyone who asks me about Guam. I keep that promise.

Guam is later hit by two tragedies. One being a Korean airliner that tried to do an impression of a mole. And a super typhoon that leveled nearly every tree on the island.

There’s more to it bob, but not much. I swear more when I tell it in person. :laughing:

2 Likes

On the bright side of things, Guam does have the largest K-mart in the world.

And a Little Caesars! Haven’t seen that pizza joint in ages.

Damn rights. I’d almost pay for the flight just to get some “crazy bread.” :laughing:

I think it also has the closest Taco Bell.

Not to mention the closest 7-11 with nacho cheese in a pump, Big Gulps of Dr. Pepper, and no smell of tea eggs.

Seriously though, JD - sorry you had such a crap experience there. I found the people to be some of the nicest, most helpful people I’ve ever met outside of Taiwan. I’ve also heard that the diving in that area is the stuff of wet dreams!

Taco Bell?? No way… How long is the flight to Guam, that might be worth it, some shiatty pizza and crazy bread from Little Caesars and a bean burrito from Taco Bell… Heaven is what it is

Oh yeah and sorry to hear about the theft. I went to Paris this past summer and before I went everyone told me to be careful of pickpocketers, however, it really never concerned me… BUT on my last day, my SO and I were walking through the Sorbonne area and I spotted a bar with a special on 20 shots of Absinthe. Couldn’t pass that up, so 20 shots later I stumble out of the bar and left my damn camera with all the trip’s pics on it. So I made it without getting pick-pocketed, but my drunk ass lost all the pics plus the camera. What a fool I am. Still pissed about this one.

It happened like 10 years ago. I’m over it, and I may actually revisit Guam one of these days.

Monk wrote:

That hurts. :frowning:

So what happened about the visa?

I’m glad you weren’t bitten by a brown snake. They’re Australia’s special gift to Guam.

HG

And you are writing about this now?? Having bad dreams about Guam lately?

Actually the date was given away when you said the Typhoon hit and a plane recently made like a mole - those were both about 10 yrs ago. I moved to Guam just after Typhoon Paka (Typhoon Paka - Wikipedia) hit. Was actually laid up in Hawaii while Paka destroyed the island. Apartment hunting after that monster was a bitch.

Didn’t anyone tell you what GUAM stands for? Give Up And MOOOOOOVe.

Or for those single guys in the military: Give Up And Maaaaaasticate.

A good rule of thumb for visiting any of the Micronesian islands: Don’t bring anything there that you can’t afford to see pilfered. There is just no other economic opportunity for many of the locals. Plan for it.

Have a hunch I know exactly what beach park you were at…

Ouch–as a native of the island, that hurts :blush:

I’m guessing Ypao.

jdsmith, sorry your trip sucked. If you ever make it back, I hope you have a much better experience.

The fast food joint I miss from home is Wendy’s.

Yeah, I get the craving once in a while for a Wendy’s 99 cent menu Chili and Cheese Nachos.

Is it ever freaking cheap to go there though. I was in to the travel agent and they quoted 14,500 return flight. 4our days, three days days I think it was, four star hotel I think it was, and something or other but can’t think what it was. Of course the flight there leaves at 2AM and you arrive there at about 6AM (two related but distinct senses of “there”) time for a dip, breaky (short e), then bed (go to). Wake up in time for happy hour, happy happy, sleep, Stagger around in the blinding heat disoriented, another poop in the pool (metaphorical), snorkel, hamburger (eat), airconditioned hotel room, loneliness, culture shock, the banality of local news, the banality of international news, migraine, drunk again, breakfast, bit of a cold and some how did I get here how do I work this existential disassociation, adventure journal, nightly review, sunburn, cough* two more days, hey remo can I rent a bicycle? etc.

Rough trip to Guam. Ouch! Look on the bright side. Thankfully, no one got hurt!

I know nothing about Guam except that the deepest point in the ocean is near there. Some 36 000 feet deep. But I digress…

Lei Gong

I’m always sorry to be reminded of jds bad trip in Guam. That would definitely suck, and my impression of Guam would be different, too, had I ever such an experience.

But in at least a half dozen trips to Guam over the past several years, my family and have always had a good time. Sure, I wouldn’t want to live there… too small… But, Guam is only 3 hours from Taiwan, so its a great getaway for us… 3 hours away and I’m driving a rental car in the USA… Eating ribeye at the Lone Star Steak House…

We always stay at the Pacific Islands Club on Tumon Bay (OK, I’ve also stayed at the Hilton)… they have an outstanding water park (this pic was taken from our balcony at PIC, but you cannot see all of the pools) and they are on the beach, too:

The beach on Tumon Bay is quite nice… that’s my little brother lying under the palm trees (top):

Great snorkeling with lots of colorful tropical fish in crystal clear water… the bay is protected by a reef… that’s my boy snorkeling:

We like to go up to Two Lovers’ Point for a good view of Tumon Bay… legend has it that a young Chamorro (the native people of Guam) couple jumped to their death from there when their parents forbid them to wed. They tied their hair together and jumped. Lots of Japanese get married there now. The view is spectacular. I took this pic a couple of years ago:

We always rent a car and drive down and around the coast… its a short ride of only a few hours. There are many scenic spots to stop along the way (such as the small bay where Magellan’s boats landed), and I love how the road is at many places only feet from the ocean:

I took these from the window of the car…

We also like to stop at Fish Eye Park and go down in the underwater observatory to look at the fish… that’s my little brother and my boy:

Then we continue south and see many small inlets… here is one with a local mom teaching her child to swim:

There is a great natural pool at the southern tip of Guam in a small village… we swim there and its deep enough to jump off a makeshift high diving board there… then go around behind the rocks to look in the tidal pool there… big crabs, colorful fish and sea slugs and star fish inhabit this pool… here’s my boy a few years ago there looking silly:

We round the southern tip of Guam and head north on the east side of the island until we get to Jeff’s Pirate Cove, where we stop to have a burger and a few beers. Since we usually go around Chinese New Year, which is usually around the end of January-beginning of February, I’ve watched several Super Bowls at Jeff’s… Here is my mom and my boy at Jeff’s this past April:

After a few beers and burgers, we need to relax out on the yard overlooking the beach at Jeff’s… there’s nothing like snoozing in a hammock… here my boy shows how it is done:

TMan-

Out-Standing!

Agree with TC, that looks like a great hols spot! However, I am a little surprised and disappointed that there’s no mention of brown snakes.

HG

I know - I had seen the reports on TV before I went there, and even after a couple of visits I didn’t see any :s. I had the impression the place would be covered in them.

I’m going there next week. I’ll let you know if I see any

Great photos, Tigerman! I’ve been to all of those places! Like you said, it’s a
really small place
.

As for brown snakes, don’t believe everything you hear on the radio or see on TV about the place. (I’m remember some stupid story on ICRT several years ago…) Snakes don’t hang from the trees, and they’re pretty much like snakes here–they try to avoid the humans. The good thing is that eve if you do have the misfortune of meeting a snake there, he won’t be poisonous. :sunglasses: