Ultimately I feel great seeing a woman feeling and acting empowered, sexy, warm, compassionate and kind to both herself and those she is interested in. It’s a great thing to see a woman knowing how to take care and care for herself…some of my girlfriends truly are amazing in that regard. When I hear or see them “making the first move” (since there are many kinds), I say “go sister” and not worry about a thing. A woman that is a truly feminine is a powerful and beautiful sight to behold.
There is something to be said about sending out your intentions, and then leaving the space wide open for some cherishing/appreciating/adoring to come in from the one you are interested in. I see some woman making almost all the moves and boy I cringe. “Give the man some room to show his affection for you!” How you gonna know if the man is interested if you are doing everything? Poor guy doesn’t even have a chance to step up at all. But I understand sometimes it’s nerve-wrecking to wait, espeically when you are not sure of whether or not the other person is interested. Funny thing is: the answer usually gets very clear once one waits a little while. He either calls or doesn’t. He either likes you or he doesn’t. In the mean time, life is still happening all over the place…if you have shown your interest, you have shown your interest, no need to show more interest, in my opinion. Though there are exceptions to every rule…I know.
I don’t see one night stands as women getting used; takes two to tangle. I feel sad for my sisters who think that a physical relationship naturally lead to an emotional one. It’s a hard lesson, but a powerful one regardless to learn in terms of self-care.
One last thing, when my girlfriends call and want to talk about what to do next with guys that they like, I usually ask them what they might want if they were totally feeling secure…the whole “if you were feeling loved, cared for, taken care of at this moment, is this (fill in whatever…call…sex…blah blah blah) still the first thing on your mind, or is there something else that you might want?” Many times the woman wants something else; sometimes the woman wants still the same thing. Either way, doesn’t hurt to check in with yourself what you really want to create through your action. Anxiety doesn’t have to run the whole person…different intentions behind the same action make a huge difference. I read somewhere: real security comes from the willingness to stay with yourself.
…hmm…I think I sound a little like a self-helf book…but I tell you I learnt these things with many tears, no less!
[quote=“snakebabe”]first of all, the question about “what kind of first move” is right. I understand “move” as an action with an aim, and since you cannot aim at starting a relationship that night, I would refer “move” to to see whether we click or not. in whatever regard…
and then again:
I know a lot of women sharing this attitude. “… if the moment is right”, “if he does this or doesn’t do that…”. if, if, if. that is too much UP TO HIM, in my opinion. and then woman must not be surprised or in the end even pissed off when a guy comes across who “only” has obvious intentions.[/quote]
Heh! That’s just me! Actually now I think about it. I do make the first moves. I was under the impression that first move was to kiss a guy on the lips but I would hold his hands or grab his arms or kiss him on the cheek. It’s NOT entirely up to him. I would totally send him subtle signals and then see if he returns the favor. With that said. I don’t think girls should go too Samatha Jones. She’s a TV character after all. Girls are inevitably going to feel a little used because God made our bodies different. What if you get pregnant? Condons do break. Where are you going to find that guy to either raise the child together or to help pay for the abortion operation? (suppose it’s a one night stand)The women end up doing all the work, don’t they?
I turned down a woman who made the first move in a hotel in Hong Kong. She was at least 35, tall, and big. She asked me up to her room for “drinks”. I said, “no thanks, I have something to do”.
The next woman that made the first move is now my wife.
I know these threads have a way of morphing into their own living, breathing, heaving selves, but how did we get from “making the first move” to accepting responsibility for a one night stand?
Jubom and snakebabe, thanks - good posts.
As for what kind of first move, any really. Any that a guy would have to make to signal that he is interested in a girl. Anything that is acticve and not passive, ie: NOT sitting on a bar stool, fluttering eye lashes etc etc.
The reasons for making the first move (a one night stand, relationship whatever) are less what my original post was about. To each his own right?
I was just curious as to how guys felt in general about girls making the first move, be it initiating a conversation or leaning in to give the first kiss.
LeeD, I take it you are a guy? If so, why is it that you don’t like girls making the first move?
i would have to say i have had good experiences with a girl hitting on me and not so good ones too. i guess it depends on if it is a girl i like too. if a girl i was scoping hit on me i would be very excited. if a girl hit on me that i felt no attraction to i would be uncomfortable. and i am assuming that this is the way it is for women being hit on by men. if the guy is someone you are scoping out or are attracted to then when he hits on you it is great. if it is a guy that doesnt do anything for you then its a bother.
sometimes i dont feel like making the first move-either im too tired or too oblivious or whatever, so if a girl came up to me to chat i would be glad that i didnt have to get up the nerve to talk to her. that is always the hardest part-getting off the barstool and wandering over and trying to make small talk. i am bad at it so i usually dont try. once in a while i get beer courage and hit on girls. they are either saying to themselves, " how long do i have to sit here and listen to this guy", or “this guy is hot i hope he asks me out”.
anyway, i think it is great for girls to make the first move. because the guy might be very shy, and he might be scoping you out too. i have found that it never hurt to go up to a stranger and flirt. if you try too hard though, it usually feels creepy.
to be honest though i have usually turned down girls who have asked me out. its usually because i have my mind set on someone else, not because women who ask men out are too aggressive. there is nothing better than being asked out by the girl you like. so take a chance. jm
I have a female friend to whom I would like to declare my romantic intensions, but I’m worried the friendship might be ruined if she doesn’t feel the same way. What exactly are the subtle signals for which I should be looking?
I have a female friend to whom I would like to declare my romantic intensions, but I’m worried the friendship might be ruined if she doesn’t feel the same way. What exactly are the subtle signals for which I should be looking?[/quote]
Yes, I’m a guy. Call it shovonistic, or what have you, but I’m just not attracted to cocky, and/or overlyconfident, and/or aggressive women. It doesn’t turn me on. Even if she’s good looking, and I’ve had attractive women approach me before.
Not to say I’d hate her, because actually if she was good looking, I’d sleep with her, but I wouldn’t fall in love with her.
Now someone who’s very subtle and passively starts some small talk, now that’s a gray area, but likely to fall into the same corner.
Isn’t that not fair for women? I don’t think so. Now, just me personally talking, just as I think men should be trained and taught how to approach women and “pick up” women, women should be taught on how to successfully give hints to the guy they like.
Of course, everybodies different and it seems like lots of guys now a days like and sometimes even prefer a more confident, independant, aggressive women. Not me and I’ll happily take what evers left. Let me rephrase, I’ve already got one so I’ve got no reason to take what evers left. But this is the exact reason why I like Taiwanese women and hate American women.
[quote=“LeeD”][quote=“Grinder”]Isn’t that not fair for women? I don’t think so. Now, just me personally talking, just as I think men should be trained and taught how to approach women and “pick up” women, women should be taught on how to successfully give hints to the guy they like.
[/quote][/quote]
Now, I’m curious how you girls give hints to the guys you like? When women approach guys, are they necessarily interested in them? i doubt they just wanna practice their English.
I gave him my phone number. Told him, “Let’s have a drink some time.” It could have been coffee, it could have been beer. He called. We talked for nearly an hour. Then he never called back. Yes, this was the fitness instructor.
So most guys seem keen on the idea of having a woman approach them.
But what about doing it 7th grade style. Having a friend of the girl approach you with “Hey, what do you think of my friend over there?..”
Is that too juvenile? Cause I’ve had friends do this to me, sometimes with and sometimes without my consent.
[quote=“Erhu”]But what about doing it 7th grade style. Having a friend of the girl approach you with “Hey, what do you think of my friend over there?..”
Is that too juvenile? Cause I’ve had friends do this to me, sometimes with and sometimes without my consent.[/quote]
Yes! Hahahah But it’s kinda cute…in a grade 7 PG 13 kinda way! It’s flattering to know the admirer noticed you and sent a friend over, but when you think about it, that means the guy’s got no balls. And when you walk over and ask the nice fellow why he doesn’t just come up to you himself: “I was intimidated/scared/shy.”
[quote]But what about doing it 7th grade style. Having a friend of the girl approach you with “Hey, what do you think of my friend over there?..”
Is that too juvenile? Cause I’ve had friends do this to me, sometimes with and sometimes without my consent.[/quote]
I find this embarassing (for the girl/woman and myself) since it’s dificult to answer the question if you don’t like her, even worst if the question is asked with her sitting close by.
If she doesn’t like you either she will feel offended or if she likes you she might feel disappointed - but both can spoil the whole situation (lunch, dinner, evening out …).
As well the girl might not always approve to that kind of “matchmaking” herself, or may not even be aware what the friend is going to do, thus feeling very embarassed.
If there really is a mutual interest things will develop without the help of the friend (of the girl/women).
(never mind).
