Geez . . . you guys don’t play very nicely, do you? Some of the posts are kind of touchy. No wonder folks have difficulty finding friends . . .
I read the Washington Post article on this topic. I tried to find a link. No luck, sorry.
I’m interested in this thread because I am feeling this isolation very acutely these days. Whew! Here we go, some self disclosure . . . who likes to admit that they don’t have friends? I don’t. Firstly, I don’t lack for the kind of friendships that John Moss spoke of in his post. I have made many good friends over the years. Friends from childhood, from highschool, from college, from my time in Taiwan as an English teacher, from grad school, from work, and when I was a true believer I had friends from church, from sports teams. Problem is . . . these friends all live in different places both literally and figuratively. Many are coupled with families that keep them busy. Can I just tell you how aggravating it is to have your phone conversation with an old friend interrupted 10 times in 2 minutes by said friend’s child? What are ya going to do? You can’t compete with THEIR child. And, it’s a child for goodness sakes, they demand attention, need attention, it’s only right.
I have tried putting myself out there AGAIN. It’s just it gets harder to do. I’ve moved around a bit in my life, and this is the first time I’ve just felt like “whew! I am so tired of starting over.” (WARNING: this is a hormone-fueled whine). I have been chatty with the neighbors (in the new neighborhood). Only one couple seems likely candidates for friends that you call up and say “hey wanna go see a movie?” I know I need to go over and say, “hey what’re you up to tonight? Do you wanna . . . ?” Well . . . I’ve made contact with another local and her husband too. She is quite busy, and is REALLY into her religion (BaHai). She’s nice enough . . . the couple of times we’ve gone out socially, I’ve actually enjoyed conversing with HER other friends more. Does this mean I need to join the BaHai church? I hope not. No offense, but I’ve given up on organized religion. Oh yeah, there’s my current best friend . . . who is most likely certifiably nuts. She’s a lot of fun to laugh with, exercise with . . . but not very available otherwise. Has issues . . .
Last night the best friend stood me up. I had plans to go to a coffee house to see some live music. The artist is an up and coming folk singer-song writer who just won first prize at the Kerrville Folk Festival, Diana Jones [http://www.newsongrecordings.com/]. I decided to go solo anyway. Found a good spot in the coffee house, the best spot actually. And, it wasn’t long before the surrounding couches were taken up by 3 couples and a sister of one of the couples. The introductions eventually went 'round, and I chatted and laughed with these folks, and had a good time. The music was great too. Still I didn’t walk away with anything other than a good CD, and the knowledge that I am not a total social reject. I can still chat people up, and be reasonably friendly with total strangers.
But . . . what I’m craving is friendship . . . intimacy . . . from a real live flesh and blood person, not a phone receiver or an email service . . . I regularly chat with friends and family on-line. But . . . still . . . there’s nothing like having a circle of close friends nearby . . . folks you can have fun with, and folks you can lean on too, if you need to. Folks who appreciate you, warts and all. Folks who “get you” or at least try to really hard. Ya know?
I’m just not feeling it. And, am really quite discouraged - and as I said the hormones are with me this week (if ya know what I’m sayin), so that might have something to do with how dejected I feel.
Anyway . . . I think I’ve shared too much already . . . I can believe that the number of folks in the study who feel isolated is 25%. I was just thinking about suburban America, and how transient is has become. If I were to go back to my “hometown” I’d bet ya not very many of my old highschool classmates live there anymore. Heck I DO go back, my parents are still there. And, if I hadn’t been back in 10 years (the old highschool reunion timeframe), I would get lost. The roads have changed, the population has exploded. It’s just not the same place anymore. Suburbia is not where grandma and grandpa live, the cousins and Aunts and Uncles aren’t there. My extended family are from the West. We lived in the East my whole life. I have cousins I could pass on the street and not even know them. THe point, I think, is that the traditional ties that bind are no longer there for some/many of Americans. And, I don’t really think that internet connections (much as I’ve enjoyed Forumosa) are a true substitute for real life intimacy/friendship.
Bodo